No clear direction
 

OK, I just had my 37th Birthday, I am a married mom of 2 teenage sons, a teenage step daughter and beautiful 4 year old. I am almost finished with nursing school where I graduate with my RN. (2nd career for me! 1st was a social worker, and I know I should completely know better.) I have an alcoholic mother, father & step father, all 3 were also meth addicts. I am the oldest child and the only girl and lead my brothers through a very tumultous childhood to say the least. IN my younger days I was very anti-alcohol, anti drugs, etc. I didn't start drinking regularly until about 8 years ago. I drink beer, 4-7 at least every other day, and sometimes more on weekends. I rarely drink hard alcohol (I get sick.) I started drinking beer, because my new husband is a beer drinker, and unwinds from work that way, and I started drinking with him to "stay connected." I stopped cold turkey when I found out I was pregnant with my 4 year old, and slowly started again after she was born. I have said I was going to quit several times, and usually make it a month or so and give in mostly due to drinking socially with friends, or whoever. I am currently in nursing school, and it is by far the most difficult and stressful thing I have EVER done. The pressure and stress is unbelievable, and hard to deal with. During times of school my drinking is actually more than when I am on break between semesters. My heart has been tugging at me because I know my family history, and the history I have created makes me a predisposed addict, but my education has taught me everything I need to know how bad that is. I feel my alcohol addiction is getting worse because now I am thinking about having a beer at noon, or even craving one at bizarre times (I have not given in to these temptations.) I have a little more than 6 months of school left before I graduate with my RN, so I am definately on the home stretch, but I am battling if now is really the time to quit. I have been 2 days w/o a beer today, and I am feeling super disgusted at myself because I want one so bad, and I have a headache and nausea. I had to have surgery last year (cancer scare) and my doctor has me on Xanax twice daily as needed. I don't take them everyday, but those days are also increasing. I HAVE TO MAKE IT THROUGH SCHOOL, so if this is the start of withdrawl I cannot do this right now. But I do not want to be an addict. They joke in Nursing school, that you earn your degree, and then they send you to rehab ... I don't really know what I am doing here on this forum, or what I am even asking. But putting it out there makes me feel better. Thanks!

My drinking increased in Nursing school as well!!!! I have been a RN for 5 years and am just now ready to give it up for good, stick with it, don't give in, distract yourself, I have been where you are! I worked full time and had a housefull of kids during school, I needed a glass of wine just to study, then it snowballed, it was the stress of everything that caused me to pick up more drinking! Log in here every chance you get!

Hi and welcome HopefulRN :)
You'll find a lot of nurses here :)

I've never been to nursing school but I've been in other kinds of schools and yeah the pressure is intense. You'll do much better without alcohol.

Congrats on your two days - you'll find a lot of support and ideas here to keep the sobriety going :)

D

Alchoholism is a cronic, progressive, fatal disease as you well know. I will not comment on if you are an alcoholic or not. Only you can determine that.

From the symptoms you have described I would be very concerned because you have a long term history of heavy drinking, the drinking is getting progressively more, you have a family history, and you are having a hard time stopping, and having withdrawl symptoms. Not good signs, not good signs at all.

You are almost a nurse what is the patients diagnosis?

How are the liver enzymes?

There is never a good time to stop drinking, to detox and to face your demons. And, as others have said, things will get worse because alcoholism is a progressive disease. I hope you stick with sobriety.

Yes, I know it is progressive which is why I have been growing increasingly concerned. My health check ups have been fine. I have to get a check up with complete blood counts every 6 months for school, and everything so far is fine.

Yes I have a friend that works at an attorneys office that handles several DUI cases and she called me surprised at how many nurses are in there because of DUI. I was initially surprised, but after much thought I decided that it wasnt all that surprising, especially after talking with several classmates. I know several career programs are difficult, but nursing school ... definately not for the weak!

Welcome to SR.:hug: There's a lot of support here. I hope you can stay sober cause a sober life is so worth it.:)

Nursing in general is a hard job...especially if you are involved with patient care...id like to tell you its better when you graduate....but its harder on a different level ....

I am not a nurse, I am a principal, but your story sounds very similar to mine! Glad to have this group.