lilac0721

ARGH! I am on day 3. Day 2 was a challenge (in previous sobriety attempts, day 2 was not a challenge).

I tried to get to a meeting. We have few meetings in the town where I live. There is a noon meeting M-F. There is a meeting at 7pm on Monday and Friday (they just eliminated one at the same time on Thursdays). There is a meeting at 10am on Sundays. There is a group that meets on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday at 8pm. So not too bad, but I can't get to them: yesterday I tried desperately to get to the noon meeting. Couldn't get out of work til a little before noon. Didn't make it back into town til 12:20. I hate walking into anything that late. So I didn't. 8pm on a weeknight is too late. I am pretty close to falling asleep at about that time. The last time I went to an 8pm meeting I couldn't fall asleep until 2am. So I am not keen on going back and getting insomnia again. It is nearly impossible for me to get out of work in time to get to a noon meeting and then be back at work in time for the afternoon. When I go to the meetings on Monday and Friday at 7, I am usually the only woman. Sundays I go to church at 10.

So there aren't many meetings and even fewer women in the program in this place where I live. Next closest town is nearly an hour away.

I feel like I can't get meetings in, and work and exercise and be the housewife. Yeah, one of the things bugging me is that I cook, clean and pick up after my husband because he has become a slob. Doesn't put his clothes away and won't let me so they're in piles on the bedroom floor. Does nothing but eat and watch tv when he gets home from work. There are other issues that are too private to share here.

Exercise is critical in keeping my mood level (non-depressed) and making me want to stay sober. But I feel like I can't do it all.

It all feels impossible. And then there are the thoughts: can't get to a meeting? Well, if you don't go to meetings you're going to end up drunk so you may as well drink now. Husband is a slob and won't clean up even when you ask? Get drunk, then it won't bother you. Can't exercise because you've wasted all your time running around trying to get to places you can't get to in time? May as well drink instead.

Then there's work. Some days I like it, but when I get sober I face the fact that I HATE conflict and I engage in conflict for a living. Then I get depressed. I am already there. I realize that my marriage is not so great, that I'm in a career that drains me and makes me miserable, and my answer is to drink. But I don't want to drink, because part of me knows that I can't move toward true authenticity in my life unless i quit numbing and covering up what I really want and believe and feel. ARRRGH! Why does everything seem overwhelming and impossible?????

trikuza

If you cant make meetings, just try and hang around here more. Instead of waiting for others to talk at AA, you have a whole website of people who will answer your questions within seconds.!

Anna

You don't need to drink just because you aren't going to meetings. AA is a good option, but many of us are recovering using different methods. You need to find what works for you and do what it takes.

And, yes, I know how overwhelming the feelings are that you need to face when you stop drinking. I didn't know how to manage and it kept me drinking for a long time. My suggestion is to prioritize and take it slowly. Make a 'to do' list for the day and try to get a few things accomplished. If you don't like your job, step back and see if you would fit into a different part of the company or do you need to look elsewhere? Are there any courses you could take to move yourself into a different field? It doesn't all have to be fixed at once, and I found that as long as I was moving slowly in a positive direction, I felt good about things.

Sapling

Sounds to me like you need some major changes in your life....I know I did. Engaging in conflict for a job would be the first thing I would look at.

doggonecarl

Sorry to read you are still struggling Lilac.

Let me state the obvious. If you found the time to drink, you can find the time to do what it takes to stay sober.

Wishing you the best.

Fandy

you stated that you don't want to drink and you feel overwhelmed with work and home. If the meetings are causing you extra stress, it's not helpful..

sounds like exercise is your "me" time and you enjoy it, I think that is very important. I'm sorry that your husband is not more supportive or appreciative of your efforts. I know for me, having a clean house is like a peaceful sanctuary too...helps my head.

i hope things work out and you feel less stressed as you get more sober time.

MIRecovery

I always like to throw out this reality check, "Did you always manage to fit your drinking into your hecktic schedule?" For me being a drunk took up a lot more time and energy than AA ever has

Fandy

I think that people who are thumping and spouting might want to go back and really READ Lilac's beginning post.

she's stating some very real problems and obstacles to her life (along with zero support from the hubster it seems)....Many of us have to work and meet our job's expectations along with getting sober and have families...( i know I did and i have a very demanding academic career). We do NOT have the luxury of dropping the rest of our responsibilities to fit the AA meeting schedule....she needs her rest to be less stressed, going to bed very late and not sleeping is not going to help her either.

How about some viable options to help her instead of the usual "oh you made time for drinking"? Online meetings? as one person suggested more SR time, etc.

Veritas1

You and I have been at this for awhile.

Are you doing pages 86-88, word for word daily....upon awakening....

This has been helpful for me.

I don't get to meetings, but there is much I do from the book, and also, I listen to AA speakers....

I call my sponsor and talk with her and that is helpful.

I pray and meditate, and also have been writing. This may be helpful for you.

I can relate to being unhappy when someone doesn't behave the way you want for them to.

I can't change anyone.

