Light bulb just went on
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 316
Light bulb just went on
Hello, I'm brand new. I just joined about five minutes ago because after reading some of these posts, I realized that my hubby and I need more support and more wisdom as we deal with our marriage and his not using pot anymore. I also think I might need to go to Alanon or something.
My husband stopped drinking alcohol about seven years ago, right after we got married. He had the Jekyll/Hyde drinking behavior, and he realized the damage he was doing to our relationship and his relationship with my daughters from a former marriage. However, he continued to smoke pot, and to be brutally honest, that was not so much an issue with me because it sure made him easier to live with. (I know, I know). Over the last seven years he has stopped and started smoking pot several times, and each time the withdrawal period has been hideous because usually around week 3, the withdrawal symptoms result in him being really moody and irritable and we have a blow-up. I am happy about him quitting, and I want to be supportive, but it's just not pleasant. We are in week 3 again, and he's being a pill and I realize he's trying to live life without the comfort of something he's been using for over 30 years. I've been realizing as I read posts here that we both need help because the truth is that the man I fell in love with and the cheerful, happy go lucky guy that I married was cheerful and happy-go-lucky only when he was using. I don't want to be stereotypical co-dependent type that says "Gee, you're no fun anymore now that you're not using." I also don't want to be his verbal punching bag as he's going into recovery. My question goes to RA's and/or their significant others. If you're in recovery as an addict, what behavior on the part of your spouse helped/hurt the most, and as a spouse, how did you cope with the irritability, anger, negativity that goes along with the initial stages of recovery.
Thank you soooooo much!
My husband stopped drinking alcohol about seven years ago, right after we got married. He had the Jekyll/Hyde drinking behavior, and he realized the damage he was doing to our relationship and his relationship with my daughters from a former marriage. However, he continued to smoke pot, and to be brutally honest, that was not so much an issue with me because it sure made him easier to live with. (I know, I know). Over the last seven years he has stopped and started smoking pot several times, and each time the withdrawal period has been hideous because usually around week 3, the withdrawal symptoms result in him being really moody and irritable and we have a blow-up. I am happy about him quitting, and I want to be supportive, but it's just not pleasant. We are in week 3 again, and he's being a pill and I realize he's trying to live life without the comfort of something he's been using for over 30 years. I've been realizing as I read posts here that we both need help because the truth is that the man I fell in love with and the cheerful, happy go lucky guy that I married was cheerful and happy-go-lucky only when he was using. I don't want to be stereotypical co-dependent type that says "Gee, you're no fun anymore now that you're not using." I also don't want to be his verbal punching bag as he's going into recovery. My question goes to RA's and/or their significant others. If you're in recovery as an addict, what behavior on the part of your spouse helped/hurt the most, and as a spouse, how did you cope with the irritability, anger, negativity that goes along with the initial stages of recovery.
Thank you soooooo much!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Welcome Branches! We're glad to have you with us. I'm sure you'll find many here with a similar situation. It's a relief to not feel alone anymore. Glad you've reached out for help.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 316
Thank you all for your kind thoughts.
One thing I remembered from the days when I went to Alanon (with first husband) is something to the effect of not offering advice or trying to fix other people's problems. So, I have to remember that part of this is my own journey, not how to fix him so I can feel better. Duh.
One thing I remembered from the days when I went to Alanon (with first husband) is something to the effect of not offering advice or trying to fix other people's problems. So, I have to remember that part of this is my own journey, not how to fix him so I can feel better. Duh.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by Branches 
Hello, I'm brand new. I just joined about five minutes ago because after reading some of these posts, I realized that my hubby and I need more support and more wisdom as we deal with our marriage and his not using pot anymore. I also think I might need to go to Alanon or something.
