Fernaceman

Just feeling down in this moment. Made tentative plans to go to church with my Father tonight but feel a meeting would be more beneficial for me at this point in time...

I called and spoke with him to let him know this and he said it is fine and do not worry about it. As long as I am not drinking and am doing something to better myself everything is ok.

I can't help but feel extremely guilty about this, though. I feel like a bad son who so badly wants to have a better relationship with his family but can't seem to do it. Seems all my interactions with them are centered around MY recovery and that's the only relationship I have with them.

Why must I make life out to be harder than it truly is.

On the bright side, if this is the worst thing I have to deal with today, life has gotten 100x better already.

Hollyanne

I can guarantee you, Your father is happy you are trying to beat this monster.

Vall

I agree with Hollyanne.

Guilt is a terrible thing - you just have to remember that we all have it at some point in our lives.

We just have to learn to let it go and start again and live life as we want it to be taking into account our loved ones.

Weasel1966

Furnace.... I happen to think you are a great son. What you did for your self means you will be able to give more to him in the future.

That's sappy but true.

Glad you did what you did. Also to see your dad answer that way.

Punisher

Trust me, just by going to a meeting, you're going to have a better relationship with your family than you expect. Your Father said it exactly right. Don't get down on yourself for bettering yourself.

Fernaceman

Thank you everyone. I realize my thoughts and emotions are pretty chaotic at this point. I guess a lot of the guilt comes from almost not wanting to deal with it. Almost like I will be less vulnerable at a meeting in front of others who know how I feel than talking about what's going on with my Father.

Natom

Guilt and shame is something that surrounds us addicts/alcoholics. I remember someone saying to me that the only way to make amends to my parents is to get clean and stay clean. You're making an effort and I am sure your father knows that. It's not like you bailed on church to go to a strip club. You realised you needed a meeting and made the necessary arrangements to get to one. I'm sure your father understands that you needed a meeting and I am sure he will love to go to church with you another time.

FreeFall

It's often easier to deal with strangers than immediate family. Weird but true. I always feel guilty that no matter what I do for my elderly mom it's not enough. We've never been good at communicating and that's where 90% of the guilt comes from. It sounds like your dad is understanding, and realizes how important your recovery is.

Maybe you can make plans to do some more active things with him where things won't be as intense. I find conversation comes more naturally when we're out and doing something.

The other thing to think about is family dynamics start in childhood. A lot of the patterns are formed then, and it's hard to undo them. I look back and have a lot of memories where my parents were out working or socializing and just weren't around to have all these meaningful talks,etc. Maybe your family just has their patterns and you can shake them up a bit. It's never to late to try to build a better relationship.

Fernaceman

Freefall, that is a great idea. I do notice that things are a lot "easier" or smoother when doing an activity vs. sitting down in front of each other for a meal for an hour.

quitforme79

I think that when we have felt guilty for long enough it always seems to be the emotion to come up, even when it's not warranted. I bet your family IS really happy and proud of what you are doing. Be gentle with yourself

DisplacedGRITS

my mom was really gentle with me for the first couple of months. it's getting a lot better the longer i'm sober. i think the longer you're sober the less your father is going to worry about your sobriety and his role in it. i think you're fine to head off to a meeting and your dad's just doing everything he can to be supportive. don't feel guilty. take his gift and be grateful instead.

Dee74

a lot of us are not used to doing good things for ourselves...bad things yes, but good not so much...we can feel selfish and guilty.

It's not selfish to look after our recovery, IMO

I was a bad son when I was drinking Fernaceman...not in recovery

D

MythOfSisyphus

In all your years of drinking you were being selfing. Recovery is selfish in a sense but it will improve your relationship with your family a thousand-fold.

Be selfish now to be selfless later.

Dejvice

Just try to be a bit stronger than life then it gets less harder. I guess it means to be hard on yourself and to dig deep for that will power, dig deep for it and show your family what you are made from.

freshstart57

Some things are only as difficult as we choose to make them.