Will I ever be normal again?
 

I guess I'll introduce myself. My name is Nick. Im 28 and been an addict for ten years. When I was 18 I stayed high all the time, did almost every drug possible. It all changed when I met my wife. I was 20 at the time. She changed my life. At the time I had warrents for probation violation for drug possession. She talked me into turning myself in. It worked out for the best. I got clean and stayed clean. I ended up with a perfect job for myself. About 2 years go by and i get aquainted with methadone. I loved it. I could get so much more work done when I took it. Thought it would never be a problem. lol. It became one. I lost my job because of it and my wife. I got to where I was spending to much on pills so I thought it would be smart to switch to herion. I got to where I was shooting it everyday just to function. I ended up going to jail for an unpaid ticket and withdrawed in there for 2 weeks. That was 2 months ago. Havent go back to h yet. I feel like Im getting better. I just dont feel like myself anymore. The physical withdrawls are gone. The psycological sucks. I occasionally will take a couple tabs or a roxi and be good for most of the day. Makes me feel normal when I take an opiate. I dont want to be like this the rest of my life. What does it take to live a normal life without opiates? I can handle the physical but these mental withdrawals are going to keep me from staying clean.

Opiates, I don't know about. But I'm alchool sober since October 02. I feel similar then you sometimes. But I did this for 20 years, most of my adult life. I am giving it time, lot's of time to get to know myself again, to find sober friends, sober hobbies, to deal with life's problems sober. I have to re-learn how to live.

Maybe you also?

Hi Nick - welcome :)

I don't know much about opiates either but I was addicted to booze and other stuff for 20 years - it took a little longer than 2 months for me to feel normal, and a little longer than that to trust that feeling, if you get me?

I think taking things to feel good is only impeding your progress tho.

As long as I looked for something to make me feel good I was still thinking like I used
to, and going back to full on bad ways...only a step away from the edge of the cliff, y'know?

It is possible to feel good without anything - there's hundreds of stories here that are proof of that - you just have to have a little faith and a little patience.

Are you using any other support besides SR? I think supports important for those tough times when a little something starts to sound good.

You'll find a lot of support here anyway. Do check out our substance abuse forum as well:

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

Yea, I know better than to take anything. I just hate this feeling. Tomorrow morning will be day 2 of nothing. Wish me luck. Thanks

i had to remind myself that "normal" is relative. my normal for a long time was drinking around the clock and laying in my bed for up to 20 hours a day. i don't know what normal is for other people. i'm an alcoholic so that's all i have experience with. it took me a couple of weeks until my physical symptoms really eased up and a month before my brain was fairly straight. by my third month i really felt like my head was screwed on the right way round again. since then, i can't say a month goes by that i don't feel some kind of progress. good luck on the rest of your day one and all your days to follow. keep checking in here!

(i'm originally from Alabama...i know we're horrible this year but War Eagle!)

I have little experience with opiates but I was addicted to cocaine for a long period of time. With that my mind kinda turned into mush. What I have found is that after a two year period of occasional sober time and a spell of 5 months now is that my mind is very slowly but surely turning me into a completely different person. I don't see the haze anymore. It's all crystal clear. It happens when you first stop using and it just keeps happening if you let it.

Hope you are doing well.

I don't know anything about opiates either but wanted to welcome you to the family.:grouphug:

Thanks for all the replies. My mind is a fog right now. I know it can only get better with time though. And DisplacedGRITS, I just had to say Roll Tide. lol

Very happy to have you with us, Nick. You've really been through it - I'm so glad you want to change your life, and are reaching out for help. Please keep reading and posting here. We care.

Nick the good news is that you will never be normal again if by that you mean unaware that you can't handle drugs anymore. Yep you have to hang in there and make sure you have your Doc/s dialed in and in the complete know about what how much and how long.

Welcome to a great group of supporters. By your roll tide comment I guess that makes you an athletic supporter?
:c033:

Hang in there Nick.

I too am not experienced with opiates but I think some pieces of any addiction have some common challenges. I know alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous and I think Itchy has it right to see a Dr and let them know what's going on. I have no idea if they can help ease withdrawal or not.

I think there is a PAWS with most addiction withdrawal so feeling off might last a while.

I think of normal now as a setting on a washing machine and not so much applicable to people. I prefer to look for my own balance which may not be what someone else views as balanced at all but if I am at peace , then its all good. But thats me

Best wishes

Are you attending NA meetings in your area?

You asked if you would ever be normal again... do you ever remember being "normal" ?? I didn't know what normal was or felt like.

I wish you the best.

Bob R

Hi Nick,

Recovery from opiates is no joke. It is extremely hard and it lasts a while. Changes to the brain takes time to correct. This is why it's so important that you know what it is you're going through and how to take care of yourself.

Check out the attached which explains all about PAWS.

PAWS « Digital Dharma

It is also a very good idea to get checked out for any other underlying mental health issues like depression/anxiety as well, but be aware that your doctor might want to wait til your sober for some time so he knows its not related to withdrawal. Sometimes medications like antidepressants can be the difference in someone staying sober and functional, or going back to using, so I'd look into that as there is a high correlation between opiate addiction and mental health issues.

Best of luck

AA/NA is a design for living. A way to rebuild a shattered life and by the way they teach you how not to drink or drug and be happier than you have ever been.

Like 2granddaughters said, I had no idea what normal was and this is an area I am still working on

Welcome Nick and I wish you the best! Lots of good honest support here.

Thanks everyone for your support. Right now the only support I have is this site. I lost my drivers license when I went to jail so I cant drive. I know I need to go back to my dr, but I dont have insurance anymore. I've always had depression/anxiety issues even before I used. All I can do is just try to deal with it with no meds, besides otc sleep aids which work rarely.

I really wanted to go back to the life I had before I was an addict. But in the end my life is better than it was then. Back then, "normal" was so intolerable that using seemed the better alternative--so it could not have been that good.

So going back to normal was not a great goal for me. But weirdly enough my life has improved so much that I am almost grateful for the detour into addiction which led me to recovery which eventually led me to where I am now. But it was not easy and took time. I think if you stick it out and go through the present pain, when you get to the other side it will have been worth it.

Did you not get where AA/NA were discussed? Call the number in your phone book and talk to the folks in your area who are in recovery. I'm sure they would send someone by to pick you up for meetings until you are back on your feet.

Sitting home is a recipe for disaster.

All the best.

Bob R

I have a little experience with opiates, although for me, it was mostly alcohol. As people have said, what do you mean by 'normal'?
I'm not sure what it means, but I know that what I want, and what the AV tells me I want, are perhaps not the same thing. Sometimes they are, but the problem with codeine is it takes ages long to prepare, and I don't live on my own anymore. Why codeine? Because it's available...
I think, if I'm honest, what I want is for the AV to STFU, and I'm not too bothered how I'd do it at times.
For me, it's been 15 days since my last slip. And I'm hanging in there. But sometimes I wonder if it's worth it. I know that at 28 days, it was worse than it had been the week or so before.
So how long before the AV is quiet? I don't know.