Fell of the wagon again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Wales, UK
Posts: 70
Fell of the wagon again
I'm ashamed to say that I started drinking again. I went on a week long bender which ended yesterday. I haven't had anything to drink today and don't intend to. This is going to be my new day one!
I am disgusted by my lack of self-control and sick of my own long list of excuses. I can't believe I've put my family through this again. I feel so guilty and angry with myself right now.
I'm going to spend the day on this site because everyone is so supportive and encouraging. Sorry for coming on and letting you know that I've failed once again.
I am disgusted by my lack of self-control and sick of my own long list of excuses. I can't believe I've put my family through this again. I feel so guilty and angry with myself right now.
I'm going to spend the day on this site because everyone is so supportive and encouraging. Sorry for coming on and letting you know that I've failed once again.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
You have not failed. You have provided yourself with another negative period of drinking that will only make your resolve stronger. And stop behing so hard on yourself. Just get up, get back on the waggon and handcoff yourselft to hit if you have to!
All the best. Glad your here, I'm sober since october 02! And really happy
All the best. Glad your here, I'm sober since october 02! And really happy
A simple guy making his way
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
T.... No apologies for admitting what happened. Glad you are back with us.
Some people can say one day they are done and never drink again.
Others need some reminding and do drink with regret.
I am the latter in the group. So I have a good sense of your emotions around the event.
But the good part about coming back here is that you show a willingness to change. That's where it has to begin.
I found I needed a plan of actions. I long had a plan of words but they did nothing to help or protect me.
What are you doing beside SR to strengthen your sobriety?
I will be here all day as well! I am in good company.
K
Some people can say one day they are done and never drink again.
Others need some reminding and do drink with regret.
I am the latter in the group. So I have a good sense of your emotions around the event.
But the good part about coming back here is that you show a willingness to change. That's where it has to begin.
I found I needed a plan of actions. I long had a plan of words but they did nothing to help or protect me.
What are you doing beside SR to strengthen your sobriety?
I will be here all day as well! I am in good company.
K
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 218
No need to apologize tm. I'd recommend you use this as a learning experience, and not a self beat down. It happens, we are human. Figure out what went wrong, and fix it. You can do this and you have people here rooting for your success.
Pure Radio Rental
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Off course, of course.
Posts: 952
Don't look at it as failure, look at it as a temporary slip in the gears.
Don't dwell on it too much, just look at today as the first day of a new way of living.
Might sound hard now but it will get easier.
Peace.
Don't dwell on it too much, just look at today as the first day of a new way of living.
Might sound hard now but it will get easier.
Peace.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Wales, UK
Posts: 70
Thanks everyone.
Weasel, I must admit I'm not doing much else to maintain my sobriety which is probably why I keep lapsing. I've been looking at AVRT today which makes a lot of sense.
I should consider AA again. I did go about ten years ago but became despondent when I realised that some people had been going for more than a decade. In my 'arrogance' I thought I'm not going to spend the rest of my life in AA meetings. Stupid thinking really because I bet they're still sober now.
Weasel, I must admit I'm not doing much else to maintain my sobriety which is probably why I keep lapsing. I've been looking at AVRT today which makes a lot of sense.
I should consider AA again. I did go about ten years ago but became despondent when I realised that some people had been going for more than a decade. In my 'arrogance' I thought I'm not going to spend the rest of my life in AA meetings. Stupid thinking really because I bet they're still sober now.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Pine Grove, PA
Posts: 146
TM75--Fish Swim, Birds Fly, and Alcoholics Drink --It is what we do when we suffer from untreated Alcoholism. Maybe a F2F meeting and sharing with a group of people who truly understand would help?
A simple guy making his way
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
T. I think AVRT does make sense. I use elements of it to help me. After 6 months of lapses every few days I realized some things about me. While I did do better than before with AVRT and SR I find that I needed to be around people as well. Have someplace to go to get out of my routines. So I went to AA. Since then I have had only two small slips.
The point is find the combination of things that work for you. Finding the balance may take a few tries but keep trying.
K
The point is find the combination of things that work for you. Finding the balance may take a few tries but keep trying.
K
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by TM75 
Thanks everyone.
Weasel, I must admit I'm not doing much else to maintain my sobriety which is probably why I keep lapsing. I've been looking at AVRT today which makes a lot of sense.
I should consider AA again. I did go about ten years ago but became despondent when I realised that some people had been going for more than a decade. In my 'arrogance' I thought I'm not going to spend the rest of my life in AA meetings. Stupid thinking really because I bet they're still sober now.