I must change myself.

freshstart57

Lilac, there are tools you can use that are specifically designed to address these thoughts, and they do not preclude attending AA meetings when you can. One of them is 'Urge Surfing', it helps deal the the wave of cravings that hit us at certain times. Google that, it may be what you are looking for. You can use this as a 'helper' as you travel on your spiritual journey.

justhadenough

Hi Lilac

Well said Fandy

Lilac, You don't have to use AA or go to meetings.

You sound very stressful and busy. I can relate, as also have a hubby,child and work in conflict role at work,albeit only part time. Can you try and break down things into manageable parts. Speak to your husband, get a cleaner if it eases the pressure.I think getting sober reall y highlights the problems we have hidden whilst drinking

quitforme79

Sorry to hear you are struggling lilac. Your username bought a smile to my face as that is my favorite flower I had and still have at times some of the same thoughts that come up to rationalize drinking. I find that when I post on here I feel better because 1) I get great advice & 2) Just saying it gets it out of my mind for awhile. Keep posting here and we will listen. Congrats on day 3!

lyddie

Hey Lilac -

I remember you from 2010 when I was struggling with the first few days and trying to get beyond the 14 day mark. I too did a lot of what I call stop and go sobriety. I wish I could tell you what magic thing happened that helped me to get to over 2 years sober now (I didn't go to AA nor did I use the big book) but I am not exactly sure how I finally found the strength to sustain sobriety through the difficult early days. I did post here daily and found connections with others on the board who were in the same place but I think that somehow I decided I was really going to do it this time and not look back. Can you find that strength inside? Can you make a plan to get some support to help you find the strength?

Good luck. I remember thinking that Day 3 really was hard - each and every time I got to Day 3. I hope you can get beyond where you are now in life. It really is so much better being sober but it takes work and commitment.

freshstart57

Wow, lyddie, that is a great success story you have. Two years of keeping it real - thanks for sharing this experience with us, and passing on some strength and hope, too.

foodie1

Sorry to hear of your struggle lilac, it sounds like a lot of us can relate. This is something I've had to realize in my sobriety too, that I can get overwhelmed (and by the very nature of the feeling, I'm there before I know it) and then all bets are off. My reasoning goes out the window!

I've gotten to the point now where I can at least tell someone I'm overwhelmed. I joke that I'm using my "feeling words" like a little child! But hey, it works. Whether I'm telling this to my husband, my sponsor or a friend, it seems to help to get it out.

If you decide to continue with AA, I wonder if you could put together a women's meeting that matches your schedule a little better? If there aren't many women's meetings in your area, sounds like there's a need. My favorite meeting is a small women's meeting that started for that very same reason.

If you decide not to continue with AA, there are some great people on this site who can help you find other methods of recovery. It sounds like you want recovery, and that's the most important thing.

One last little tidbit, I'm easily overwhelmed myself, by my own to-do lists, no less! I've just recently made a change: I only write 3 things per day on my to-do list. I've found that this is helping me prioritize what needs to get done today, and I actually end up doing it!! (Because the list is no longer pages long!) There's only 3 things. Bam, done. Worth a try.

All the best to you lilac!

MIRecovery

IMO, I guess I do not view my AA meetings as optional. I view them as the medicine that is necessary to keep me alive. I will do what ever I have to do to maintain my sobriety and AA is what has kept me alive and sober. I am dealing with a fatal disease and I need my medicine because with out it I know alcohol will eventually convince me that I over reacted that it will be different this time. So I am willing to let anything else go but not my meeting attendance because with out them I will not have my job, my family, or my life.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Lilac. I am on my Day 4 now, and yesterday, on Day 3 felt terrible as well. I don't go to meetings either, for one simple reason: we just do not have AA meetings where I live. So, I am learning to use what it's available to stay away from booze.

It's great that you like exercising. It's just awasome, it helps your body, your immune system, improve your mood. It helps me a lot, so, I think, mess in the house can wait, but exercising can't.

You seem to run the same circle every day, and do not see any light ahead. In the evening try to take some time for yourself. Maybe , download some interesting audiobook in your MP3 player and go for a walk instead of staying at home. It helps me. Try to watch less TV - it is mostly useless and depressing. Your husband watches TV, but you can choose something else to do. Prioritize for your health and sobriety at the moment, do not try to be perfect at everything. Do not be obsesses with a thought that since you are not going to meetings, you are goingn to fail. It is just not true!

And I'll find a lot of help here, at SR.

I hope things are going better for you.

Take care.

MIRecovery

No sure if there are English meetings but there is AA in Russia. Unfortunately their site is in Russian

A.A. Resources in Russia


GENERAL SERVICE OFFICE

General Service Office Of A.A.
P O Box 33
Moscow-128, Russia 129128 , Russia
Site: Ð�нонимные Ð�лкоголики Ð*оÑ�Ñ�ии

INTERGROUPS AND/OR ANSWERING SERVICES

Moscow

Moscow Intergroup
Phone:Main: ( 7)495-1854000

MidnightBlue

[QUOTE=MIRecovery;3630946]No sure if there are English meetings but there is AA in Russia. Unfortunately their site is in Russian

Thanks, MIRecovery. I've never heard they have it in Moscow.

MIRecovery

[QUOTE=MidnightBlue;3630977] I think there is AA just about everywhere plus you are in the alcoholic capital of the world. Would not be surprised if there was some expat meetings