Unsure about a lot of things except that I need to quit!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: warner robins GA
Posts: 1
Unsure about a lot of things except that I need to quit! 
I'm rather unsure about a lot in life right now...but I guess I should start from the beginning..
I don't drink everyday or anything but I am almost certain have a binge drinking problem. whenever I go out I always go out with the intention of having a couple of drinks and having an enjoyable time with friends but I always end up blacked out drunk not being able to remember anything and it happens so quickly and I have never understood why or how it happens. However it does almost everytime I drink. I know I need to stop drinking all together I am not capable of only having a few drinks. I always feel shame, guilt and embarrassment after a night of drinking. Also I never know what I have said or done or who I have made mad or anything so i get terrible anxiety then next day to a week. I always tell myself I'm not going to drink anymore but at my age that is what everyone I know does so its even harder to resist but that is no excuse I guess its apart of my weakness while trying to deal with this...
Also I am one to fly off the handle when drinking I think partially because I stopped talking to people about my emotions and the way I feel about things years ago after a failed relationship due to unusual circumstances that I didnt know how to deal with. I didnt stop talking because I didnt have anything to say but because no one else knew what to say to me and it always just made conversations awkward so I just stopped talking about everything to everyone outside of superficial conversations and small talk. And I am also quite unsure about how to get back to share my thoughts and feeling about my personal life. But I know that's probably one of the reason I started drinking more I used to drink a lot when I was around 18 then stopped until I turned 21 and the previously mention situation occurred since then for the past couple of years I have been on a downward spiral with drinking and I want to stop! I need to stop! I am a mother to 2 beautiful children and I have a bright future ahead of me if I dont mess it up and I know for a fact if I continue to drink I will not only ruin my own life but my childrens and family's life. I have seen the effects of alcoholism my whole life there are mulitple alcoholics on both sides of my family and I have seen how damagaing and awful of a road it can be I watched my grandmother die from her drinking. So I am unsure of why it is so hard for me to stop having all the knowledge and insight into that I do and I still continue to make the same mistakes. and more than anything it makes me angry at myself.
I am also so afraid of negative judgement because lately I have been trying to make postive changes in my life such as being a much better mother, going/volunteering at church multiple times a week, got a new job, and started school back but last night I could have ended all of what I have going for me by drinking I am too ashamed to say what it is that actually opened my eyes further to this but I need to stop and I want to stop I guess what I really need is help and pointers on how to stop or stories of how others have. I am going to try to go to an AA meeting soon so I can hopefully have some sort of support system close to home...right now I am really just lost...
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Robyn!
You've come to a great place. We know what it's like.... I tried for years to control my drinking (I was always going to do better the next time!). The problem is, some of us just don't have an "off" button; one drink leads to 10. It always baffled me, but what a relief to come here and find out I wasn't alone.
I thought alcohol helped me cope, but all it did was make me anxious and depressed in the long run. I'm a much better (and happier) mom today.
Glad you're here!
You've come to a great place. We know what it's like.... I tried for years to control my drinking (I was always going to do better the next time!). The problem is, some of us just don't have an "off" button; one drink leads to 10. It always baffled me, but what a relief to come here and find out I wasn't alone.
I thought alcohol helped me cope, but all it did was make me anxious and depressed in the long run. I'm a much better (and happier) mom today.
Glad you're here!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,498
Please don't be so hard on yourself. Alcoholism is a disease, not a character defect. No one here is judging you, and you have no reason to tell people in your life about the things that shame you, unless you specifically decide to trust someone. You can learn new and healthy ways to deal with people in your life. One thing I used to do was I'd either say too much about personal issues to acquaintance-type friends. And, on the other hand, I would close off personal discussions with close friends. I had to learn what was appropriate.
It's great that you know that you want to make your life better for yourself and your children. That's what recovery is all about.
It's great that you know that you want to make your life better for yourself and your children. That's what recovery is all about.
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