Prejudices?
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
So if someone asks you about your life and you proudly share about your partner...then they reject you because you are gay...where's the loss? That person has shown you their character and saved you some time and trouble. I don't invest in that kind of a person. Same with any other form of shallowness. I have neither the time nor the inclination and neither should you.
This is your life. Surround yourself with people who are worthy of your attention. Lose the rest.
This is your life. Surround yourself with people who are worthy of your attention. Lose the rest.
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Thank you paper dolls.
Yes mark... It is assumed so you never have to filter a simple response.
Anyway... I always say I am not gay.... My boyfriend is.
Looking forward to my meeting this evening. Going with renewed vigor and open minded ness.
Thanks for the great responses and thoughts.
K
Yes mark... It is assumed so you never have to filter a simple response.
Anyway... I always say I am not gay.... My boyfriend is.
Looking forward to my meeting this evening. Going with renewed vigor and open minded ness.
Thanks for the great responses and thoughts.
K
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,475
Ken, I'm sorry that you have to experience negative reactions when people find out that you're gay. It's ridiculous. But, someone who reacts like that, isn't someone you want to waste any time speaking with anyways.
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Anna... You are so right.
What I am learning is people don't have the problem. I do. I make huge assumptions. I underestimate others. And in turn myself.
Those that know me know I have no issues with being gay. I am rather comfortable. That's if you already know. It's the fear of immediate rejection that I experienced before that makes me timid.
Plus I read articles everyday about how others are treated and I translate that to me.
I am not the kind any one could "tell". I hate saying that as it judge mental. But it's fact.
This process of recovery has been an eye opener. It gets the pot stirred up again after many years of being dormant and numb.
K
What I am learning is people don't have the problem. I do. I make huge assumptions. I underestimate others. And in turn myself.
Those that know me know I have no issues with being gay. I am rather comfortable. That's if you already know. It's the fear of immediate rejection that I experienced before that makes me timid.
Plus I read articles everyday about how others are treated and I translate that to me.
I am not the kind any one could "tell". I hate saying that as it judge mental. But it's fact.
This process of recovery has been an eye opener. It gets the pot stirred up again after many years of being dormant and numb.
K
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
I was at a family reunion sitting next to my nephew, his father (my brother) and his step-mom (from Cuba, who is probably over 60 and still has a thick accent). Everyone was talking about their kids. I never had any desire for kids myself, but just to keep my nephew (who wasn't saying anything) in the loop, I asked him if he ever wanted to get married and have kids and he said, "yeah, but it would probably be with a guy."
I had no clue. His step-mom's back noticeably stiffened. He said, "yeah, I know mom and dad aren't too happy about it, but..." His step-mom said, "Sean, you know I love you, but you will excuse me if I have an opinion."
That sealed our friendship, because for me it was no big whoop.
Nobody has ever asked me if I want to get married and have kids. I guess it's pretty obvious that it's not on my list of priorities. I'm happy with who I am. It would never occur to anyone to ask. But at the time, I didn't know my nephew very well. Now I call him every once in a while and we have nice conversations.
He sends me holiday cards addressed to "Uncle Renaldo" which is kind of sweet. As if the postman is going to deliver cards differently just because he calls me uncle. He's prematurely bald and I've still got no shortage of hair. I feel like we're on a level playing field. I think he's just ribbing me.
Or maybe not. Maybe he looks up to me because I just don't feel I have to conform to the norm and everyone knows it. The rest of the family is actually interested in me and asks about my rucksack travels.
Everything is a trade-off. When I can afford it, I go to unheard of places and do whatever I want and don't have to take kids into consideration. They can't do that. Can't say that I envy them.
I had no clue. His step-mom's back noticeably stiffened. He said, "yeah, I know mom and dad aren't too happy about it, but..." His step-mom said, "Sean, you know I love you, but you will excuse me if I have an opinion."
That sealed our friendship, because for me it was no big whoop.
Nobody has ever asked me if I want to get married and have kids. I guess it's pretty obvious that it's not on my list of priorities. I'm happy with who I am. It would never occur to anyone to ask. But at the time, I didn't know my nephew very well. Now I call him every once in a while and we have nice conversations.
He sends me holiday cards addressed to "Uncle Renaldo" which is kind of sweet. As if the postman is going to deliver cards differently just because he calls me uncle. He's prematurely bald and I've still got no shortage of hair. I feel like we're on a level playing field. I think he's just ribbing me.
Or maybe not. Maybe he looks up to me because I just don't feel I have to conform to the norm and everyone knows it. The rest of the family is actually interested in me and asks about my rucksack travels.
Everything is a trade-off. When I can afford it, I go to unheard of places and do whatever I want and don't have to take kids into consideration. They can't do that. Can't say that I envy them.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Ken, I don't think you should ever have to deny who you are. I agree with those that say if people have a problem with you being gay it's their problem and you don't need them in your life. I have gay friends and don't want the people that don't accept them in my life either.
It's okay to answer "no" to the questions "are you married? do you have kids?" without going in to full disclosure mode is all that I meant. If they keep asking probing questions you can decide from there where you want to take it. You can also change the subject if you don't feel like sharing more.
"But that comment is spoken from a point of view of never having felt the anxiety of what happens next" you're sort of right on that one, but not totally. I'm in my 50's, never married, no kids. People don't know what to make of that. So, I do know the anxiety of wondering what the follow up questions will be, but I don't know it from the viewpoint of being gay.
I suppose if you wanted to remove that anxiety you could go to a gay AA meeting instead? Then you could focus fully on recovery and remove the fears about meeting members initially.
It's okay to answer "no" to the questions "are you married? do you have kids?" without going in to full disclosure mode is all that I meant. If they keep asking probing questions you can decide from there where you want to take it. You can also change the subject if you don't feel like sharing more.
"But that comment is spoken from a point of view of never having felt the anxiety of what happens next" you're sort of right on that one, but not totally. I'm in my 50's, never married, no kids. People don't know what to make of that. So, I do know the anxiety of wondering what the follow up questions will be, but I don't know it from the viewpoint of being gay.
I suppose if you wanted to remove that anxiety you could go to a gay AA meeting instead? Then you could focus fully on recovery and remove the fears about meeting members initially.
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
FF... I do go to a gay meeting. But I need meetings daily for now. And they are only one day I can go to them.
What do I make of a never married women in her 50's? Lol
Since it is you? I would make her out to be a kind, normal and caring person. Things I have seen you display here on SR. And to me specifically.
Thanks!
What do I make of a never married women in her 50's? Lol
Since it is you? I would make her out to be a kind, normal and caring person. Things I have seen you display here on SR. And to me specifically.
Thanks!
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
HaHa see what I mean? Just a case of not meeting right person at right time. I'm very happy with a partner, but he was married once and it wasn't pretty. I would have loved to have kids, but couldn't afford to do it on my own. Thanks for your kind words
You'll find a way through this. Some days it feels like we have to be like a mole burrowing blindly underground to do it. Fun times lol
You'll find a way through this. Some days it feels like we have to be like a mole burrowing blindly underground to do it. Fun times lol
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