BlueSkiesAgain

My 21yo has been sober for 3 weeks. This week seems to have been the worse as far as urges. But he started trying to go out with his old friends and although he was able to stay sober he really struggled. He hasn't acted on the urges and called his sponsor and went to extra AA meetings but I can tell he is struggling. I'm allowing him to work his recovery on his own but would like to know what some of you went through around this time.

He seems a little more edgy and grumpy. He is a college student and has been busy this week and I do know that he isn't eating a lot because he only wants fast food and I'm not giving him money. There is plenty of food for him to eat but part of my boundaries is that I give him no cash.

I know in the first week when he was having really bad urges you all gave great suggestions including having sweets around for when he has the urge and that really helped so I'm hoping someone may be able to explain what is happening or how your felt around your 3rd week sober.

serious

3 weeks is a relatively short period of time.

the bad thing is that at 21 the body yet recovers quickly and even after 3 weeks one can forget the reason why he had quit in the first place. you can also imagine some of the pressures experienced during that time, and in college.

grumpiness and urges are quite normal, what's important is not to act out on them.

based on what you've said everything seems to be on the right path, and a few bumps are to be expected.

i'm sure that your main concern is that he might start up again. unfortunately, he is the only person that can make the right choice. it's a rather delicate balance of how much control you wish to exercise in exchange for keeping him sober. unfortunately it's very easy to tip the scale in the wrong direction (although you might have the best intentions).

i'd say if you got 3 weeks so far, that's a great victory. that's a lot to be proud of. and 21 is still very young. there are lot of successes and victories ahead. wish somebody made more clear to me at that age, what this drinking thing is really all about.

Natom

Yeah at 3 weeks I felt pretty bad. Had no idea what was going on. I had a sudden rush of emotions and feelings that had been kept suppressed for so long. I felt like I needed to just do something, just keep myself busy. I was working a lot and I just felt run down all the time. It's important to recognise things like this with HALT. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. If you feel all of them it's pretty bad. It did get better though. The first month is pretty painful all in all.

Dee74

Hi BlueSkiesAgain

I don't know about anyone else but the first 30 days were pretty rough for me.
I was irritable, a little lost, and truth be told, scared.

Honestly, going out with my old mates and only eating junk food would not have been my way to go...my old life would only frustrate me...but this is his journey...he is committing himself to AA and the 12 step programme, he isn't acting on his urges and drinking...that's all anyone can ask I think

you're right tho - you can't run your sons recovery or his life for him and I think it's great you have strong boundaries in place

I hope he'll find as I did it gets a little better in the 30-60 day mark

D

quitforme79

I just hit 1 month and it hasn't been easy. It's tough early in because we are dealing with so many emotions that we used to numb. Sounds like you are doing great with keeping the boundaries so kudos I understand that it may be harder for someone his age (and in college) to quit because let's face it, drinking and drugs are quite accepted during those years. I haven't been able to socialize with anyone just yet who is drinking, that would definitely make it harder. Hopefully he can find some "sober friends" in AA and find fun things to do with them so he doesn't feel like he is constantly fighting the urge.

BlueSkiesAgain

Thanks for all the responses. I know it is early in his recovery. The reason I asked here is because I don't want to be seen as nagging, "what is wrong with you, are you grumpy, are you ok?" I guess it helps me to understand what he is feeling even if he doesn't want to express it to me. I make a point to allow him to bring up any conversations related to alcohol and his recovery.

He has moved out but still comes by each day. He talks a lot these days but sometimes he doesn't talk about the things I want to know. One thing that seems to help him is to send me texts including in the middle of the night if he is having urges. He knows I won't get the message until the next morning but he knows that the next morning he will talk about it with me.

Fortunately for him he found a great AA group that he really likes. I think there are only men in there and he is really comfortable with them.

Dan Dare

I have a tough time when I think of all the years I have been drinking compared to the last 20 days I haven't.
It's pretty ludicrous.
It's amazing what the body can take.
It almost devalues it all.
"Wow, big man, 20 whole days without alcohol!!
You're my hero..."

*sigh*

trikuza

yeah im a college student and the most difficult thing, is that college kids all drink like alcoholics and everyone overdoes it. Sometimes its not the urges that makes you drink, its the peer pressure and wanting to have a good time with your pals. This made it difficult for me to quit.

ErraticEuphoria

As someone up top stated. 3 Weeks really isn't that long of a time. He will continue to be hit or miss for a little while. It'll all depends on how much and long he's been using, and what kind of program he's working for himself. I'm not sure how bad his friends are but I know when I was in college I drank like a fish even though I didn't necessarily care to drink. You know the old saying about "OLD FRIENDS". They're going to get you high, before you get them sober. Maybe the peer pressure on that end is having him fiend A little bit more.
Another thing, every time I came off of opiates the 3-5th week were my hardest as far as urges because my body started to feel great but my mind started working again, and it kept telling me the wrong things to do. Keep supporting your son, he sounds like he's doing a great job so far. Sweets worked for me, and still do actually. I wish him and you the best !!