Weasel1966

I was told in April this year by my doctor that my liver was on a fence. If I stop drinking it will heal. Maybe not fully but it will start. If I don't he is certain that the fatty liver will continue to deteriorate. my levels and iron and blah blah blah are not blah blah blah.

That's what I started to hear. Blah blah blah. Like a kid with his fingures in his ears going LA LA LA LA LA I can't hear you!

I joined this site after a desperate web search. I said to my partner I need your help to stay sober. And I made an earnest attempt.

Ha! Really?

I have struggled publicly on SR, and in front of the people at the bar I go to for six long months.

The constant disappointment, shame and guilt of failures large and small.

I was lucky that in any given month I was sober for a total of 10 - 15 days on average. Not exactly a stellar showing.

The liver? Well it was checked in August. Not a lot changed. I did nothing to help myself.

I hardly knew I failed. Over the six months I thought "yeah man, Ken's doing this. I have got this under control!"

But when I looked back over the posts on SR and saw people here that were REALLY doing it I realized, sadly, I was not.

I am a competitor. No one tells ken he cannot do something. Not even me.

So October 1st I changed it all up. I put being sober, really, as number 1 in my life. Above my partner for the first time. I joined AA because, while I bashed it at first, I find I need to be with people. More over I needed a place to go. An action that requires me to acknowledge what I need to do. A plan of actions to execute.

How do I know I put this first? Even above my relationship? Because I leave him sitting on the couch every evening. Even when he clearly wishes I was home with him. And I have no guilt. This is for me. Go get your own sobriety. This ones mine.

So while I did have two very minor slips this month it is the 18th! And I have only a few hours of drunk time and a whole lot of sober time!

I am doing well physically, and when it comes to emotionally..... Lol.... The jury is out on that one.

The combination of SR and AA and my own determination appears to be the golden ticket for me.

I am establishing new routines. The desire to go to the bar after work has been replaced with who will I see at the meeting? What will I say?

Weekends are still my tough spot but I will get them tamed.

Thanks SR! All my friends here! Just thought I would share my progress.



K

mecanix

Good to be part of the journey,
stay strong .

Bestwishes, M

Saliena

Hi Ken,

Nice to see more family on here. And, yes it is sometimes hard to leave them alone in the beginning but as you heal both spiritually and emotionally they will find a better you emerge... and welcome the changes! I am glad you are doing what you are doing. I follow alot of your posts.

Sapling

Good stuff!

lilgolden73

Glad too see you are making positive changes!!!

MIRecovery

It sounds like you are doing this for you and are willing to do whatever is necessary to stay sober. This very cool and is the start of your recovery. Any fool can stay sober for a day and there are millions who have put those days together to form years.

The single biggest piece of advise I can give about AA is do what the people with long term sobriety do. Ask the people with 10+ years how they stay sober. You will find they all do more or less the same things. Just make sure you start doing what they do.

Congrats on your decision to end your nightmare

trikuza

im happy for you. keep it up!!

Weasel1966

Thanks everyone! You all are so much a part of this for me. But with the extra support from AA things are much much stronger than me and SR alone.

Thank you!

Ken

soberjim

Hey Ken...great post...thank you. Bright spot in my afternoon.

Jim

JohnnyOneDay

Keep it up Ken/Weasel!!! Great job!! You gotta keep putting your sobriety first!

Combination of SR and AA works for me also!! 79 days here!

-----
Johnny
Sobriety date Aug. 1, 2012

Choppersled

Good to hear Ken!

Zee

That's great Weasie xxx

FreeFall

Ken, I've noticed that each time you slip, not only do you bounce right back, but you add something to your plan to strengthen it. That's bound to be a recipe for success.

It's got to be hard leaving your partner home alone each night to accomplish your goals. I guess you have to look at it that you are doing this for both of you, not just you. You're giving him a more present and aware, healthier partner who will take and give more joy in life because you're sober. What better gift is that? I hope he returns the favor

Mizzuno

I didn't have time to respond this morning after I read your post.....

Ken, I think that this is a process. You are learning more and more everyday. It's all about progress and perseverance...imo. your finding what works and your running with it.. good job Ken. We are here for you.

Weasel1966

FF... He has not returned the favor. It has been to this point if I stay sober he does. If I weaken he drinks. That's not good. So I stopped looking to him for anything related to being sober. That's why I look here, my sponsor, and my meetings to do that for me. If and when he comes around he needs to do his own work. Maybe in a few months when he has to face things himself he will see what needs to be done. I will be there to encourage but not much else.

Thanks again everyone. Another sober evening after a very long and stressful workday....

And I don't want to drink! Well I want to but I don't do that any more. So I went for ice cream again!

K

Dee74

Glad you're feeling good in yourself Ken

and yes, we need to run our own race...you've made your decision, your partner will need to decide if he wants to run his own marathon or not

D