bethaknee31

Hi my name is cara beth, im from montana, im 32 years old and an alcoholic. i made the choice to sober up 8 weeks ago. i came home from a 3 day binge, mad at the world because the police made me spill out my alcohol twice. then gramma threatened me and had the cops bring me home. i threw some things around punched the walls kicked and screamed. i sat with my head down trying to calm myself. when i looked up my 2 children were standing there crying and scared. the look on their faces reminded me of me. my mom is an acoholic and so was her mom. i stood up and called my aunt and told her i needed help. i been sober since september 1st. i have been drinking alcohol since i was 16 years old. i started binge drinking when i was 21. 1 to 2 days at a day every other week. i tried multiple times to quit. the longest i stayed sober was for 3 months. in 2007 i had gotten raped by my uncle. he took advantage of me while i was passed out. i held it in for the 3 months because of shame. i finally broke down and told what happen to me. word got out and because i didnt report it right away it was my word against his and he fell through the cracks. my brother beat him up and was sentenced to 2 years in prison. i hated myself the guilt ate me alive. my bro was missing out on his childrens lives because of me. and this man was walking free. i became angry and hateful. began binge drinking at least 3 days outta the week. love and life became meaningless to me. i coulda cared less if i lived or died. i tormented my partner and my family with endless lies excuses broken promises suicide attempts. i won't live my life like that anymore. i lost my partner. she loves me unconditionally but couldn't handle my addiction and left. i never wanted her gone. she is my angel. she kept me alive. she held a shattered soul together as long as she could and for that i will be forever grateful. my daughter will be a teenager soon and she needs me. i didn't have my mom when i was her age. even now its a deep rooted issue. i am ready to move forward and forget the past. i came here today because i am dealing with some loneliness issues. my ex won't speak to me. i have seperated myself from my "frens". i live in a place where alcohol is the norm. most of my family r drinkers. not one of my friends r sober...i have my aunt. my therapist, and my desire and love for my family. my main goal is to continue my sobriety. i want my family back together. i want crystal to know that i love her. i am doing this for us. i am in need of support. we have no local aa . i can't continue to do this alone. i need help so i could help myself. thank you for taking the time to read my story. blessings from MONTANA!

MIRecovery

Welcome you have found a place where people understand and are here to support you.

Well that is a bunch of problems but you are sober! Getting sober was the most important decision I ever made because the rest of my life depended on me not taking that first drink. I found that once I got sober my life started to come back together. It was not fast but day by day it got a little bit better. I am sure it will for you too. You do not need to solve all your problems today but you do need to keep sober a day at a time.

Welcome again and keep posting. You said there was no local AA how far would you have to drive to get to a meeting?

MidnightBlue

Hi, Cara.

Welcome to SR. It is hard for me even to imagine what you are going through, but you have your children to live for. You'll never be alone here. I do not have a lot of friends either, so on my first days I was hanging on here a lot of time. Even reading posts of other members makes it easier because you realize that a lot of people face the same problems, worries and fears.

Take care of yourself.

bethaknee31

an hour drive. i just have no vehicle or extra funds for gas to be going back and forth. i never trusted myself with a car because i drank too much

MIRecovery

You could try the regional AA office and explain your situation. There may be someone close that could give you a ride for free or little cost. No Garentees but it would be worth a call.

Otherwise hang out on SR and make some posts about the specific struggles you are having with staying sober. Knowing that you are not alone really helps

MIRecovery

"i have my aunt. my therapist, and my desire and love for my family. my main goal is to continue my sobriety."

I think this is a good start. What does your therapist say?

tomsteve

cara beth, welcome and now you never have to be alone. i dont know how you managed to make it 8 weeks on yer own, but, man, that is awesome!!

there are online AA meetings,too. some pretty awesome ones with people all around the world in recovery. let me know and i can hook ya up.

awuh1

I’m touched by your story clara beth. I want to offer my warmest encouragements for your journey of recovery. It sounds like your family has a long tradition of alcohol use. Some traditions are meant to be broken.

Just two thoughts. First of all regarding your brother. You are not responsible for what he does, pure and simple. You might FEEL responsible, but this does not make it so. Let yourself off the hook.

Second, I believe you have a lot to gain from AA. I would consider calling the closest AA central office and seeing if they know of someone to hitch a ride with in your area. Here is a link to phone numbers in Montana. Just call and see what they suggest. Alcoholics Anonymous : Local Resources that provide A.A. Meeting Information StatesIf there are 2 or 3 of you, close by, you might later want to consider starting your own meeting (it has been done before).

Try this link also Area 40 - Alcoholics Anonymous

You have my most sincere best wishes.

Dee74

Hi bethaknee

I'm really sorry for the things that have bought you here, but I'm glad you're here...you'll find a lot of support here

D

bethaknee31

thank you everyone! i have happy tears! god bless you all

MIRecovery

Well now we both have happy tears and trust me I do not have tears very often.

You are amoung friends.

bethaknee31

she was happy to see me again. i haven't talked to her in 2 years. she believes in me and said that she could see i was fed up and ready to face it. it's just rather hard around here...hardly any resources. we have a suicide epidemic here she's 1 of 4 therapists between 12,000 people i kno if she had the time she would be able to help more. im just thankful i can see her twice a week

MIRecovery

12000 people and no AA? I think you will have to start a group. If 10% of the population has a substance abuse problem that gives you 1200 potientals and that does not cover the outlying areas. If you can not get to AA then bring AA to you. You go girl! You better hope they all do not show up at the same time

bethaknee31

id say more like 80% of the population. alcohol is the norm. its very sad. the problem is too huge that they don't even have enuff sober ppl to run a proper treatment center. it took two weeks for me and my aunt to get an appointment for help. the day i was suppose to meet with that dr. he had an emergency. so it was cancelled and they rescheduled me for an appointment which was another two weeks..i wanted to go to treatment but it seemed hopeless. so i said eff it ill do it on my own.

heath480

Welcome to SR carabeth,glad you are here.

RevivingOphelia

i'm glad you found us beth.

Hevyn

Pleased to have you as part of the family, cara beth. I know you'll find hope and comfort here.

CaiHong

Welcome to SR Carabeth,

To stay sober under those circumstances is a great achievement and one to build on. You sound like you have the determination to stay sober.

All the best
Love
CaiHong

bethaknee31

thank you very much...i feel it too. i feel stronger

least

Congrats on your sober time, especially under such trying circumstances, and welcome to a caring and supportive recovery community.