New to this forum looking for some help & support my boyfriend is an addict
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: canada
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New to this forum looking for some help & support my boyfriend is an addict
Hi there,
This is my first time posting on this forum, but for the past few days I've been reading other posts trying to understand my situation.
My boyfriend is a drug addict. Drug of choice, I would say Opiates. We've been together a year now and at first, everything was great. I fell in love with him and have been in a way "addicted" to him ever since. When we were first together, I never suspected he had a problem. He would drink or do cocaine on occasion at a party, like many people our age. (I am 23, he is 26) I myself have never done drugs. I am a pot smoker, but I do not believe marijuana to be addicting or even really consider it to be harmful in any way. Other than that, Ive never tried any drug. I never judge others for doing drugs, and never brought it up to my boyfriend when he would occasionally do a few lines because to me that wasn't a big deal.
As our relationship progressed, he got in trouble with the law for selling cocaine. He went to jail for 2 months, and I was fully supportive & waited for him. When he got out, I wanted him to do things differently. Get a good job and not take the easy way out selling drugs to make money. That never changed, but I was too in love with him to realize I should walk away. He started getting more and more involved with selling, and he now makes a great deal of money doing it. Still, I never thought he was actually doing any of the coke. (Duh, I am an idiot for that one). Eventually, a few months ago I started realizing he was doing it. Much more often. I know he wasn't doing it for our entire relationship, because I can tell when he's high and when he isn't. And he started being high all the time. I confronted him about it when i would know he was high, which would always start a big fight. "I'm a grown ass man! You can't tell me what to do" he would say. I tried to explain to him I was not trying to argue, I was just concerned about him. I mean, doing drugs recreationally at a party or something can be overlooked to me. But sitting at home alone snorting lines is NOT normal. He would often try and lie about it, but I always knew. It was starting to effect everything. He would stay up all night OFTEN just sitting in the living room watching tv or listening to music. High. It effected our sex life, we barely have sex anymore & we used to every day, sometimes numerous times. Eventually I gave up getting on his case about the coke. I thought, it's around all the time. How is he ever gonna stop? I basically tried to pretend everything was ok in order to avoid the insane fights we would have about it. Around this time he started drinking a lot more too. He drinks at least a 6 pack of beer a day. He always is running out to get more beer when we run out. I rarely drink. A glass of wine here and there is it for me.
Then, the opiates started. I came home one night to see he left his laptop open & google was up. He had been searching "side effects of smoking fentanyl" OMG I thought. What the hell is this?? It instantly explained the strange wrapper I found a piece of a few days earlier. It said fentanyl on it, but at the time I had no idea what it was & didn't even think about it. So he had been smoking the gel from fentanyl patches. I researched for HOURS and found out this drug is REaLLY bad. I guess it's 100 times stronger than morphine & 50 times stronger than heroin. I was freaking out. ODing on this drug is so easy to do. Its basically like hes playing Russian roulette every time he does it. I confronted him about it, he said he tried it once but he didn't like it. I didn't believe him, but I didn't let him know. A week or so later, I was flipping through a magazine, and turned the page to find ANOTHER fentanyl patch wrapper & piece of tinfoil he'd obviously used to smoke it. I got upset & he said "ok I've done it twice but that's it"
Of course now I am thinking he's got a problem with this ****, as I read that it is crazy addicting. He promised me he'd never touch it again. I said ok, but inside I knew he was lying. What worries me is that while he's got this new problem going on, the whole coke use has not stopped. He still does it all the time. I might even say every day at least once. I worry that him mixing uppers, downers & alcohol regularly that he is going to kill himself. Then, a few nights ago we were going to sit down & watch a movie. I started it, and he was in the bedroom the whole time. Half way through the movie I was watching alone, I came into the room to see what he was doing. He looked very "caught" as he sat on the bed and sneakily put something into the pocket of his jeans. I instantly confronted him that I thought he was doing drugs, and asked him to show me what was in his pocket. He got very defensive and refused to show me. I gave it up and left him alone. The next day, he slept in very late (does this often) and I checked his pockets while he was sleeping. Inside, I found a manual booklet for one of his cell phones & inside was a piece of burnt tinfoil. I could see some of the gel still left on it. He was still smoking fentanyl!! I was so sad & felt very betrayed because he lied to me. I took it and threw it away. I confronted him later that night when he was frantically looking through the pile of clothes where his pants were. Claiming he was looking for socks. I told him I knew what was going on & that I was very concerned he could kill himself with such a crazy dangerous drug. He promised yet again he would stop, and claimed he only did it because one of his friends had a few patches & they're hard to come by. Which is true, but now I worry he is into opiates & becoming addicted if not already. I found constipation suppositories he'd obviously been having WDs (constipation apparently is a side effect) I have no idea the extent of his fentanyl abuse but haven't found anything else since that last time. I only know of him using it 3 times, but it's obviously happened much more.
