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Old 10-26-2012, 04:47 AM   #1 (permalink)

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New personalities?

I've been struggling to channel the addictive part of my personality in healthy ways and after being reassured by others on SR that throwing myself into work and the gym at this point is fine, I am realizing that maturity wise I feel sixteen years old. That is when I started drinking and honestly I don't think I have developed much since then even though I married, had children, and built a whole career. Now I see that recovery means creating a whole new personality bx my alcoholic one was just an illusory one- constantly trying to escape reality. For those of you who have been in recovery for a while do you find that you developed new personalities? Have you 'grown up?'
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Old 10-26-2012, 05:23 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Excellent question, effortjoy.

I have discovered that after 6 years of heavy drinking I lost myself and am struggling to lose the bad habits that I picked up during those years.

I am almost 8 weeks sober...and I am seeing and feeling clearly the things I tried to drown out with booze.

Right now I am in the early stages of working the 12 step program. I believe
that working these steps will be the answer I need to find my true self.

I hope the longtimers here will share their experiences on this subject as I would appreciate their thoughts as well!

Thanks for for this thread!
"God gives every bird his worm, but he does not throw it into the nest." *Swedish Proverb
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Old 10-26-2012, 05:32 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I think in some ways I have grown up, whatever that means, because I see myself more as an 'adult' now, with balance in my life and an increased self awareness and the self control that goes along with that. Like the way grownups are and all.

I sorta expected that part when I pictured myself being sober 15 months ago first starting out, but there are aspects to this new life that I did not expect. I often hear an honest belly laugh coming from a new place I did not have before, and a more spiritual appreciation for small joys and the beauty that is all around. I am much calmer and slower to anger now, and I appreciate that we all have our challenges and that we are each of us trying to get through our day.

Underlying this is something much bigger for me, and that is self confidence. I decided to quit drinking and I did it. I made this vow to myself and kept it. From all directions, I had been told you can't just quit, you can't do it by yourself, you are going to fail repeatedly, you need to do this, you need to do that. Those people were wrong.

I have learned that my true limitations are only those that I choose for myself to accept. Since I have kicked this addiction, what else can I achieve? That is a wonderful feeling.
AVRT has shown me how to never drink again and to never change my mind.
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Old 10-26-2012, 05:40 AM   #4 (permalink)

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I'm less reactive and emotional. More calm and proactive.
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Old 10-26-2012, 05:50 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I spent ears running away from feelings and responsibilities...sobriety made me face those things.

The more new things you encounter the more you grow, so yeah I've grown a lot since I stopped drinking...I think we all pretty much do

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Old 10-26-2012, 06:32 AM   #6 (permalink)

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I use the program of AA for my recovery...So if that's not for you...You don't have to read this. They talk about having an entire psychic change...As you call it...Developing a new personality....Basically...Finding out what makes me tick?....What made me drink?...What made me....Me?....And then changing what needed to be changed. This is what the 12 steps gave me....I live by following a few simple rules....And I see now how people have 20...30...Even 50 years of continuous sobriety....I've never seen that anywhere else for alcoholics like the ones described in the Big Book....Alcoholics like myself. So to answer your question...It was impossible for me to work the steps of AA....Have an entire psychic change...And not grow up....Throw in having the obsession to drink lifted....And it's like this alcoholic ran across the best free deal in town.

Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
****On the other hand-and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand-once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules.
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