SnowDaisy

I think I'm at rock bottom. At least, I couldn't imagine things getting much worse. A few months ago I took a new job, which turned out to be a bad move. Then I got pregnant. I had an abortion. (Please don't berate me for the abortion - I feel bad enough.) I got a new kitten to help me get through the abortion. A few weeks later, I reunited with an abusive ex who beat the **** out of me and then called the cops. I refused to tell the cops he did anything and would not press assault charges even though I was bruised and bloody when they got there. They arrested me. Spent 3 days in jail, still on bond waiting for court 2 months later. (I'm in a state with very strict DV laws.) A few weeks later, my kitten died of a rare disease. A few weeks later, CPS contacted me to tell me they were investigating me for child abuse, and are putting me on some list (since the ex's kids were present when he beat me, and I was the one arrested since he called the cops and I tried to protect him).

I have been drinking. I want to stop. The ex has been extremely abusive since this happened. (Some physical, but mostly verbal.) I can't do anything about it because he is the "victim". Things may change next week to where I can stop talking to him, but maybe not. Even my attorney's advice was "don't **** him off". I really want to quit drinking, but I'm in such a hard spot right now. I feel like life bitch slapped me in the face. I kind of want to try AA - but I'm working full time, in school full time, and now have to do community service, counseling, domestic violence classes, and alcohol classes. I feel like a jerk because I've come here to quit before, only to go back to drinking.

This was more of a rant than anything. I don't know where else to turn. I am desperate to change things, but severely depressed (I started taking antidepressants a few weeks ago). Thanks for listening.

Natom

SD,

You've been through a bloody turbulent time by the sounds of it. You seem strong and willing to put effort into changing. Perhaps when you go to court mention your intentions. They may actually force you to go to AA as some kind of 'punishment'. It also may see you get off with a little bit of leniency.

The only way you can change things is to fight. You have to summon the strength to fight through the depression and see the light at the other side. You can do it. You got yourself into it and you can sure as hell get yourself back out of it again.

Natom.

hypochondriac

You won't be able to find time to drink in all that though If you can find time for drinking you can find time for meetings x I hope you get the help you need and sorry you have been through so much x

Thepatman

And ask yourself what Role Alchool played in those events, but more importantly what will it bring to the table trying to fix all this?

Fernaceman

Very good perspective, Pat. Amazing how with everything we have gone/go through, and can see alcohol as on of the main parts in it, it still calls to us as a solution to the problem. When in reality, it will just create more chaos.

Purplecatlover

I remember you. I'm sorry all this has happened to you. Go to AA. Do whatever you feel you need to do to get better. You don't deserve to live that way.
Hugs.

Dee74

I'm really sorry you're in such a bad way SD.

I agree with others - find some support - you need to make time...I don;t think it's elective right now.

I'm really worried about your ex situation too.

are you non-contact right now?

D

least

I don't understand how he can be the 'victim' if he's the one beating you! Can you get away from him? Call a domestic violence hotline? Something? Something seems very wrong here, and for sure, your drinking won't help a bit.

Sasha4

This man needs to be out of your life.

You need to block hid number, email etc etc. Go no contact.

Only deal with him through your legal representation, or this could get a lot worse.
Buying a cat may or may not be the best way to deal with a termination, but talking must help. Especially to a professional or someone who understands. Feel no shame or judgement from me.

There has been a lot of life changing events that have happened really fast for you - jail, the police, your cat, your ex. For some this episodes can happen after years of drinking, but others in rapid succession.

This just shows the far reaching consequences of alcohol.
In a flash, your life can be changed for good.

Personally, if I were you, I would be spending a lot of time working on myself, keeping my house in order.
Work hard at school, show willing in your dv and alcohol awareness classes, be an example.

Claw your way back from rock bottom. Start climbing back up.
If you don't change, and this applies to us all, then your rock bottom might be even worse. Who knows what?