Because our relationship has turned pretty bad from all of this, sometimes I check his phone when my intuition is telling me something is wrong. The other night he took forever coming home, and later on I snooped. It's horrible, i know. I can't trust him but I love him so I'm immensely stuck. I found texts to a girl and basically he was asking her for what he called "8z" and wanted "at least 10" she later referred to the pills as "dillies" which I have found out is Dilaudid aka hydromorphone aka yet another STRONG opiate painkiller. That was 2 nights ago. So now I know if he's not doing fentanyl he's doing painkiller pills. And the coke hasn't stopped or the drinking. He has had a history of drug abuse in his past (crack, ecstasy) but never had these problems when we were first together. He had overcome them years ago. He barely has an appetite anymore, never sleeps at normal times and we fight all the time. He's been talking to another girl lately, another drug addict girl who I know buys **** from him. He called her babe and baby & was really flirtatious. I feel like he just wants attention because he maybe feels ashamed around me for doing so many drugs & knowing it disappoints me. I'm worried sick and have NO idea how to deal with this. I want to be with him, to help him because I know he probably can't stop without help. I also know he won't stop until He wants to. Everything I say, all the warnings about how he could die, I don't think any of it matters to him. I really need some advice on what to do here. I don't want to leave him, but our relationship is diminishing by the day because of this. He says it is me and my fault because I'm always "nagging" "bitching" or on his case. Which I'm not. I've never dated an addict or had anyone close to me be addicted to drugs. Any help is very much appreciated!! Thank you
This is my first time posting on this forum, but for the past few days I've been reading other posts trying to understand my situation.
My boyfriend is a drug addict. Drug of choice, I would say Opiates. We've been together a year now and at first, everything was great. I fell in love with him and have been in a way "addicted" to him ever since. When we were first together, I never suspected he had a problem. He would drink or do cocaine on occasion at a party, like many people our age. (I am 23, he is 26) I myself have never done drugs. I am a pot smoker, but I do not believe marijuana to be addicting or even really consider it to be harmful in any way. Other than that, Ive never tried any drug. I never judge others for doing drugs, and never brought it up to my boyfriend when he would occasionally do a few lines because to me that wasn't a big deal.
As our relationship progressed, he got in trouble with the law for selling cocaine. He went to jail for 2 months, and I was fully supportive & waited for him. When he got out, I wanted him to do things differently. Get a good job and not take the easy way out selling drugs to make money. That never changed, but I was too in love with him to realize I should walk away. He started getting more and more involved with selling, and he now makes a great deal of money doing it. Still, I never thought he was actually doing any of the coke. (Duh, I am an idiot for that one). Eventually, a few months ago I started realizing he was doing it. Much more often. I know he wasn't doing it for our entire relationship, because I can tell when he's high and when he isn't. And he started being high all the time. I confronted him about it when i would know he was high, which would always start a big fight. "I'm a grown ass man! You can't tell me what to do" he would say. I tried to explain to him I was not trying to argue, I was just concerned about him. I mean, doing drugs recreationally at a party or something can be overlooked to me. But sitting at home alone snorting lines is NOT normal. He would often try and lie about it, but I always knew. It was starting to effect everything. He would stay up all night OFTEN just sitting in the living room watching tv or listening to music. High. It effected our sex life, we barely have sex anymore & we used to every day, sometimes numerous times. Eventually I gave up getting on his case about the coke. I thought, it's around all the time. How is he ever gonna stop? I basically tried to pretend everything was ok in order to avoid the insane fights we would have about it. Around this time he started drinking a lot more too. He drinks at least a 6 pack of beer a day. He always is running out to get more beer when we run out. I rarely drink. A glass of wine here and there is it for me.
