I'm Back
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 71
I'm Back
So I went sober a few months ago and made it a few months with little to no problems. Then there were the weddings. And the bachelorette parties. And I didn't quite hold up my end of the bargain.
I haven't been drinking all the time or anything, maybe once every month or once every three weeks. But every time I do, it's pretty bad. Mostly I think that is because I feel guilty and like I have already ruined something, so I just have been going way to excess. I also have a bad habit of drinking on an empty stomach and I have plenty of friends for whom binge drinking is the only way they know how to drink. That is just an excuse, though.
Anyway, this past weekend I managed to make a bit of an ass of myself at a local bar, made some unneccessary late night phone calls and basically felt like a total mess the next day. I am still pretty embarassed and upset with myself.
I guess, does anyone have any advice for keeping my chin up during this time? I am feeling pretty bad about my actions and ready to make a big effort into the not drinking thing, but I am very against the idea of AA. I know people will argue with me about it, and it might be something I may consider attending when I move, but for now I live in my hometown where I know a lot of people that go to AA and I know that they do not take the anonymous thing as seriously as I would like. So, that just isn't happening because I really don't want my business spread all over town at the moment and hopefully everyone can respect that.
Feeling very mixed emotions at the moment and trying to keep busy and make lots of to do lists on keeping life in order and not getting too depressed over the whole situation.
Thanks.
I haven't been drinking all the time or anything, maybe once every month or once every three weeks. But every time I do, it's pretty bad. Mostly I think that is because I feel guilty and like I have already ruined something, so I just have been going way to excess. I also have a bad habit of drinking on an empty stomach and I have plenty of friends for whom binge drinking is the only way they know how to drink. That is just an excuse, though.
Anyway, this past weekend I managed to make a bit of an ass of myself at a local bar, made some unneccessary late night phone calls and basically felt like a total mess the next day. I am still pretty embarassed and upset with myself.
I guess, does anyone have any advice for keeping my chin up during this time? I am feeling pretty bad about my actions and ready to make a big effort into the not drinking thing, but I am very against the idea of AA. I know people will argue with me about it, and it might be something I may consider attending when I move, but for now I live in my hometown where I know a lot of people that go to AA and I know that they do not take the anonymous thing as seriously as I would like. So, that just isn't happening because I really don't want my business spread all over town at the moment and hopefully everyone can respect that.
Feeling very mixed emotions at the moment and trying to keep busy and make lots of to do lists on keeping life in order and not getting too depressed over the whole situation.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
Well, what happened is in the past. What counts is what you do from this time forward. Try to relax. Take a deep breath.
I love that saying "Don't judge me by my past: I don't live there anymore".
Make today and each day forward count. The more time passes, the less anxiety you will feel about what you did that night.
How about individual or group therapy for addiction? Those options are confidential.
I love that saying "Don't judge me by my past: I don't live there anymore".
Make today and each day forward count. The more time passes, the less anxiety you will feel about what you did that night.
How about individual or group therapy for addiction? Those options are confidential.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Clinton, MT
Posts: 255
Wow.
I mean this with respect and in a helpful way so please don't take offense.
It sounds like you would like to be sober...maybe even recognize that you need to do something but....
You want to do it on your own terms. If your own "best thinking" got you to where you are, do you really expect it to get you out?
With respect (again) if you can do it on your own terms, you don't need a recovery community. Just quit.
If not, you may want to consider doing what works for others and drop the "I'm different" self-delusion.
All the best.
I mean this with respect and in a helpful way so please don't take offense.
It sounds like you would like to be sober...maybe even recognize that you need to do something but....
You want to do it on your own terms. If your own "best thinking" got you to where you are, do you really expect it to get you out?
With respect (again) if you can do it on your own terms, you don't need a recovery community. Just quit.
If not, you may want to consider doing what works for others and drop the "I'm different" self-delusion.
All the best.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Santa Monica, CA
Posts: 168
speaking of weddings, i pissed off a bunch of husbands by dancing with their middle aged wives (im 24) then my parents realized i was blacked out and they got me out of the ballroom. Then I ripped my brand new suit off and threw it in some bushes. Got home, and got in two fist fights with my brother in front of my parents.
Deal with the shame sucks, but I feel a lot better knowing that I am gradually becoming a more respectable man every day. And they will notice.
Deal with the shame sucks, but I feel a lot better knowing that I am gradually becoming a more respectable man every day. And they will notice.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 71
Bruce, thanks for calling me self-deluded for looking for an AA alternative. Just because you say something "with respect" doesn't mean it is actually respectful.
To Trikuza and Elisabeth, thank you. I may try and look into some other type of counseling. I know they do some stuff through my college, so I was going to look into that. Before when I was a few months sober I was on here pretty much every day, but kind of stopped. I definitely want to make an effort to pop on here at least once a day as a reminder to myself of why I am doing what I am doing.
