Will I ever be normal again? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read





Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-18-2012, 03:21 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: May 2012
Location: Tuscaloosa, al
Posts: 23

Will I ever be normal again?


I guess I'll introduce myself. My name is Nick. Im 28 and been an addict for ten years. When I was 18 I stayed high all the time, did almost every drug possible. It all changed when I met my wife. I was 20 at the time. She changed my life. At the time I had warrents for probation violation for drug possession. She talked me into turning myself in. It worked out for the best. I got clean and stayed clean. I ended up with a perfect job for myself. About 2 years go by and i get aquainted with methadone. I loved it. I could get so much more work done when I took it. Thought it would never be a problem. lol. It became one. I lost my job because of it and my wife. I got to where I was spending to much on pills so I thought it would be smart to switch to herion. I got to where I was shooting it everyday just to function. I ended up going to jail for an unpaid ticket and withdrawed in there for 2 weeks. That was 2 months ago. Havent go back to h yet. I feel like Im getting better. I just dont feel like myself anymore. The physical withdrawls are gone. The psycological sucks. I occasionally will take a couple tabs or a roxi and be good for most of the day. Makes me feel normal when I take an opiate. I dont want to be like this the rest of my life. What does it take to live a normal life without opiates? I can handle the physical but these mental withdrawals are going to keep me from staying clean.
NickCage is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to NickCage For This Useful Post:
MalkavianEmily (10-19-2012), NewBeginning010 (10-18-2012)
Old 10-18-2012, 03:36 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,110
Opiates, I don't know about. But I'm alchool sober since October 02. I feel similar then you sometimes. But I did this for 20 years, most of my adult life. I am giving it time, lot's of time to get to know myself again, to find sober friends, sober hobbies, to deal with life's problems sober. I have to re-learn how to live.

Maybe you also?
Thepatman is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Thepatman For This Useful Post:
YVRguy (10-18-2012)
Old 10-18-2012, 04:19 PM   #3 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 175,216
Blog Entries: 1
Hi Nick - welcome

I don't know much about opiates either but I was addicted to booze and other stuff for 20 years - it took a little longer than 2 months for me to feel normal, and a little longer than that to trust that feeling, if you get me?

I think taking things to feel good is only impeding your progress tho.

As long as I looked for something to make me feel good I was still thinking like I used
to, and going back to full on bad ways...only a step away from the edge of the cliff, y'know?

It is possible to feel good without anything - there's hundreds of stories here that are proof of that - you just have to have a little faith and a little patience.

Are you using any other support besides SR? I think supports important for those tough times when a little something starts to sound good.

You'll find a lot of support here anyway. Do check out our substance abuse forum as well:

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
MalkavianEmily (10-19-2012)
Old 10-18-2012, 04:58 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: May 2012
Location: Tuscaloosa, al
Posts: 23
Yea, I know better than to take anything. I just hate this feeling. Tomorrow morning will be day 2 of nothing. Wish me luck. Thanks
NickCage is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to NickCage For This Useful Post:
Choppersled (10-19-2012), least (10-18-2012)
Old 10-18-2012, 05:05 PM   #5 (permalink)
Crazy Cat Lady
 
DisplacedGRITS's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,662
Blog Entries: 3
i had to remind myself that "normal" is relative. my normal for a long time was drinking around the clock and laying in my bed for up to 20 hours a day. i don't know what normal is for other people. i'm an alcoholic so that's all i have experience with. it took me a couple of weeks until my physical symptoms really eased up and a month before my brain was fairly straight. by my third month i really felt like my head was screwed on the right way round again. since then, i can't say a month goes by that i don't feel some kind of progress. good luck on the rest of your day one and all your days to follow. keep checking in here!

(i'm originally from Alabama...i know we're horrible this year but War Eagle!)
__________________
Sobriety Date: March 25, 2014

If I can do it, you can do it.

Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. -The Big Book of AA, Chapter 5 Page 58
DisplacedGRITS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2012, 05:10 PM   #6 (permalink)
Not Alone
 
Natom's Avatar
 

Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,394
I have little experience with opiates but I was addicted to cocaine for a long period of time. With that my mind kinda turned into mush. What I have found is that after a two year period of occasional sober time and a spell of 5 months now is that my mind is very slowly but surely turning me into a completely different person. I don't see the haze anymore. It's all crystal clear. It happens when you first stop using and it just keeps happening if you let it.
__________________
Getting there!
Natom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2012, 05:18 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 5
Hope you are doing well.
joemama68 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2012, 05:41 PM   #8 (permalink)
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: eastern USA
Posts: 77,840
Blog Entries: 32
I don't know anything about opiates either but wanted to welcome you to the family.
__________________
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley
least is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2012, 05:45 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: May 2012
Location: Tuscaloosa, al
Posts: 23
Thanks for all the replies. My mind is a fog right now. I know it can only get better with time though. And DisplacedGRITS, I just had to say Roll Tide. lol
NickCage is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2012, 05:47 PM   #10 (permalink)
Learning to live again
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: New York - Catskill Mtns.
Posts: 37,641
Very happy to have you with us, Nick. You've really been through it - I'm so glad you want to change your life, and are reaching out for help. Please keep reading and posting here. We care.
__________________
You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. Fr. Greg Boyle

A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

Hevyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2012, 11:09 PM   #11 (permalink)
Re-Member
 
Itchy's Avatar
 

Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,302
Nick the good news is that you will never be normal again if by that you mean unaware that you can't handle drugs anymore. Yep you have to hang in there and make sure you have your Doc/s dialed in and in the complete know about what how much and how long.

Welcome to a great group of supporters. By your roll tide comment I guess that makes you an athletic supporter?
__________________
Sober Since 21 September 2010
"Fairy tales are more than true not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they tell us dragons can be beaten."

"If you see a worthy person, endeavor to emulate him. If you see an unworthy person, then examine your inner self."
Itchy is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Itchy For This Useful Post:
YVRguy (10-18-2012)
Old 10-19-2012, 12:02 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Vancouver BC Canada
Posts: 384
Hang in there Nick.

I too am not experienced with opiates but I think some pieces of any addiction have some common challenges. I know alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous and I think Itchy has it right to see a Dr and let them know what's going on. I have no idea if they can help ease withdrawal or not.

I think there is a PAWS with most addiction withdrawal so feeling off might last a while.

I think of normal now as a setting on a washing machine and not so much applicable to people. I prefer to look for my own balance which may not be what someone else views as balanced at all but if I am at peace , then its all good. But thats me

Best wishes
__________________
-----------------------------------------------------

The only tyrant I accept in this world is the still voice within

There is more to life than increasing its speed

Ghandi
YVRguy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2012, 06:28 AM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Quote:
Originally Posted by NickCage View Post
I guess I'll introduce myself. My name is Nick. Im 28 and been an addict for ten years. When I was 18 I stayed high all the time, did almost every drug possible. It all changed when I met my wife. I was 20 at the time. She changed my life. At the time I had warrents for probation violation for drug possession. She talked me into turning myself in. It worked out for the best. I got clean and stayed clean. I ended up with a perfect job for myself. About 2 years go by and i get aquainted with methadone. I loved it. I could get so much more work done when I took it. Thought it would never be a problem. lol. It became one. I lost my job because of it and my wife. I got to where I was spending to much on pills so I thought it would be smart to switch to herion. I got to where I was shooting it everyday just to function. I ended up going to jail for an unpaid ticket and withdrawed in there for 2 weeks. That was 2 months ago. Havent go back to h yet. I feel like Im getting better. I just dont feel like myself anymore. The physical withdrawls are gone. The psycological sucks. I occasionally will take a couple tabs or a roxi and be good for most of the day. Makes me feel normal when I take an opiate. I dont want to be like this the rest of my life. What does it take to live a normal life without opiates? I can handle the physical but these mental withdrawals are going to keep me from staying clean.
Are you attending NA meetings in your area?

