MJP0651

Good Afternoon,

My wife has recenly gone through detox and has been clean from H for 16 days. She has completely shut me out of her life. She very rarely will return my text messages, and phone calls, and refuses to see me or come home to our apartment. This makes me very sad and angry because she will not let me support her in her recovery. I know what it is like to go through recovery, maybe not to the extent she is, but I just don't understand why she has shut me out of her life. Any advise is greatly appreciated.

Thank You.

doggonecarl

I am sorry you are going through this, but at least your wife is trying to recover. As to why she's acting this way, it could be any number of reasons. Early recovery is traumatic, the addict is often full of shame for what they have done. The recovery is her's. You can only help yourself. I suggest you visit the friends and family forum. Lots of people who are or have been in your shoes:
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Anna

I'm sorry for your situation. It's likely your wife is just trying to find her way.

Have you considered NarAnon as a support for yourself?

Dee74

Hi and welcome MJP.

I'm so sorry for your situation - I can only imagine how hard that can be.

I know you'll find support here tho.
Please do look at the forum Carl suggested too

D

MJP0651

Thank you both for the replies. I am so so glad she has decided for herself to get help. I know she is trying to find her way, but I just feel like I am another form of support, seeing as I have and do support her in other things. I will check out the family page and see what they have to say. Thanks again you two, I really appreciate it.

FlyerFan

What you are feeling and experiencing is completely normal for someone in your position. You have to give her some space while she is in early recovery. If she is really serious about recovery she will come back around when she feels more stable.

When I first got sober I shut everyone out, including my boyfriend. He was very upset and didn't understand at first, and it did take me quite a while to finally gain some time and strength but when I did, it made our relationship stronger than ever.

Keep faith and keep supporting her no matter what. That's all you can do from your standpoint.

Cyranoak

...I had a hard time figuring out my role in my wife's recovery, and letting go of what I "knew." I will tell you this, though, Alanon is what helped me to discover what is, and what is not, helping. It also helped me understand what is, and what is not, my business relative to her recovery (this was very hard for me as I righteously exclaimed, "I'm her husband, EVERYTHING about her is my business!").

Start with this-- sometimes, and probably even often, the best support you can give her is to say nothing and to do nothing. I know that sounds weird, but I'm asking you to trust me on this. Get to the Friends and Family Forum, and try six Alanon meetings to see if it will work for you.

I wish you the best my friend.

Cyranoak