dogmamma

This is the hardest one of all. I didn't fully grasp what people meant when they called alcoholism a "progressive" illness until now. In fact, I wasn't sure it was an illness until it got this bad. I thought I just lacked will power. It wasn't until I accumulated consequences that troubled me enough to try and stop did I realize how addicted (my first time admitting that) I am.

The worst part is that stopping will bring to light all the things that made me start. I hate myself. I can't find the support I need because I find it excruciating to interact without alcohol. I keep trying to remind myself of everything good about not drinking, but it seems to weigh less than having the anesthesia of alcohol.

Still, I look so terrible that I border on not being able to work so I have to stop.

Day 1. Who's with me?

MrsKing

Hi dogmamma.

I used to hate myself, too. I couldn't leave the house due to depression and anxiety and the only thing I thought made life bearable was alcohol. I didn't know any other way of coping with anything, but shortly after getting sober my life started changing - my mental and physical health improved so much and I began to like myself. You don't have to feel this way any longer... I promise that you can learn to like yourself and that you will not always find social situations excrutiating without alcohol. I used to think it impossible that I could have a social life without alcohol but I was totally wrong - I now have a better social life than I've ever had.

You can do this. Believe in yourself.

dogmamma

Thank you, MrsKing. I hope it isn't too disrespectful to say I am having a hard time believing you. I know my poor attitude is because I feel so terrible from withdrawals. However, I know that there are going to be many hard (harder) days ahead before things get better. I don't feel equipped to deal with them. I keep reading this sight hoping something resonates.

Elisabeth888

I am sorry. The most important thing is that you are back. A lot of people just keep on going.

I understand your discomfort, but you cant do this alone. There are many options for recovery. Why not start today with making an appointment with a therapist? And keep posting here.

dogmamma

I've tried therapy. In all but one instance, it was very disappointing. I am not willing to jeopardize my ability to earn a living and get insurance by publicly confirming I am an alcoholic. I hope SR will be a good resource.

Amy1983

I'm with you! This is my day one. Well, I've had many "this will be day 1" and sure enough, my hubby walks in the door at 6pm and we both have a beer, or glass of wine, vodka in our hands... and I'll tell myself I don't have a problem.

I'm sick of feeling like this, my self confidence has gone down the toilet. I used to be so bubbly and calm in social situations, and unless I am drunk or buzzed, I don't want to be there. I've hermited myself in my house.

If you would like to pm me I would be happy to chat with you, I am in the same boat!

doggonecarl

Your drinking, if it continues, will do that for you. There is no shame in being alcoholic. The problem lies in not doing anything about it.

Avail yourself to anything, EVERYTHING, that will help you!

You're here. That's a great start.

Change4Better

Day 1 here too -- we can do this!! :-) And lately I have begun to realize that it is a step of progress to start a Day count in the first place...even if I have a string of Day 1s it's still better than the state of oblivion to my issues that i was living before. Not an easy truth to live with now that I've admitted I have a problem , but I'm working on it day by day.

FreeFall

Welcome DogMomma and Amy-glad you found SR!

I think most of us felt we didn't have the willpower to quit. In my case, I didn't have the willpower to have "just a couple" but I'm finding the willpower to abstain entirely. It's actually easier.

There are a lot of different programs to help and you can read about all of them here. Most important thing is realizing you have a problem and starting somewhere. You have LOTS of company in this!

Kza

Me

Lab

I'm with you! I'm on day 2 because I drank too much Friday to Saturday morning and couldn't function all Saturday and most of Sunday. Tomorrow is my biggest challenge. The ex takes the kids for the night. Not sure what to do with myself....I usually down 2 large bottles of wine. I'm very nervous about staying sober.

dogmamma

Yay, Amy, Change4Better and Kza. Congrats. I cannot believe how cloudy and horrible. I feel physically. How is everyone else doing?

dogmamma

Hey, Lab. I'm nervous too. I cannt image how I will feel tonight when I can't sleep and I have to think about all the consequences of my actions. Scary.

hypochondriac

Try not to tackle it all at once dogmamma. I know it's hard to believe but it does get better, and probably more quickly than you'd think. If you don't want to declare yourself an alcoholic it may be worth checking out AVRT (Rational Recovery). Google 'the crash course' or have a look at the secular connections forum. Also Allan Carr has a good take on the 'willpower' it takes to quit. There are lots of ways to recover Glad you're here x

MidnightBlue

It's my Another Day 1 too. And I am with you! I have to remind myself every day that "just one glass" does not work for me. For a long time I've beed getting caught in the same trap: after being sober for a week or two I start to think that I can control my drinking. Then decide to have a glass of wine, and then... Well, you know. It is high time to stop fooling myself. I hope this time I will do this.

Life is so good without booze.

Dee74

Welcome back dogmamma

what changes you make are up to you, but I really believe if we want change we need to make changes...as you know, you'll find a lot of support here.

best wishes to all the other day oners too - Amy, Change, Kza, Lab and MidnightBlue

D

MidnightBlue

Hi, everyone. How are doing? I am now almost through my Day 2. And it seems that I haven't been drinking for ages already, so I feel like I would use a glass of wine. But I am trying to hold on. Today I did my jogging, and realized that I haven't been doing this almost for a month. Actually, it was mostly fast walking because my heart and body need some time to recover before getting back to regular pace. Feel a little bit moody.

You all have a good and healthy day!

Dee74

If anyone hasn't checked out the October thread yet - do...there's a lot of support there too

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-2-a-14.html

D

Hevyn

dogmamma, I'm sorry to see you suffering so. I put myself through a living hell for many years. I never thought I could pull myself out of it, but I did. I know you can, too. I'm glad you're trying again - nothing is made better by drinking. We just freeze, and nothing gets accomplished.

Please keep posting - you have a lot of company, and we all understand.

dogmamma

Thanks you, hypochondriac. That's a good reminder. I explored a lot of "get sober/control" options in the past, but I was still not sure I was ready to quit. I was still in love with drinking as I watched it slowly degrade the quality of my life. Love affair over! Time to revisit.