You asked if you would ever be normal again... do you ever remember being "normal" ?? I didn't know what normal was or felt like.

I wish you the best.

Bob R
2granddaughters is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to 2granddaughters For This Useful Post:
MIRecovery (10-19-2012)
Old 10-19-2012, 06:48 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NYC/NJ
Posts: 431
Hi Nick,

Recovery from opiates is no joke. It is extremely hard and it lasts a while. Changes to the brain takes time to correct. This is why it's so important that you know what it is you're going through and how to take care of yourself.

Check out the attached which explains all about PAWS.

PAWS Digital Dharma

It is also a very good idea to get checked out for any other underlying mental health issues like depression/anxiety as well, but be aware that your doctor might want to wait til your sober for some time so he knows its not related to withdrawal. Sometimes medications like antidepressants can be the difference in someone staying sober and functional, or going back to using, so I'd look into that as there is a high correlation between opiate addiction and mental health issues.

Best of luck
Stride34 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2012, 06:53 AM   #15 (permalink)
A Day at a Time
 
MIRecovery's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,436
AA/NA is a design for living. A way to rebuild a shattered life and by the way they teach you how not to drink or drug and be happier than you have ever been.

Like 2granddaughters said, I had no idea what normal was and this is an area I am still working on
__________________
I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself


Came back to life 7.24.2009
MIRecovery is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2012, 08:51 AM   #16 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 29
Welcome Nick and I wish you the best! Lots of good honest support here.
Choppersled is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2012, 09:00 AM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: May 2012
Location: Tuscaloosa, al
Posts: 23
Thanks everyone for your support. Right now the only support I have is this site. I lost my drivers license when I went to jail so I cant drive. I know I need to go back to my dr, but I dont have insurance anymore. I've always had depression/anxiety issues even before I used. All I can do is just try to deal with it with no meds, besides otc sleep aids which work rarely.
NickCage is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2012, 09:58 AM   #18 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,700
I really wanted to go back to the life I had before I was an addict. But in the end my life is better than it was then. Back then, "normal" was so intolerable that using seemed the better alternative--so it could not have been that good.

So going back to normal was not a great goal for me. But weirdly enough my life has improved so much that I am almost grateful for the detour into addiction which led me to recovery which eventually led me to where I am now. But it was not easy and took time. I think if you stick it out and go through the present pain, when you get to the other side it will have been worth it.
miamifella is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2012, 11:11 AM   #19 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Quote:
Originally Posted by NickCage View Post
Thanks everyone for your support. Right now the only support I have is this site. I lost my drivers license when I went to jail so I cant drive. I know I need to go back to my dr, but I dont have insurance anymore. I've always had depression/anxiety issues even before I used. All I can do is just try to deal with it with no meds, besides otc sleep aids which work rarely.
Did you not get where AA/NA were discussed? Call the number in your phone book and talk to the folks in your area who are in recovery. I'm sure they would send someone by to pick you up for meetings until you are back on your feet.

Sitting home is a recipe for disaster.

All the best.

Bob R
2granddaughters is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-2012, 12:40 PM   #20 (permalink)
Member
 
MalkavianEmily's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
I have a little experience with opiates, although for me, it was mostly alcohol. As people have said, what do you mean by 'normal'?
I'm not sure what it means, but I know that what I want, and what the AV tells me I want, are perhaps not the same thing. Sometimes they are, but the problem with codeine is it takes ages long to prepare, and I don't live on my own anymore. Why codeine? Because it's available...
I think, if I'm honest, what I want is for the AV to STFU, and I'm not too bothered how I'd do it at times.
For me, it's been 15 days since my last slip. And I'm hanging in there. But sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. I know that at 28 days, it was worse than it had been the week or so before.
So how long before the AV is quiet? I don't know.
MalkavianEmily is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:57 PM.