BigTeddy

Hello Everyone! I'm just going to start writing this and see where it goes. I'm 28 yrs old and have had an ongoing struggle with addiction. I started drinking when I was 15 and started using drugs shortly afterwards. I guess like most people I started with marijuana and by the time I was 18 had started using harder drugs (cocaine and ecstasy) pretty regularly. In college I was a daily marijuana smoker and drank and did coke on the weekends. I made good grades and didn't think I had any sort of problem and that I was just having a good time and could quit drinking and using any time I wanted to. I had experimented with most drugs out there and never really liked any of the pills some of my friends were crazy about. They took pain pills and benzos pretty regularly but they just made me sleepy and not be able to remember what I did the night before, so I never really liked them. All of that changed when I was introduced to oxycontin. I was 20 years old the first time I tried it and I was using it daily two weeks after my first experience with it. I soon found out that if I didn't have any pills that I started to feel pretty bad and would need to get a pill immediately. This was the first time in my life that I knew what being addicted to something really felt like. So I lived the life of a junkie for the next two years. My first thought upon waking was to score because I knew the impending sickness was only a little time away. I managed to graduate college although my grades definitely weren't as stellar as they had been. I knew I couldn't continue on with this lifestyle very much longer because I had pretty much depleted all of my money and resources on my addiction. I came clean with my father and told him I was a drug addict and needed help to get clean. I got into treatment and got on suboxone and remained on it for 3 years along with going to counseling twice a month. I didn't drink or use for the entirety of my time in treatment and I got off of the suboxone around my 25th birthday. I stayed completely clean for about a year after getting off of the suboxone. But I gradually started drinking alcohol and thought that I never had a problem with alcohol so drinking on the weekends shouldn't be a problem. I've been drinking pretty regularly for the last year and I really want to stop. I don't know if I'm an alcoholic but I know I'm a binge drinker and can't have just one or two drinks. I have made the resolution to not drink and get in shape several times over the last few months and everytime one of my friends asks me to go out on a Friday or Saturday night I very seldom am able to say no. I really am going to try hard to not drink and I hope having someone to keep me accountable will help. Thanks.

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR.

I tried a hundred time to quit. Tried hard. Failed. Why? Because a goal without a plan is a wish. You can't wish yourself sober.

Once I had a recovery plan, I succeeded. Hope you do to.

BigTeddy

Thanks Carl, that seems like very good advice. I guess part one of my recovery plan should be to get rid of all the alcohol that I have in my house. I am going to make a commitment to not drink and if I can't do it I'm planning on getting into an outpatient program. Excersise really made the opiate recovery easier and i've gotten badly out of shape, so I plan on starting a moderate excersise program this week as well. Any other advise or tips would be much appreciated.

Purplecatlover

Welcome Teddy!
Exercising is great, playing sports, reading, anything other than bars & booze.
Your body has already tipped the addiction scale, alcohol is a slippery slope. I'm sure lots of people here started out on weekend binges, that led to every other day, then to daily consumption at accelerated amounts.
Once you've gone past the point of no return, alcohol becomes no longer an option for you.
You can never obtain that "high" again.

You sound very smart & well acquainted with yourself & addiction.
Whatever you do, please stop now before the pit is too deep to get out of.
You've already conquered Oxy addiction.
Don't put yourself through that again.
No "fun feeling" is worth the pain. And it's a false, fake, chemically induced feeling.
Life sober can feel even better & it's REAL.
Keep us updated on your progress

FreeFall

Welcome Teddy from "the Ham". I've had some good times in your city

Glad you found your way to SR. I think you'll find you have a lot in common with people here. You can stop drinking if you want to, and being on SR will help a lot!!

BigTeddy

Thanks for the responses. I must admit that just posting about getting sober has made me feel very excited and lifted my mood. This afternoon I'm going to hit the gym that I pay $60 a month for and haven't used in 18 months I know this isn't going to be easy by any stretch of the imagination but I feel really confident that I can do this. I will update later with how the workout went. Thanks again!!

HitRockBottom70

Welcome BT,
You will find a lot of great resources on this site. Keep posting and you can and will achieve your goals.

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR BigTeddy x

FreeFall

I may have spent more money on gym memberships that I didn't use over the years than did on booze lol I do know if I hadn't been drinking I would have used the memberships though so there you have it. Good for you for getting to the gym!!

Dee74

Welcome BigTeddy

I had to make a lot of changes in my life to stay sober - especially regarding those Fri and Sat calls from friends - but I really wanted my life to free of addiction...and looking back all the changes were worth it

You'll find a lot of support here

D

Itchy

Welcome Teddy!
That sounds great! I joined a gym and it didn't do me any good. Turns out you had to go there too. Seriously, you are getting great advice. Stay posting, start reading here, and we can all make it together.

BigTeddy

Just made it home from the gym! I learned that I'm badly out of shape. I was able to run about a quarter of a mile before I had to stop and then I walked another mile and a half. I also did some very light weight lifting. Over all it was a good first effort I think. I poured out all of the alcohol that I had at my house. I'm not going to lie, it was a little harder than I anticipated. I told my girlfriend that I was going to stop drinking and she seemed a bit surprised but told me she was happy. Well that's all for now I guess. Thanks again everyone for the support and kind words.

Toss

I am on my third serious attempt to stop drinking. It has been part of my life for 20 to 25 years. You seem to still be fairly young and having been through a fairly extensive rehab, so you know what it's like.

If I had one wish, it would be that I would have been successful a long time ago. What a waste of time and money. You can get your health back, time is lost.

Sounds like your on the right path. Keep up the good work, I'm pulling for you.

Toss

BigTeddy

Day 2! Ate a healthy breakfast of fruit and yogurt and I'm feeling pretty good. Wishing everyone a good day Let's do this!!!