To Trikuza and Elisabeth, thank you. I may try and look into some other type of counseling. I know they do some stuff through my college, so I was going to look into that. Before when I was a few months sober I was on here pretty much every day, but kind of stopped. I definitely want to make an effort to pop on here at least once a day as a reminder to myself of why I am doing what I am doing.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by WritingHelps 
So, that just isn't happening because I really don't want my business spread all over town at the moment and hopefully everyone can respect that.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,508
There are many options to recovery other than AA. Many of us succeed at recovery without using AA and you can too, if you choose to make it work.
As far as keeping your chin up and dealing with your embarassment, the only thing that worked for me was focusing on changing and living a sober life. You can't undo what's done, but you can hold your head high today and begin your recovery.
As far as keeping your chin up and dealing with your embarassment, the only thing that worked for me was focusing on changing and living a sober life. You can't undo what's done, but you can hold your head high today and begin your recovery.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
WritingHelps, good for you on your decision to get sober, and welcome to SR. There are indeed alternatives to AA and other 12 Step programs. Some have meetings, online or in person, and others don't have any at all.
There is nothing wrong with your thinking, maybe you need some skills and tools to help you with your commitment. The fact that you are committed to sobriety seems to say that your thinking is just fine. And you can indeed 'just quit', in fact most people who quit drinking do exactly that.
Take a look at SR's Secular Connections forum. You may find what you are looking for there.
There is nothing wrong with your thinking, maybe you need some skills and tools to help you with your commitment. The fact that you are committed to sobriety seems to say that your thinking is just fine. And you can indeed 'just quit', in fact most people who quit drinking do exactly that.
Take a look at SR's Secular Connections forum. You may find what you are looking for there.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
You said about counseling;
" . . . it might be something I may consider attending when I move"
So counseling is also not an option until you move? When are you planning to move? That would resolve your issue with guilt and AA too, because you would not be around whoever you made a bit of an ass of yourself with. Again your words.
You have done this according to you more than once. You are worried about people finding out via a counselor or AA? That is a common rationale used by a lot of us. Once sober we find everyone knew anyway. I'd rather they knew I was having issues and doing something about it. But AA is not for everybody.
I used counseling face to face, AA for three months, here on SR, and in hospital detox because I drank all day every day, and then a lot of support from my mostly non-drinking family and friends. Since you are going to put off doing anything new until you move I do hope you move soon.
As one of many who tried, I can say that no matter where I ran to, or how far, I always brought myself with me.
If you want to find ways to not have this happen again because you are committed to your own recovery, then you came to the right place. Lots of people have made it with only SR. Others like me need some local help both for accountability and for validation to do it once and for all.
Welcome.
" . . . it might be something I may consider attending when I move"
So counseling is also not an option until you move? When are you planning to move? That would resolve your issue with guilt and AA too, because you would not be around whoever you made a bit of an ass of yourself with. Again your words.
You have done this according to you more than once. You are worried about people finding out via a counselor or AA? That is a common rationale used by a lot of us. Once sober we find everyone knew anyway. I'd rather they knew I was having issues and doing something about it. But AA is not for everybody.
I used counseling face to face, AA for three months, here on SR, and in hospital detox because I drank all day every day, and then a lot of support from my mostly non-drinking family and friends. Since you are going to put off doing anything new until you move I do hope you move soon.
As one of many who tried, I can say that no matter where I ran to, or how far, I always brought myself with me.
If you want to find ways to not have this happen again because you are committed to your own recovery, then you came to the right place. Lots of people have made it with only SR. Others like me need some local help both for accountability and for validation to do it once and for all.
Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North. Where it snows.
Posts: 702
I was just thinking about AA. I went and totally disliked the God thing but loved the love that I was shown. I think next time I go, I will agree to have a sponsor.
You're so right Itchy (oh BTW, last year, when quitting, I had a huge itching session - it's by searching on the internet that I found you itching and alcohol
)
Anyways, about AA. the book Under the influence really commends them but says that they don't portray alcoholism as a disease enough as if it is our flaws. And ever since, I finally reconciled with the idea of a disease, it has been easier for me to come to terms with stopping forever. So I fear that AA won't talk about it as if it is a disease enough. I guess I can always bring that subject up, if I ever get the nerves to talk. THe last time I went to my one of only 2 meetings, it was in 2009. It's time I go back.
Day 5 for me.
Have a good evening and good luck. I also think it might be a good thing to move if it helps you get the things you seem to want writinghelps.
You're so right Itchy (oh BTW, last year, when quitting, I had a huge itching session - it's by searching on the internet that I found you itching and alcohol
) Anyways, about AA. the book Under the influence really commends them but says that they don't portray alcoholism as a disease enough as if it is our flaws. And ever since, I finally reconciled with the idea of a disease, it has been easier for me to come to terms with stopping forever. So I fear that AA won't talk about it as if it is a disease enough. I guess I can always bring that subject up, if I ever get the nerves to talk. THe last time I went to my one of only 2 meetings, it was in 2009. It's time I go back.
Day 5 for me.
