Trapped
 

I want a way out of this alcohol prison.
I have tried so many times but always end up drinking.
I just can't stop.
I've tried AA meetings.
I've tried CBT exercizes.
I've tried arguing with the addictive voice.
I've tried following all the good advice of people who manage to abstain day after day.
There are times that I'm so convinced that I want it enough that I think I will make it this time - only to be drinking again by 5pm.
It's like banging my head against a brick wall.
It comes from fear.
It comes from being so afraid of life's responsibilities, emptiness, lack of meaning, and death.
I want to break free but I can't.
I'm at my wit's end and don't know what to do.

You need to come up with a plan to do something else when that temptation arises. And plan it now. Say to yourself, ok, at 5PM I like to drink, and I am unable to fight the craving. So instead, I am going to .........

If you don't make a plan, you won't have any defense against the power of this craving. You've gotten yourself into a pattern of giving in to it. Now you need to find a way to make a pattern of saying no.

Call someone, read a recovery book, get on the chat room here, knit, needlepoint, cook, do something else!!!!

Sorry dawn. It does get better. Aa is working for me. There is a difference between going to meetings and joining aa. Showing up just isn't enough. Aside from aa-- those cravings can be a bitch, it sucks to ride them out, it hurts, physically and emotionally, but the payoff is way better. Talk to our doctor, seek support from others. Take a stand. I haven't made it 21 days on my own free will. Make a commitment to not drink just for today. Don't worry about tomorrow, or next week or next month. It's just for today. You can do this. You can break free. Don't give in to the urge, the craving, or the addictive voice. Today is a new day! Best wishes xoxox

This might be where things are falling apart Dawn. You don't want to argue with the bugger, he will always win. Recognise him and ignore him. Takes practice but I think that is what finally stopped me drinking.

Have you read Allen Carr's book Easyway to stop drinking? I got some good tips from there too.

Have you got anyone to keep you accountable too? I found that helps some. Not that much because I had to be certain I wouldn't drink again before I involved anyone else, but it certainly helps stop the drinking thoughts when they come up now.

I hope you find something that helps x

Hi, Dawn. I am recognizing myself in many things you are talking about and realize it hurts a lot. Sometimes I wanted to crush my head because I had not idea what in the hell is going on there.

Do you drink till the morning because you don't want the morning to come when you have to confront all this harsh reality? What is that you are afraid so much? What's your major fear that drives into into drinking? Sorry, to ask these questions but I just feel how you are torturing. Is there anything you like? Is there anything you've been dreaming about but did not have time to do or thougt I did not deserve?

I agree with Pipparina, try to make a plan next time. And, you know, when it's nigth in Sydney, it's day in Moscow. So chances are I'll be here arount do chat with you).

And Dawn, "it's always the darkest before the dawn". Do not lose hope in yourself.