Then, the opiates started. I came home one night to see he left his laptop open & google was up. He had been searching "side effects of smoking fentanyl" OMG I thought. What the hell is this?? It instantly explained the strange wrapper I found a piece of a few days earlier. It said fentanyl on it, but at the time I had no idea what it was & didn't even think about it. So he had been smoking the gel from fentanyl patches. I researched for HOURS and found out this drug is REaLLY bad. I guess it's 100 times stronger than morphine & 50 times stronger than heroin. I was freaking out. ODing on this drug is so easy to do. Its basically like hes playing Russian roulette every time he does it. I confronted him about it, he said he tried it once but he didn't like it. I didn't believe him, but I didn't let him know. A week or so later, I was flipping through a magazine, and turned the page to find ANOTHER fentanyl patch wrapper & piece of tinfoil he'd obviously used to smoke it. I got upset & he said "ok I've done it twice but that's it"
Of course now I am thinking he's got a problem with this ****, as I read that it is crazy addicting. He promised me he'd never touch it again. I said ok, but inside I knew he was lying. What worries me is that while he's got this new problem going on, the whole coke use has not stopped. He still does it all the time. I might even say every day at least once. I worry that him mixing uppers, downers & alcohol regularly that he is going to kill himself. Then, a few nights ago we were going to sit down & watch a movie. I started it, and he was in the bedroom the whole time. Half way through the movie I was watching alone, I came into the room to see what he was doing. He looked very "caught" as he sat on the bed and sneakily put something into the pocket of his jeans. I instantly confronted him that I thought he was doing drugs, and asked him to show me what was in his pocket. He got very defensive and refused to show me. I gave it up and left him alone. The next day, he slept in very late (does this often) and I checked his pockets while he was sleeping. Inside, I found a manual booklet for one of his cell phones & inside was a piece of burnt tinfoil. I could see some of the gel still left on it. He was still smoking fentanyl!! I was so sad & felt very betrayed because he lied to me. I took it and threw it away. I confronted him later that night when he was frantically looking through the pile of clothes where his pants were. Claiming he was looking for socks. I told him I knew what was going on & that I was very concerned he could kill himself with such a crazy dangerous drug. He promised yet again he would stop, and claimed he only did it because one of his friends had a few patches & they're hard to come by. Which is true, but now I worry he is into opiates & becoming addicted if not already. I found constipation suppositories he'd obviously been having WDs (constipation apparently is a side effect) I have no idea the extent of his fentanyl abuse but haven't found anything else since that last time. I only know of him using it 3 times, but it's obviously happened much more.
Because our relationship has turned pretty bad from all of this, sometimes I check his phone when my intuition is telling me something is wrong. The other night he took forever coming home, and later on I snooped. It's horrible, i know. I can't trust him but I love him so I'm immensely stuck. I found texts to a girl and basically he was asking her for what he called "8z" and wanted "at least 10" she later referred to the pills as "dillies" which I have found out is Dilaudid aka hydromorphone aka yet another STRONG opiate painkiller. That was 2 nights ago. So now I know if he's not doing fentanyl he's doing painkiller pills. And the coke hasn't stopped or the drinking. He has had a history of drug abuse in his past (crack, ecstasy) but never had these problems when we were first together. He had overcome them years ago. He barely has an appetite anymore, never sleeps at normal times and we fight all the time. He's been talking to another girl lately, another drug addict girl who I know buys **** from him. He called her babe and baby & was really flirtatious. I feel like he just wants attention because he maybe feels ashamed around me for doing so many drugs & knowing it disappoints me. I'm worried sick and have NO idea how to deal with this. I want to be with him, to help him because I know he probably can't stop without help. I also know he won't stop until He wants to. Everything I say, all the warnings about how he could die, I don't think any of it matters to him. I really need some advice on what to do here. I don't want to leave him, but our relationship is diminishing by the day because of this. He says it is me and my fault because I'm always "nagging" "bitching" or on his case. Which I'm not. I've never dated an addict or had anyone close to me be addicted to drugs. Any help is very much appreciated!! Thank you
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Hugs MKR. Sorry you've had to deal with this.
It doesn't sound like he wants help. You can't help someone who doesn't want help. Staying with him will be a tough road, for sure. Are you sure this is what you want from such a significant person in your life? If you stay, you should do so assuming nothing changes. You will always be a nag to someone who won't change. No need to go through his pockets or read his texts, you can and should operate under the knowledge that he is using and talking to other women. Maybe it's only to sweet talk them into helping him feed his addiction, but I'm not sure that's better than any alternatives.
I hope you take a look around the friends and family forums, I think you will find very similar stories.
