The morning count....
 

I was just thinking about how when I drink (I should say when I used to drink), how I would have a morning count. I'd almost close my eyes and look in the fridge to countdown how many beers were gone or how much wine was left in the bottle (or often I'd count both). And then came more promises,like the 3am ones, about not today.. I'm taking a break. Usually that promise would be broken by 5 or 6.
I'm sure you can relate to this ridiculous count. I'd do it really quickly too, to ease the blow or the realization that I drank that much!! Sometimes I'd also have had a blackout the night before, especially when mixing beer and wine, I wouldn't remember how much I drank. Then there was also times, I'd water down the wine bottle. Add a little water to the red wine bottle so that my husband wouldn't think i had had that much to drink.

What a fool I am. And that I have thought, even earlier today (around 5), maybe I don't have as big a problem as I think I do. YES I DO.

I'm sooo with you! How disgusting it was to saunter down (late as usual for work) in the morning to get my coffee and wonder how much of that 2nd bottle of wine I drank the night before. I always knew I had at least 1 full one considering that was just my baseline. Then acted shocked that all but an inch of the 2nd bottle was left. Didn't remember stopping, going upstairs, getting my jammies on (often backwards, ha!) and passing out for the night. I'd wake up with my 3 and 4 year old babies cuddling tight to me and wanting to play and kiss on me in the morning. Absolutely sickening!
But.... the good news is, Mommy of 3 boys, we now realize this and can move forward!
Every time I think, oh just one won't hurt, I remember how those unplanned binges made me feel gross and very guilty the next day!
Good luck and keep in touch!

I would fill my wine glass with ice so that I wouldn't pour such large glasses of wine, this of course just meant I went to the fridge more often to refill my glass.. I also would look to see how much of the large bottle I polished off the night before (usually most of it.)

As a fellow Mommy of three we are all making better choices for our kids.

Oh I know that feeling, of a little hug from my son, him wanting to cuddle and my head pounding. And the guilt is terrible! Just terrible.
There were also many times in my home that an entire wine bottle might be gone and a second one opened. Gosh I have wasted a lot of money on wine!
Thanks, you keep in touch too.

We can do this!

Yes ladies, we are making better choices! Rockin' mommas!

I've done the ice too. More and more trips up the stairs to my fridge. We are making better choices. And teaching them that wine does not equal happy.

Instead this morning I can count how many cups of coffee I have had! What a better feeling.

I remember the same feelings. They are but wrenching when I look back and thought that I had this under control. The snappiness I would have in the morning, because I was ashamed of the night before and being jumpy and irrational with my kids because of my own self hate. Thinking to myself, I drank all that? I'm so glad that is all behind me now. I don't miss those shaky mornings or that vicious cycle. I finally understand free living!

I used to count what beers were left over, and then think how many I needed to pick up on the way home for my afternoon drinking. I am so glad I found SR, and all of you. Parenthood is a lot better sober.

I never had anything left when I woke up!

Yep I can relate to all the above posts....congratulations to you all.

I would start my morning count in the early morning. I'd be on a comedown, I'd try leaving a little bit of coke in the bag for a line in the morning. Then I would spend hours trying to go to sleep. I'd normally wake up late afternoon. Do the little bit, if I had managed to save it. Then head over to my dealers. It's a crazy way of life.

Wow.. I totally forgot about this, I did it too. I was always horrified and shocked.

Fallingtogether, Oh yes I have also been snappy and very ashamed, and jumpy, full of anxiety. My poor boys. I know this morning they left for school with a better memory of their mother!