rudeboy

hello everyone in recovery-land.....
I first have to thank everyone that was at recovery unlimited while this board was down, you guys kept me sane through a really rough few days!!!
Ive never been part of a mesage board group, and every response and welcoming note made me feel like I wasnt soooo alone, so I thank you all!
(I'd send all of you awesome women flowers if I could!!!)

So today I'm working on accepting my new life in sobriety.
Things arent perfect, but I'm ok w/ that.
Whatever is meant to be w/ my ex, will be... its out of my control.
And most importanly, if I stay sober, go to meetings, go to therapy, take my meds, and remain open to new possibilities, things will get better.....

I guess today I'm hopeful, more than I've been in a long time, and if I can keep my positive attitude, I'll be ok!!!!!!
wishing you all a wonderful day!
evan

Dan

Thanks for coming back! What do you think of the new furniture? I like what you say man. Take care of what you can take care of and leave the rest to sort itself out. Think I'll plaster your post on my forehead!

DD

Little Missy

Then you won't be able to see it Dan!
I agree though Evan, what a great outlook you have. This is my 17th day sober and I've already been tempted twice. I made it though, with the help from my friends here!
Welcome!
Miss

True Blue

Hello This is Rude, I mean Evan

I am glad we found our way to the other site also. SR is one of my tools for keeping me clean & sober. Just a great bunch of people. Evan things do get alot better, you sound great. Love you

I read this quote on General Recovery on the other site I don't know who wrote it but it is a very powerful sentence.

"The last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

Good seeing you.

Justme57

I am so glad you are doing well!

With that attitude , you have to be a winner !

HUGX
Lee

btw ........ 1 doz long stemmed red roses will be fine , thank you ! lol

Jeff_C

OH YEAH. Now that’s good strong message of both hope and commitment, and ya can’t go wrong with that puppy. Call it a “pink cloud� or call it a “revelation� but a “rose by any other name DOES smell as sweet. Lovin’ positivity works for me!!

rudeboy

hey Dan, littlemissy, and trueblue....
I love days like this, when I'm aware that I have control over my attitude....
of course some days, no matter what, my attitude is so wretched I wish a piano would fall on my head!!!
but while this is going on, I'm trying to remeber what it was that got me here today, so if tom. stinks, I can do something about it....
but that goes back to the control issue, I think.... some days are going to just stink! and instead of worrying about tom., I'm just enjoying today!!!
(God I hope this lasts!!!!) but if not, I'm ok w/ that too....
grrrrrrr...... (threatening the crappy days!)
because I have no choice. The other side is being miserable constantly, and I'm so tired of that... I deserve better, damnit! but I have a long road ahead.....
evan

In memory of miracle

Always love to hear the positive!! Good to see you here! WE are pullin for ya!!

Anna

Hi Evan,

It's good to hear that you're doing well and I'm sure your attitude will help get you through the days to come. We do have a great bunch of people here and this is a great place to come to be inspired.

Welcome LittleMissy,

I'm glad you are on your 17th day and doing well. As you confront each temptation and win, it will get easier and easier.

Love, Anna

rudeboy

hey justme, Jeff, miracle, and Anna,
(feeling corny) but I cant help but think of what one of the therapists in my rehab always said- "keep an attitude of gratitude, you may not get what you want, but youll get what you need!"
I really believe that to be true... especially if one looks in the right places, support groups, message boards, therapy, family, etc...
and I'm learning to live w/ not having what "I" want, when "I" want it....
letting go of the old "instant gratification" thing, one of many of my old attitudes I need to keep in check......
(oh, and there are loooots of those!)
humility is the next one.... cant get too smug about feeling good, I've been down that road a few times now.... fooled by a "pink cloud" or whatever one calls it...... I think this is a new stage, like the proverbial onion layers being peeled back to reveal something else.......
anyway, trying not to get ahead of myself here,
evan

ted

GLAD YOUR DOING OKAY!SOBRIETY TAKES WORK,IF WE ARE WILLING TO TRY ,WE WILL GET WELL!I REALLY BELEIVE THAT. STAY STRONG ted :thumb

In memory of miracle

I heard somethin like that too,a grateful heart will never drink again.I never forgot it....

rudeboy

So tonight my mom had an apartment full of guests to celebrate my grandmothers birthday (small 2 b/r, nowhere to escape to) and the straglers are only just leaving now, 12:30 am..... grrrr, get out!
Uncles and family friends, all getting wasted, and I cant deal w/ all the questions...
"so what have you been doing?"
ummm, just got out of rehab... want to hear about it?
"so hows your girlfriend?"
ummm, she broke up with me... want to hear about it?
"I havent seen you in sooo long, you look great!"
ummm, no I dont, got bags under my eyes, I look cracked out....
AAAARRRRRGGGGGGGH!
but I kept my fake "so nice to see you" smile on, dodged and burned all the questions, and took a few nice looooong walks.....
anyway, done deal.
but I hate how my mind works... I felt like there was a giant flashing neon sign on my head saying "self-concious-screw-up", and that everyone could tell there was something wrong w/ me.... or thinking "he used to be such a nice boy, so much potential...."
hi, loser here!
When I was drinking I could handle these things (I thought) perfectly... telling jokes, talking about my fabulous life, etc... me, me, me.... after all it was all about me, right? and now, all quiet and reserved, and watching everyone else doing there various "things" around me, made me really uncomfortable... I didnt know how to behave.... felt really awkward to be so awkward, then it becomes a selfconcious "oh God, I'm being wierd" thing.....
really noone gives a hoot about what I'm doing.... as long as I'm not wasted and throwing glasses (like at my cousins wedding), or hitting on my 2nd cousin (whom I'd never met) in a black-out and didnt realize we were sort of related (oops) or falling on my ass on the dancefloor, again breaking a full glass of booze (at my other cousins sweet 16) or passing out in the shower (blackout) at my sisters b-day bbq, (water running, flooded the place)......... and thats only the stuff at a few family affairs..... and now I feel like I should be embarrassed because I think I'm acting wierd???? Sober??? God, is my thinking messed up, or what???!
anyway, the last of them just left, I lived through yet another uncomfortable situation, and what.... I made myself crazy for 4 hours because I listened to all the negative self-talk in my head.....
gotta learn to turn that off!!!!!
goodnite everyone in recoveryland,
evan

Justme57

glad you made it in one piece !