It doesn't sound like he wants help. You can't help someone who doesn't want help. Staying with him will be a tough road, for sure. Are you sure this is what you want from such a significant person in your life? If you stay, you should do so assuming nothing changes. You will always be a nag to someone who won't change. No need to go through his pockets or read his texts, you can and should operate under the knowledge that he is using and talking to other women. Maybe it's only to sweet talk them into helping him feed his addiction, but I'm not sure that's better than any alternatives.
I hope you take a look around the friends and family forums, I think you will find very similar stories.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 17
I am also new to this forum and have been reading posts made by others. It has helped me out so much. In the last 7 months my bf has admitted that he was addicted to opiates. He started out taking pills then eventually started using heroin. He used to drink beer but luckily he stopped. Not sure if be couldn't afford it or if it just wasn't giving him the high he wanted and needed. I also started to get suspicious of certain behaviors and if I would ask him it would start a fight or he would say it was crazy of me to think such non-sense. I can relate to you about the relationship turning into something bad. I guess looking back I always made excuses or I guess I thought I would hang in there and things would get better. Well they only got worse. My bf asked for help and is currently in rehab now. Since he has been away I have been trying to really understand addiction and understand my situation. This website has helped me out so much! Going to meetings helped, but it was hard because it was mostly parents and not significant others. It helps me so much by reading other stories and to know I am not alone. It has also opened my eyes to see how much of an enabler I have been and how much crap I have put up with.
I hope your bf will get the help he needs.
I hope your bf will get the help he needs.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 76
Oh my!!! I read you post and all I can say is you need to RUN!!!
Run to an an alanon meeting! NOW!!! Reading your post screams that you are also in complete denial. I know you say you love him but the one thing you must understand is an addict can not love you back. He loves his drugs, he lives for his drugs and you are not his priority. You are right not to trust him and it is a good thing you are not having much of a sex life. I would certainly not have sex with him especially knowing that he is a HEAVY drug user and I would not be surprised if he is sleeping around or has. **** happens when you're high just ask the recovering addicts on this forum!! GOD forbid you became pregnant!!
You are young and have your entire life ahead of you! You don't need to be a martyr and stick by him especially when he is actively using. He will continue to lie to you and make you broken promises, and you both will continue to fight because that's what addicts do!!
I hope you will take the necessary steps to change your own life and your own future before its too late. His lifestyle which he chooses is unacceptable and leads to a life of pain and suffering, as you can see.
You need to love yourself more than you love him and make changes....consider moving out and love him from afar. He needs to hit rock bottom...sooner than later. I don't want to sound harsh but the reality is you are signing up for a miserable life.
You can let go or be dragged!!!
Run to an an alanon meeting! NOW!!! Reading your post screams that you are also in complete denial. I know you say you love him but the one thing you must understand is an addict can not love you back. He loves his drugs, he lives for his drugs and you are not his priority. You are right not to trust him and it is a good thing you are not having much of a sex life. I would certainly not have sex with him especially knowing that he is a HEAVY drug user and I would not be surprised if he is sleeping around or has. **** happens when you're high just ask the recovering addicts on this forum!! GOD forbid you became pregnant!!
You are young and have your entire life ahead of you! You don't need to be a martyr and stick by him especially when he is actively using. He will continue to lie to you and make you broken promises, and you both will continue to fight because that's what addicts do!!
I hope you will take the necessary steps to change your own life and your own future before its too late. His lifestyle which he chooses is unacceptable and leads to a life of pain and suffering, as you can see.
You need to love yourself more than you love him and make changes....consider moving out and love him from afar. He needs to hit rock bottom...sooner than later. I don't want to sound harsh but the reality is you are signing up for a miserable life.
You can let go or be dragged!!!
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: gahanna ohio
Posts: 3
u sound like my wife,,,and i was the same way,i did whatever gave me a buzz,,,but the only advice i can give is the way my wife did me to open my eyes up,,,was she put up with me for the past 18 yrs ,,,and she finally got fed up,,,and was done with me,,,and had to kick me out and leave me before i realized i just lost my family to drugs,,,check in your town for medicated and controlled treatment,,,like a methadone clinic or find a doxtor that prescribes suboxone,,,but first and foremost, u cant make him if he soes not want help there is nothing u can do,,,like the old saying ,,u can lead a horse to water but you cant make him drink,,,he sounds a lot like me,,,it is almost scary,,,i finally found a doctor that treats addiction like the chronic disease it is,,and treats it as such,,,by prescribing suboxone,,,,treatment centers have phenominal ways to detox people pain free,,,hope this helps and good luck,,,
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