Weasel, I must admit I'm not doing much else to maintain my sobriety which is probably why I keep lapsing. I've been looking at AVRT today which makes a lot of sense.
I should consider AA again. I did go about ten years ago but became despondent when I realised that some people had been going for more than a decade. In my 'arrogance' I thought I'm not going to spend the rest of my life in AA meetings. Stupid thinking really because I bet they're still sober now.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
Trudger of Happy Destiny
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 1,918
TM, welcome back. I, too, just went through the guilt and embarrassment of relapsing and coming back with my tail between my legs. I myself just came out of it two weeks ago.
As it has been stated, it is extremely important to not view this as a failure at all. I know it is extremely difficult to NOT think that way. I think it's wanting things to be a certain way when they really aren't.
The situation is just this: It happened, you (or I) can't change that. It will just drive emotions downward and downward if we continue to fester on the past or the "why." It's simply not productive.
Many people have told me this: I needed every drink or drug I have ever consumed (including this last relapse) to get me to where I am today in my sobriety.
The unimportant part of the experience is what happened. That cannot be changed or undone. The MORE important part is what you, or I, are doing about it.
I also heard a good saying the other night which stood out to me.
If I am truly an alcoholic, I am going to spend the rest of my life surrounding myself by other alcoholics anyway. This could either be in a bar or around the tables (or forums) of a recovery community. One group is killing themselves the others are attempting to make themselves better people. One group doesn't really care about the others and the other group will do WHATEVER they can in their power to help...
Which group would you rather be a part of?
As it has been stated, it is extremely important to not view this as a failure at all. I know it is extremely difficult to NOT think that way. I think it's wanting things to be a certain way when they really aren't.
The situation is just this: It happened, you (or I) can't change that. It will just drive emotions downward and downward if we continue to fester on the past or the "why." It's simply not productive.
Many people have told me this: I needed every drink or drug I have ever consumed (including this last relapse) to get me to where I am today in my sobriety.
The unimportant part of the experience is what happened. That cannot be changed or undone. The MORE important part is what you, or I, are doing about it.
I also heard a good saying the other night which stood out to me.
If I am truly an alcoholic, I am going to spend the rest of my life surrounding myself by other alcoholics anyway. This could either be in a bar or around the tables (or forums) of a recovery community. One group is killing themselves the others are attempting to make themselves better people. One group doesn't really care about the others and the other group will do WHATEVER they can in their power to help...
Which group would you rather be a part of?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Wales, UK
Posts: 70
Thanks Fernaceman
I know exactly what group I want to belong to and it's not the ones killing themselves.
You're absolutely right about looking forward now and not living in regret. It certainly is counterproductive. I was being hard on myself earlier today - you and I both know what it's like dealing with the aftermath of a bender (It's harder to deal with the emotional consequences than the physical ones!
).
We must keep fighting for our sobriety. The support on this site is amazing. It really has kept me going today.
I know exactly what group I want to belong to and it's not the ones killing themselves.
You're absolutely right about looking forward now and not living in regret. It certainly is counterproductive. I was being hard on myself earlier today - you and I both know what it's like dealing with the aftermath of a bender (It's harder to deal with the emotional consequences than the physical ones!
).We must keep fighting for our sobriety. The support on this site is amazing. It really has kept me going today.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 360
Not this time, but the time before it, I was so sure that I was going to be sober forever. Made it four weeks before I started using again, that was at the end of July. I felt bad about it for a very long time, and I still do a little bit right now.
There have been a lot of week two's, three's, four's, even up to seven. I documented a lot of my sobriety with a digital calendar and can go back and see all of the failed attempts. I'm coming up on a new record right now, and the difference is that I've been coming here every day, and every day I've renewed my promise to not drink or use drugs again. In computing cables can only carry a signal for so long before it gets too weak and becomes distorted, then something called a repeater is used, it takes the weak signal and boosts it out the other end at full strength again. People are the same way, we can hear or see something, but over time it starts to fade in our mind. You've got to keep the message going; that sobriety is important and you will do what it takes to make it work.
There have been a lot of week two's, three's, four's, even up to seven. I documented a lot of my sobriety with a digital calendar and can go back and see all of the failed attempts. I'm coming up on a new record right now, and the difference is that I've been coming here every day, and every day I've renewed my promise to not drink or use drugs again. In computing cables can only carry a signal for so long before it gets too weak and becomes distorted, then something called a repeater is used, it takes the weak signal and boosts it out the other end at full strength again. People are the same way, we can hear or see something, but over time it starts to fade in our mind. You've got to keep the message going; that sobriety is important and you will do what it takes to make it work.
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