My husband stopped drinking alcohol about seven years ago, right after we got married. He had the Jekyll/Hyde drinking behavior, and he realized the damage he was doing to our relationship and his relationship with my daughters from a former marriage. However, he continued to smoke pot, and to be brutally honest, that was not so much an issue with me because it sure made him easier to live with. (I know, I know). Over the last seven years he has stopped and started smoking pot several times, and each time the withdrawal period has been hideous because usually around week 3, the withdrawal symptoms result in him being really moody and irritable and we have a blow-up. I am happy about him quitting, and I want to be supportive, but it's just not pleasant. We are in week 3 again, and he's being a pill and I realize he's trying to live life without the comfort of something he's been using for over 30 years. I've been realizing as I read posts here that we both need help because the truth is that the man I fell in love with and the cheerful, happy go lucky guy that I married was cheerful and happy-go-lucky only when he was using. I don't want to be stereotypical co-dependent type that says "Gee, you're no fun anymore now that you're not using." I also don't want to be his verbal punching bag as he's going into recovery. My question goes to RA's and/or their significant others. If you're in recovery as an addict, what behavior on the part of your spouse helped/hurt the most, and as a spouse, how did you cope with the irritability, anger, negativity that goes along with the initial stages of recovery.
Thank you soooooo much!
My husband stopped drinking alcohol about seven years ago, right after we got married. He had the Jekyll/Hyde drinking behavior, and he realized the damage he was doing to our relationship and his relationship with my daughters from a former marriage. However, he continued to smoke pot, and to be brutally honest, that was not so much an issue with me because it sure made him easier to live with. (I know, I know). Over the last seven years he has stopped and started smoking pot several times, and each time the withdrawal period has been hideous because usually around week 3, the withdrawal symptoms result in him being really moody and irritable and we have a blow-up. I am happy about him quitting, and I want to be supportive, but it's just not pleasant. We are in week 3 again, and he's being a pill and I realize he's trying to live life without the comfort of something he's been using for over 30 years. I've been realizing as I read posts here that we both need help because the truth is that the man I fell in love with and the cheerful, happy go lucky guy that I married was cheerful and happy-go-lucky only when he was using. I don't want to be stereotypical co-dependent type that says "Gee, you're no fun anymore now that you're not using." I also don't want to be his verbal punching bag as he's going into recovery. My question goes to RA's and/or their significant others. If you're in recovery as an addict, what behavior on the part of your spouse helped/hurt the most, and as a spouse, how did you cope with the irritability, anger, negativity that goes along with the initial stages of recovery.
Thank you soooooo much!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Hi Branches
well...I smoked pot for about 30 years and what you've said about your husband matches my experience for sure.
I wasn't with anyone when I quit so I'm not sure I can help with suggestions.
Would your husband interested in getting support for his recovery?
D
well...I smoked pot for about 30 years and what you've said about your husband matches my experience for sure.
I wasn't with anyone when I quit so I'm not sure I can help with suggestions.
Would your husband interested in getting support for his recovery?
D
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Welcome Branches! It's great you are supporting his efforts and I'm sure it's frustrating with the personality changes and emotional roller coaster. I don't have any experience with withdrawing from pot but I bet you'll find people here that will have suggestions for you. Maybe your husband can join us as well so he has somewhere to vent and get extra support...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 316
Thank you, Dee, and everyone else for your kind responses.
I've been doing a bit of reading of the stickys. Oh, jeepers, not only can I say, "Hello, I am a codependent" but another light bulb went on because I could say that my husband has a lot of the codependent traits too. He had a very rollercoaster upbringing, and he has said that he learned to deal with the ups and downs of his home environment and family was by smoking weed and drinking. Which brings me to my second question, although it may seem obvious, Do codependent people have addiction problems too?
Okay. Quit laughing now. It would seem to me that codies would drink/smoke/use to deal with anxiety that comes with being unable to control their environment. I know I have.
Thanks again for all your responses. This site is awesome.
I've been doing a bit of reading of the stickys. Oh, jeepers, not only can I say, "Hello, I am a codependent" but another light bulb went on because I could say that my husband has a lot of the codependent traits too. He had a very rollercoaster upbringing, and he has said that he learned to deal with the ups and downs of his home environment and family was by smoking weed and drinking. Which brings me to my second question, although it may seem obvious, Do codependent people have addiction problems too?
Okay. Quit laughing now. It would seem to me that codies would drink/smoke/use to deal with anxiety that comes with being unable to control their environment. I know I have.
Thanks again for all your responses. This site is awesome.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
well this codie sure did, Branches...LOL.
I took on a lot of responsibility in my life...my addictions were, at least in part, a response to that.
'Codependent No More' by Melody Beattie was a very useful book for me.
D
I took on a lot of responsibility in my life...my addictions were, at least in part, a response to that.
'Codependent No More' by Melody Beattie was a very useful book for me.
D
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