soooo kidding myself
 

So this is my second time visiting the site. Visited sr about a month ago, had a great 3 days and decided i could control myself. Not so much. After at least 5 black outs this past month and finishing probably 7 bottles of wine between last friday and yesterday, i realize i was sooo kidding myself. I wish i could just have "2 glasses" and be done but it never works out that way. I used to run regularly and compete but have no desire anymore. I really miss being an energetic fun and motivated mom and am scared to death that i will be a disappointment to my kids some day. Arrgh! What will be my breaking point?

Welcome to SR, it is a wonderful place. I have used it almost daily for the past 6 months and have maintained my sobriety. There are all kinds of forums to look at and choose what helps you most. Take care of yourself

I never managed to control it either las. It's sounds like you have come to the point of accepting it. Have you ever looked into AVRT before? That really helped me dismiss those thoughts of trying to control it again. Welcome back to SR :) x

I hope you make the decision to live a sober life.

Blackouts are unbelievably scary. I still shudder when I think about that.

What will be your breaking point? I think it will be when you decide you've had enough. :)

Hi las. I wanted more than anything to be a social drinker. I never intended for alcohol to take over my life the way it did. At the end of my drinking career I was practically drinking 'round the clock. That's where trying to control it took me.

The hardest thing is recognizing that fact, and giving up the idea of ever being able to use our willpower to stop at two. It never worked once for me - and I tried for years. Glad you are getting this now - you won't have to go through all the pain and anguish many of us have.