427

God. This is insane.... Emotional day again, just want to cry or yell or run...or something. There's a meeting tonight at 7:00 and plan to go. I know from the [distant] past that once I'm there I'll be glad I went, but am fighting the anxiety over it. So sick of being on this freakin computer and Living on here. I need to be around people, and need to feel that "community". Also need to get myself a job for Some kind of structure in the day.

Went outside to get in the sun and got too hot, sweaty. Not sure if it's the lack of alcohol or the "dry heat," but couldn't stay out there long. Need to put gas in the car but don't even want to go down the street to do That. Yup, I'm depressed.

Glad this is here, though. I'd Really be climbing walls if I couldn't write this to "Someone" and get Some kind of response.... Crazy part is, I have quite a few friends (out of state...) who are in recovery but I'm too embarrassed to call them. Go figure?!!

Blah...

Dee74

If even just a little part of you wants this, I'm glad you're listening 427
D

427

Thanks, Dee. I'm listening and posting and reading.... I want that quick fix, dern it! I don't like this!

hypochondriac

Call them 427! I have the same situation but it is with a family friend who tried to talk to me about my drinking years ago. I will phone him if you phone your friends! We need to get over ourselves a bit. If they're in recovery too then they'll get it right? Maybe it is fear of saying it out loud and making it more real! Glad you're off to a meeting x

Hevyn

Sorry you're feeling so anxious, 427. Things can and do get better as we go along, & that's a promise.

I agree with hypochondriac - I think calling your friends would bring you some relief. I felt so much better when I had everything out in the open and could unburden myself a bit.

Glad you posted - we all care & understand what you're going through.

suki44883

Glad you posted. Call a friend and go to your meeting. You are right, you will be glad you did. Also, you might want to see your doctor about your depression. Sometimes, we need a little help temporarily, to get over the hump. You can do this!

427

Wow. You guys just brought tears to my eyes -- good tears. Am I a mess or what, lol?!!! Yeah, I'll either call one of them or contact them on FB, and I really am gonna force myself to get my arss out of here to the meeting.

@Suki: Thanks. I'm on an antidepressant already. Think it's just the lack of covering up the emotions w/ alcohol.... and admitting the "P-word." Ok, ok, I ALMOST said it!!!!

<3

Hevyn

No, not a mess...the rollercoaster ride of emotions is perfectly normal. Hope you go to the meeting - let us know how you're doing.

dSober

Everything you've said seems normal to me, for a recovering alcoholic. Been there, doing that.

Except the heat but that's normal for AZ. Was in Scottsdale for a week once on business, in August. Brutal, especially in the afternoon when nobody was out. All enjoying A/C somewhere I reckon.

Itchy

You can go to meetings in the daytime too you know. AA does not have a meeting limit. You don't go to a third meeting and the door locks and alarms go off.
Heck look at My Cool Fitz keeping himself occupied and teaching us all a bit in the process. Maybe you can help some others by volunteering at the wherever?

You are a mess just like we all are. Wonderful mess, we are.

Anna

You're not a mess at all and I'm so glad you're here and posting.

It's likely if you're drinking while taking the antidepressant, it won't well for you. I hope that you find your depression lifting as you continue the antidepressant, but stop drinking. I know how miserable depression is, and I hope you know there is a way out.

427

Thanks again, my friends. Didn't see a meeting during the day (except really early!!) or I would have been there. Went w/ my friend to this one a few weeks ago so at least have been there before and know what to expect. Well... kinda, lol!

Don't worry about the depression thing - not normally bad. Really think it's due to the drinking (and duh? kind of interferes w/ the effectiveness). No, I'm just beating myself up because I drank and left my car downtown the first night and came back to a ticket the next day, then drank and drove the following night. NOT a good sign. Also started smoking the cigarettes again, so I'm not "clinically depressed" or suicidal or anything - just kicking myself around some . Very much appreciate it, though - there was a day....

Will post when I get back after the meeting. Just want to say that when someone says they want you to check in later or the next day it's really comforting. Just sayin.... Thank all of you.

ford1967

427 I found this a great place to get help and support I am just 32 days sober and feel not like the old me because I am not sure what that was but a new person that likes ME.
Please keep posting it does get better

RobC420

Hope the meeting goes well and welcome to AZ. I'm in Mesa/Gilbert. I also need that "community" found in going to meetings and being with people face to face. I got in tight with a couple good groups in this area. I dunno where you are, but I'll send you a pm and let you know which ones. Enjoy the meeting!