solstice3

Hi, I've been back out for a long time and have been high-functioning with little or no obvious consequences. but I'm so da** unhappy and older now and I think health issues are starting up. I had many bad consequences in my 20s and 30s so it seemed obvious there was a problem. Now, for many years, successful employment and finances, no legal issues, etc., but just so empty and feeling sick/angry/disgusted all of the time. I live in a rural area now to be close to aging relative so very little AA. I'm starting day 4 today, which is as far as I get most of the time and I give in/up by the evening. Any ideas, thoughts? I have my Big Book to read and online access. Harder when the consequences are not in black and white. I just know there is more out there for me if I can release this element from my life. Thanks for being here.

lilac0721

I'm on day 2 number 10,001. I get it. I also live in a rural area and the earliest aa meeting I can get to is 8pm. Typically I'm buzzed and ready to sleep by then (or if sober, I'm exhausted from all the fun things I've done all day).

Here are some suggestions that have worked for me in the past and that I plan on using today when I get "itchy."

Read SR posts. LOTS of em!
Use the chat tool here on SR, especially if the urge gets huge. It's helped me through my personal tough time of the day in the past (I have a hard time around 2-5 pm for some reason).
Read the Big Book.
Go for a walk.
Meditate.
Check out other recovery-oriented websites.

I hope this helps and I hope you get through day 4!

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR solstice3

I was like you in that the last decade of my drinking I didn't really have any 'serious' consequences from my drinking. Not that you could see from the outside anyway. In a way I thing that it is more black and white like that, at least that you know that it is coming from inside you rather than having sobriety forced on you by external circumstances.

I'd recommend looking up AVRT. That really helped me get over the initial cravings. I never got past day one for a long time. Maybe join the Class of October thread on this forum, that way you have people to check in with. It helps to have support from other people going through the same thing x

misterritter

Hi Solstice and welcome.

I understand what you are saying. I had some tangible consequences in my life from drinking but nothing I didn't know about or expect when I started a binge.

But as I thought back through my life, and saw how many times I had not participated in conversations or activities because I was either buzzed, drunk, or hungover, I saw a lot of missed opportunities. I feel like, right now, my life is less than it could or should be and at least some of that is because of drinking.

I rarely ever did anything really stupid drunk, no DUI's, no hospital visits, very few blowup fights with my wife, but I feel an emptiness inside that I used to fill with drinking.

I decided I was tired of living that way and am working on addressing the emptiness without alcohol because it has done nothing but make it worse for the last 5 years for sure and probably the last 15 as well.

So, in deciding to address my issues I decided that alcohol would not help and definitely hinder what I want to achieve.

I am still very new to this but thought sharing my process may help you a bit.

Good luck to you.

FreeFall

Welcome Solstice! Catching this thing before the major health issues start (and they will) is a really good idea. The first 3-4 days were definitely the hardest so hang in there and see it through. I found lots of reading, listening to old music I used to love, naps, etc. helped. You'll find when you're not drinking and beating yourself up over drinking all the time you'll find a new serenity. Check in at SR often and good luck!

Dee74

Welcome Solstice3
A lot of good advice here already - you'll find a lot of support here

SR really helped me turn my life around - I hope you can do the same
D

Toss

Howdy,

Day 4 here as well, so your not alone. I am reading alot on SR and trying to find something active to do.

No real advice, just letting you know I'm working at it the same as you.

Toss

dogmamma

Working with you too. You aren't alone.

solstice3

Thanks everyone - 8:30 PM, active day, so I may have just cozy up for the debate and call it a nite. SO nice to not feel alone in this and appreciate all the input. I don't sit still when I drink at home, I clean, pay bills, organize, etc. so its hard to find motivation to do that without. I know thats not the big picture, but in the short run its important to me cause thats part of how I rationalized it - I say I'm being productive. Coffee helps and I need to learn ways of doing these things like "normal" people. I suppose I used those items as an excuse to drink, feeling sorry that I had to do all of the 'chores' myself and saying that I deserved it or it would make it more fun/less boring. Some kind of stinking thinking. Then later, get on the phone....and well, you probably know the rest. Not a pretty picture.

artsoul

Welcome solstice!

I felt tired and unmotivated when I first got sober, but I decided to take it easy and keep things simple for a while. I spent a lot of time here in the evenings when I would usually drink and it really helped.

Hang in there - it really does get better as you go. Glad you've joined us!

Delilah1

I am on day five and have been using SR too. Being active during the day and hanging out with my kids. We can all do this together!!!

427

Yup, day #4 here, too ... again. This site is keeping me in touch w/ what's REALLY real and I'm not sure I could do it w/o all of these great people. I have a lot of time on my hands because I'm not working right now, and have also moved to a new state to be w/ my mom, so SR has been really helpful for me. Went to my second meeting tonight and it has helped to get w/ other people who are in the same boat. Wishing you every success, my friend! You're definitely not alone!