losteverything

I have been around this rodea for awhile...I have had my problems, and I own them. I had a slip after 9 months, but I might be in denial, but I actually forgive myself for that, and carry on. I come back now, 3 weeks sober...and pizzed off at the chat room. Some new comer, broken and reaching out, does he really need to read how someone doesn't know whether to buy that 850,000 house with the pool, or the 780,000 house with manicured lawn? Is this a bragging sobriety website, or is it a support website, welcoming the newcomer actually wanting to talk about substantial stuff? ...alot of people throw their sobriety, all new acquired great stuff at newcomers...and I have to ask, do you think that makes someone new feel like that they are going to strive for that, or do you think that would make them feel like they dont live up to that, so why bother?.....

Dee74

Hey LE

you know the chat room and these forums are just like real life...

sometimes you're gonna find people who are really on your wavelength and it's like they're waiting to help you...

and sometimes they're going to be on some other personal tangent which may not mean much to you, but it's probably important to them.

I've never know a website to be more welcoming that this one.
We may not always get it right, but we do most of the time I think

Even the best of us deserve a chance to have some me time and to goof off a little, don't you think?

I hope this newcomer will find his way into other conversations, or even post here in newcomers eventually...they'll be fine

but how are you doin?

D

lilgolden73

I agree DEE!!! I say all kinds of crazy things, but rest assured I will not be buying a almost million dollar house anytime soon I am trying to stay sober and I just let it all fly out sometimes!!! Sorry!

CommunityDawn

I am extremely grateful to this site but know what losteverything means. Is it better to enter another (recovery orientated) chatroom and wait for someone to appear if wanting to talk about recovery issues. I understand people's need to socialize in a normal manner. (It's good for the soul.) Yet I have to admit to having left the chat room several times when nobody seemed to be talking recovery. I am trying to get sober again and so am a bit raw at the moment. I could have brought it up in conversation but didn't want to interrupt the flow of talk. Some people might be a bit put off by this. JMHO.
The forums have been great. I feel very supported here. :-)

losteverything

I am doing fine, and happy to be aboard again... I guess I have a few anger issues, and I certainly dont wish to see SR chat turning into a pickup bar/brag fest...sure, we can all joke a bit, but isn't there a whole world wide web available for such things? I prefer that SR remain recovery oriented.....support, helpful suggestions, fellowship, positive re inforcement....) People find this site for a reason, lets not let that reason go by the wayside in place of egos, bragart, surpufluous chat. People come here out of desperation, out of being completely broken and lost....flaunting time sober, wealth, whatever wont welcome our new downtrodden, I think it will simply reinforce how they feel...inadequate. Cant support be about helping newcomers coming here for a ray of hope? There are plenty of chat rooms...and I cant say 13 steppers, but it really does seem lounge lizard haven in the chat room, often, when I come in....that is inconsciousable......

Dee74

I remember at parties I was never much good at launching myself into conversations - and then when I did, often the things I wanted to talk about where not what others wanted to talk about.

I expect it's the same in the chat room - any chat room. They're a different beast to a forum and they're not my thang at all.

I do know tho that our (very) small band of volunteer staff there do an absolutely amazing and mercurial job - I'd back our chat room against any others anytime, anywhere.

I am sorry if anyone's felt less than welcome, but I think, if anyone has a complaint or suggestions, it's best to PM one of the orange chat monitors


D

LSC1

I am sorry you left the chat room feeling like that losteverything.

DisplacedGRITS

well, i am grateful for the chat room. it's a place where i feel relaxed and enjoy talking with people. i don't mind people talking about houses or whatnot. it's a place to just enjoy each other's company, come for help or help someone who needs it.

just remember, there is an ignore feature in the chat room. you can click on a person's name in the box on the right hand of the chat screen. if you don't care to read what a particular person is talking about, feel free to ignore them. i hope you don't give up on the room. we generally have a nice time there. i'm sorry your first experience didn't go well.

Dee74

Thanks for the ignore tip DG - makes sense

It should be LE...but neither one of us has the power to make other people do what we want...

We can make efforts ourselves to make sure that newbies are welcome and supported tho

maybe it's like the Gandhi thing - be the change you want to see, LE?

D

Blondie0419

I have not used the chats yet, just postings. This is my second time around being serious about quitting drinking. Just joined this site this month. I've shared good things I've gone through in my short time not drinking, as well as the bad. I've shared my days sober as a way to be accountable for myself and to remind myself where I am at in my recovery. I like seeing how many days others are along in the process, makes me feel like there are some right about at the spot I am in, and I am encouraged seeing posting of others are further along because it does help me to realize I can do this. I think people should be proud of their progress! I think it's important to share both the positive and negative that come along with this process, and I that feedback for both is important.

Blondie0419

I'm 20 days sober today for the first time ever! I'm proud of that.... I think saying that is part of my recovery, not flaunting....

Natom

Some people can be clean for ages and still have a very high sickness rate. Some people don't have any empathy. Principles before personalities though.

pooky

Sometimes if there are a lot of people in chat it doesn't lend to seriousness. Try to go on when there arent very many people.Ive had some of the most help from ppl in there but sometimes it can be a bit silly.

sugarbear1

All you need to do is to start typing what you need. The others will chime in. If you are just lurking, the chat will just be chat. What were your words in that chat room? All we can do is control what we say and do, not what others say and do.

Welcome to SR!

renaldo

I haven't tried the chat room, and based on what I'm hearing, I don't think I will. I sometimes wonder if I'm diverging too far from the subject on the newcomers forum.

I had a friend who said in an email, "life is too short to waste on negative people." I wasn't sure if he was referring to me, because I emailed him about my triumphs and failures and he did the same. For several years we had been emailing back and forth and during the course of the interaction I would talk about stuff that I was enthusiastic about. Turns out he was sitting on some jealousy about it (foreign countries that I was enamored with and have had the good fortune to visit on a shoestring budget) and said he was sick of hearing what my areas of interest were.

I think he was also resentful that I love my family, when he hates his.

He hates his mother and his brother (who he punched in the face) and hasn't made any new friends in the place he's been moved to since he moved there several years ago. I've decided to let this relationship go.

This has nothing to do with alcohol, but hopefully if it's related to something someone brings up, it's still welcome on the newcomers forum.

Sapling

You can always add face to face meetings to your recovery....It is the Internet you know? Something about seeing the face of who is sharing their recovery with me seems to hit home better for me...It's just a thought.

freshstart57

Sorry that was your experience, Lost. I agree that the conversation in chat sometimes is about other things than personal sobriety. On the other hand, I know that you have seen some of us welcome a newcomer with the invitation to lead the conversation where they need it to go. We all understand that is the stated purpose of this SR feature.

Chat has a dozen rooms to hold conversations, and there is always the option to chat one on one with any person you choose. I hope that you check back in and find the support you are looking for there.

Anna

My suggestion would be to stay away from the Chat Room for awhile and continue to post on these boards. The threads in our forums stick to the topic at hand, which is almost always recovery related. There is a Cafe forum where members can talk about outside topics, of course.