Have a good evening and good luck. I also think it might be a good thing to move if it helps you get the things you seem to want writinghelps.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Hi Writing,
I don't use AA and have been sober a fair bit now. Like other's have said, there are many ways to sobriety. But they all share at least one thing in common and that is you making the decision to not drink anymore. And if it is causing you problems in life, you should probably just stop and get on with life.
I understand what you say about AA in your town, how about online meetings? SMART has them. The chat room here is useful if you need to talk to someone in real time.
Best,
ru
I don't use AA and have been sober a fair bit now. Like other's have said, there are many ways to sobriety. But they all share at least one thing in common and that is you making the decision to not drink anymore. And if it is causing you problems in life, you should probably just stop and get on with life.
I understand what you say about AA in your town, how about online meetings? SMART has them. The chat room here is useful if you need to talk to someone in real time.
Best,
ru
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hey WH
Find whatever support you need to stay sober.
If AA is not for you, then it's up to you to find what is - it might be SMART, it might be Rational Recovery, or LifeRing, or SOS...it might be counselling, it might be prayer, mediation, service work, exercise, wrapping yourself in chains, or standing on your head in a field.
Find what works for you - don't get caught up and distracted in what doesn't.
If you find things aren't working, try something else....and my advice?
don't put it off.
Your new life could start today.
It really is that simple
D
Find whatever support you need to stay sober.
If AA is not for you, then it's up to you to find what is - it might be SMART, it might be Rational Recovery, or LifeRing, or SOS...it might be counselling, it might be prayer, mediation, service work, exercise, wrapping yourself in chains, or standing on your head in a field.
Find what works for you - don't get caught up and distracted in what doesn't.
If you find things aren't working, try something else....and my advice?
don't put it off.
Your new life could start today.
It really is that simple
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Writing!
We've all had our share of regrets, that's for sure.... I felt pretty bad about myself, and totally alone, when I first got here. It's a relief not to be living that life anymore.
Good deal.... that's what I do, too and it's been working for me for 2+ years now. Glad you're here!
We've all had our share of regrets, that's for sure.... I felt pretty bad about myself, and totally alone, when I first got here. It's a relief not to be living that life anymore.
I definitely want to make an effort to pop on here at least once a day as a reminder to myself of why I am doing what I am doing.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Quebec
Posts: 72
Welcome Writhing!!
AA or no AA, it is your choice and I understand you. I went to AA, and although I am not in the God thing, but more into the "way you percive it" thing, the love and honesty there pushed effortlessy my spirituality fowards.
Read many good replys in the posts up here. SR is,great, just writng once a day is like a ritual.
Been sober for not long, still have the hunger call, but resist, and it gets easier everytime.
Look towards your,future, as was said, not the past. We learn from our mistakes.
Wolfram
AA or no AA, it is your choice and I understand you. I went to AA, and although I am not in the God thing, but more into the "way you percive it" thing, the love and honesty there pushed effortlessy my spirituality fowards.
Read many good replys in the posts up here. SR is,great, just writng once a day is like a ritual.
Been sober for not long, still have the hunger call, but resist, and it gets easier everytime.
Look towards your,future, as was said, not the past. We learn from our mistakes.
Wolfram
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Many of us were at the point in our drinking careers that you are at now. We drank, not very often, but when we did we were out of control. As you put it, it got “pretty bad”. Yup for many of us it was pretty bad … and it had to get even worse. Some of us saw friends seriously injured, and worse. What may seem like harsh words often comes from those who have lost the most, while they engage in their best attempt to prevent it from happening to someone else. It’s sort of a ‘been there done that’ reaction….with 20/20 hindsight.
I completely understand what you are saying about AA in your home town. Lots of other methods are available.
If you cannot control how much you drink once you have that first one, you risk the safety of yourself and others. There’s a lot at stake. Stay safe.
I completely understand what you are saying about AA in your home town. Lots of other methods are available.
If you cannot control how much you drink once you have that first one, you risk the safety of yourself and others. There’s a lot at stake. Stay safe.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Welcome Writing,
This site definitely helps. I was very against AA too, mostly out of shame and embarrassment. I have tried two meeti ts so far and listening to others dealing with similar stories helped. I chose a closed women's group. I am also attending four group sessions through my insurance and meeting one on one with a counselor.
This is the end of day 6 for me. Keep writing here, it helps.
This site definitely helps. I was very against AA too, mostly out of shame and embarrassment. I have tried two meeti ts so far and listening to others dealing with similar stories helped. I chose a closed women's group. I am also attending four group sessions through my insurance and meeting one on one with a counselor.
This is the end of day 6 for me. Keep writing here, it helps.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Let me know what you learn about SMART. I bought the Rational Recovery book, which is the AVRT method, haven't started it yet. I also have the big book from AA. A lot of my reading has been on this site, and I am about to log off and read a little of the mystery book I have just started before heading to bed.
Keep posting, I know I will, especially this weekend!
Keep posting, I know I will, especially this weekend!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