You need time to heal. Surround yourself with people who love you.
Keep coming here and telling us how your getting on okay?

xxxx

SnowDaisy

Dee, there is a restraining order. But he kept calling over and over when I got out of jail, and I answered, so I violated it. Now I have no choice - I have to call him a lot and "check in", because he keeps accusing me of seeing other people. I have asked my attorney if I could get some sort of protection against him, but the answer is no. I just have to wait until the restraining order is dropped (hopefully within a week).

Dee74

why? isn't he an ex?

D

Sasha4

Can you record the telephone calls?

You don't have to check in with him.
You can see other people if you so want.
He is your ex
You can do as you please.

Fighting, verbal abuse, calling the cops, restraining orders is not the signs of a loving relationship. End of.
It is the sign of one person physically and emotionally bullying and abusing another person.

Keep away please

SnowDaisy

I do have recordings of him threatening me, but those will only be useful if I go to trial. I also have pictures of my injuries when he beat me up, but again, that only matters if I got to trial. Which I don't want to do. I want to get this crap over with as soon as I can. I feel so alone, he is the person who knows me best, and I don't have many friends left...

SnowDaisy

Good way to look at it. This has been my life for 5 years. The fact that he is considered the "victim" in this is disgusting. I've been the one being beaten and controlled and berated for years. I never thought I could go to jail just because I say I don't want to get him in trouble. I know that domestic violence should be taken seriously, but I don't understand why they can do this to the victim.

I'm just lucky that I know he won't physically hurt me. Because technically, if he came over to my house and assaulted me, I would get charged with a felony for letting him in. The laws are so messed up.

DisplacedGRITS

welcome SnowDaisy. as i read about your relationship with your ex, i can't help but draw correlations between that relationship and the relationships many alcoholics have with alcohol. we let it into our lives, let it beat us up, we never tell it off or make it back down. instead, we let it rule us and control us and abuse us and we come back for more. you're going to have to change your relationship with alcohol to get that sobriety going. you can't let it rule over you anymore. it's time to kick it out of your life for good. the great thing is, the only power alcohol has over you is the power you give it. so it's time to stand up straight and tall against it and be firm in your resolve not to drink.

the rest of your life is crazy chaotic but you have control over whether you drink or not. you can take that part of your life back. it's not going to be easy and life is going to keep throwing poop at you and you're going to want to give up and drink. but that change in attitude will come in handy. you have the power to stand up to alcohol and tell it no. there is nothing that alcohol can't make worse. it's time to take back part of your life. start with alcohol and you'll see other parts of your life will benefit as well just from that one change. dig in, firm your resolve and make this change. it's within your power. you've got a whole website of people here who will support and advise you as best we can. i wish you the very best.

Sasha4

He does not know you best believe me.

You deserve much better than this.
In years to come, if he is still a prescence in your life you will feel regret and sorrow for what could have been. Meeting someone who you can have a fullfilling relationship with.

Love does not hurt
Love is not being scared
Love is not keeping someone prisoner
Love is not checking in with someone
Love is not restraining orders
Love is jealousy.

It's all a sham and you need to realise this

SnowDaisy

Just thought I'd add... the ex always said he was afraid of me getting sober because he thought I would leave him if I wasn't drunk all the time. What insight.

choublak

Why didn't you say anything to the police?

Hevyn

SnowDaisy - By all means don't feel like a "jerk" (as you put it) for coming back here. We all understand what it's like to fail when we first try quitting. Alcohol only seems like an answer - it brings us no comfort and no relief from what we're going through. It just adds to the problems we already have. I wish I'd learned that earlier than I did.

You don't need to be foggy or hungover to deal with the challenges you're facing. You need a clear head and determination to make your life better. There's no doubt that you can learn from this and have a whole new beginning. We believe in you, and we are here to listen and help. Please keep posting.

Daisypetal

[QUOTE=SnowDaisy;3635559]I think I'm at rock bottom. At least, I couldn't imagine things getting much worse.



I can't say how many times those words came out of my mouth. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of continuing to drink and found out that, with alcohol in me, things not only could, but would (and did) get worse.

You sound like a fighter....a tough person in tougher situation. Use your strength to turn it around - make yourself tougher than it.

Lots of good wishes and love to you!