Ragamuffin

Holidays.
Halloween.
Parties.

My ex is going to a party tonight, her and I are trying to work things out now that i'm sober, my drinking ruined us more or less.

She doesn't really care that I'm sober, she thinks it no big deal.She's only worried about that I've lost weight really. There's so many emotions I don't even know how to put into words.

I love her, she's mostly a good person. I don't know I probably need to get over her.

Tonight she is going to a Halloween party and drinking and smoking. We JUST got into a fight where I told her I didn't want that in my life. She was like I wish you could understand that I do this occasionally.

I don't really know how to voice how i feel but i'm upset with this... It stings in my heart all day, should I be understanding? Or if someone has been with you for 3 years and ha seen the worst parts of you wouldn't they want to make sure you were better by supporting you and not using? If she doesn't have a problem then stopping drinking and smoking shouldn't be a problem


ugh i don't know, i'm so scattered. advice?

jakec

Maybe you should have a nice long talk with her.. Explain how if you two are going to be together then she can't be doing those kinds of things. Really explain how important getting and staying sober is for you.

And maybe a relationship might be too much for you to handle at the moment? I don't know, I'm not you but a lot of people suggest that relationships aren't the best idea for people in early recovery.. It might be a good idea to just focus on you and your sobriety..

Dee74

Hi Rags

I'm sorry - I know early recovery is a time of intense emotion and upheaval.

It would be nice if those closest to us understood - but often they don't. That's why we have places like SR and recovery groups like AA, SMART, AVRT etc.

It was hard for me to grasp this - but it's my problem, not anyone else's.

I have to remember that drinking is bad for me, but it's not necessarily bad for other people, and I have to live in their world, because there's many more of them than there is of me.

I can't dictate how others live, only myself.

I think that's especially important when the someone else involved is an ex. If we push them they're likely to push back. That's just human nature.

Living sober takes time to get used to and accept. If Halloween parties upset you this year - stay away and focus on your recovery.

There'll be other parties, other times down the track, and I promise you'll enjoy them

D

Anna

It's hard to move through the early days of recovery and get used to sober life. Most people don't understand addiction and that's why many of us come here. We do understand. You're right, it's not up to you to tell her to stop drinking to support you. But, you need to find a framework that is comfortable for you. I stayed away from people who were drinking for quite a long time.

Delilah1

I have felt this way about my husband. He is still drinking more than he should every night. We both said many times that we need to cut down on our drinking. Nine days ago I woke up and decided that I was done. I made an appointment with my doctor, and have attended two meetings and one education class through my insurance. I am also meeting with a therapist to talk through things. It isn't easy, but I know I am not able to drink in moderation (I have tried way too many times.)
It is nice to have SR as a support. Everyone on here may be in different locations around the world, and different places in our lives, but we are all dealing with the same issues. Thanks SR!