Sleep tight

HUGX
lee

dotcom

Hey Evan!

Wow, you made it through the family party, in my honest opinion, WITH FLYING COLORS! That must have been very difficult for you with all the prying questions and the alcohol in glasses and on people's breath. I am proud of you. You have a good attitude. And do not worry about feeling awkward. I felt that way too, and sometimes still do. Like as if there is a sign saying "JUNKIE... RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU... JUST SAY SOMETHING TO BE POLITE". But really, we have a lot to be confident about.. for one SOBRIETY! And in time, like you said, it will get better and there will be many more things to build confidence!

Hugs and Prayers!

Dot

PS HANG IN THERE! YOU CAN DO IT!

rudeboy

Hey Lee, Ms. Dot...
funny how we play games in our own heads!!!!
I made it through the family firing line last night, thankful that I dont
have to go to any more fam. events like that for a looooong while!
A test I'd rather not put myself through on a daily basis, fo sho!!!
Well its a beautiful day, and I'm still sitting inside, looking outside,
always hesitating to join the rest of the world..... but I have things
I need to do, sooooo.....I gotsta go!
(ok, and there really isnt a giant flashing neon sign around my neck,
I checked....)
evan
maybe a post-it on my back that I missed.... hmmmm. have to risk it.

Justme57

Hi Evan , I was wondering how you were going, glad you are doing well

HUGX
Lee

Jeff_C

Hey M’man, don’t feel too bad. Right now I’m locked away in what passes for my den, the pocket doors pulled shut as Bently (my dog) and I suffer tha pain of the banished. God sometimes “they� even want me to turn the music down. Ya see, my wife has all these “sober� women, who I might add were all my friends from AA, over for a “guided meditation.� Of course the first “guiding� is me out of their midst, as they lapse into more or less silent repose, and the “business� of the evening. Doesn’t last all that long, and then I hear the giggling. That’s when I know it’s over and they’re getting’ ready for the shank-o-the -evening which means food and frolic.

Sometime later, I’ll hear a tap on door and when I open it, either Lou (my wife) or one of her flunkies will shove in a plate of food, pet BENTLY on the head and leave me to my solitary devices. Later, if they really want coffee, I’m summoned from exile and put to work, since I’m the only one around here that makes a solid pot. Usually I can manage to stay out at that point, and sometimes they even let me participate,-------------if the coffee’s up to snuff.

Actually it get pretty wild from that point on, and is much an education as it is a pleasure. Don’t know that I’ve ever heard so much laughter, ribaldry, and conversations that just blow me away. Actually all but two have husbands that are drunks, (sober ones) and are in the program themselves. and the two that don’t (have husbands) are drunks none the less. Nothing is sacred, and we all take our turn on the “rack�, but it’s all in fun, a really delightful evening that my wife hosts every month. I get to watch,-------if I’m good.

When I read your letter, I remember feeling exactly the way that you do, and thought “nothing� will ever be normal again. Believe me these folks sure aren’t “normal�, but it’s just so damn good. Later after they all leave Lou will tell me what I missed and all the AA women’s gossip, and I don’t mean that negatively, just more or less “catching up�. I never in my wildest dreams though an evening like this would be possible, much less a highlight, but it is. BTW the only non-alcoholic is Lou, and yet they’ve taken her in as “one of us�, an “honorary� drunk ya might say, but then she does have a sponsor, works the steps, and doesn’t drink. But that’s another story.

Give time,--------------time, and hang in there. We do “learn� to do all that “stuff� in sobriety, and call it “being comfortable in our own skin� or “wearing life like a loose garment�. It WILL happen for ya as long as ya don’t pick up that first drink or drug. And ya never have to feel this way again, ------------unless ya choose to.
Jeff

rudeboy

lol..... hey Jeff, thats an awesome note..... that sounds like some great support for you and your wife et. al... well for your wife anyway, and you when you not being sent to your room!!!!
yeah, giving time time... I'm working hard on being patient, some days are better than others... I'm still all over the place though.
BTW, on monday I'm signing myself into an outpatient rehab for some extra support. (wish me luck!) I dont feel a relapse coming on, but I feel like I need more regularity in my schedule at the moment, being out of work as I still am. It feels like the only things I'm comfortable doing lately are recovery oriented (not like theres anything wrong w/ that) but I'm a bit frustrated by my level of anxiety doing anything else.... even going to the supermarket is still an event....
livin' a day at a time,
evan

Dan

Hey Evan,
Good on the outpatient rehab. There's no such thing as too much support in recovery. I read your account of the family gathering the other day and it broke me up! You show a great sense of humor and a real sense of knowing where you're at. And I think it's good to feel a certain level of anxiety at first, even if it is frustrating like you say. And those post-it notes... I still find one once in a while!

DD