PaperDolls

Mizzuno, it does get better. No doubt about it.

Do what you need to do for you. To thine own self, be true.

And why not find some sort of face-to-face support? I did me wonders.

firestorm090

I lost my mind too, years ago.......and I'm still looking for it, lol.

Mizzuno

I would like to state that my husband just wants me to be happt. He does not want bad things to happen to me. His supportingme the beat way he knows how. I have to understand that.

Vall

You are doing just great dear Mizz :>)

You will get there in the end I know it - I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes...x

Itchy

I'm glad you decided not to bail on yourself.


It is hard on the family when a dynamic changes for better or worse. Hard for the one changing just because we slip into old ways of thinking. I like to use the analogy of the movie Groundhog Day as what drinking was like for me. And for how I felt sober, the rawness and the exposed feeling of being totally aware again.

I also feel that many of us feel like the character Brooks in the Shawshank Redemption. Jail was all he knew, he grew old there, it was home for him. They let him out and it was all foreign, the halfway house, the world outside, the hustle, and the feeling of not understanding it, that all he did was out of synch, and alone.

Some of us have been in the prison of our own making and missed a lot of what we would have learned sober. And feel a bit like Brooks when we leave our hidey hole in the middle of life.

That is why I need face to face counseling or steps or books, and websites like this. It isn't enough to be sober. I seek my fair measure of joy.

I have it and cannot give you yours. You have to take it for yourself. Take joy.

Mizzuno

My typing is horrible on this phone.....sorry guys.

andisa

I know that obsession well. Since I was about 12 I was fascinated with the whole drug culture so it was only a matter of time before I had to experiment. Spent decades doing so and to be honest, to this day, over 5 years since getting away from use, I still think about it, surely there's hardwiring in my bring that will likely always be that way. That said, it does not mean I'm still obsessed nor actively using. Time and change of lifestyle allows that to obsession to fade. And when it rears its ugly head I wait it out. Time to endure the waiting grows ever shorter. Knowing I don't have to succumb to its enticing lure provides strength. You'll gain endurance with time and the pull toward using will fade for you too. It is a process to be sure, but a functional one. Persist!