paz00kie

Hello all, my name is Justin I'm 27 and me and my girlfriend recently chose to live sober off of everything (meth being our DOC) on August 27th. We had planned in doing this together but she has relapsed a few times since then and while it was mainly due to an ex boyfriend who was her trigger (he is out of the picture now) she is getting real down on herself about "ruining" her sobriety date and the importance of it (being the same as mine).
She feels she is doomed because that date can never be fixed and that she messed everything up and there's no point any more. She also states that the times she relapsed, she was trying more not to get caught then to get high and "wishes" she would have just got high because she feels she ruined her date for "nothing". She blames me for stating that even though she ruined her date, (really bad wording on my part but I really was trying to use other words but didn't think before I spoke, yes I know I eff'd up but have asked for forgiveness since then) we are still in this together. I was just trying to encourage her but that's behind us but she wishes I would have never pressed the issues, even though my intentions were positive, ultimately a big misunderstanding but the issue at hand is every time anything gets brought up about taking chips or what not, she goes into this "mode" where she feels like a complete failure and is in the "whats the point" mindset and wants to go get high.
She has been able to see passed that and take in to consideration our future, our families and everything else that gets effected and makes using "not worth it" but when in her mode all consideration goes out the door. I myself have always been able to see the "bigger picture" and only used for a year or 2 and stop easily but she has used for around 5 years straight and got completely hooked. I am just looking for advice on how to comfort her and encourage her that even though she made a mistake (we all do) she still has a future and a goal to be reached that holds many rewards and how getting down on herself doesn't do anything for her recovery.

zanzibar

Hi Paz. Nothing is messed up, everyone acts differently in this journey, just because she relapsed in my opinion is no reason to give up. Forget the date and trying to recover as a tag team. As I said everyone is different. It will be must easier to quit for each of your own desires and focus on recovery instead of focusing on maintaining the same sobriety date as each other. Sobriety dates mean nothing. Recovery is what's important here.

paz00kie

She's gone into one of her moods now and she is a whole different person demanding to leave to go pickup.do I stop her?

DoubleBarrel

You need to focus on yourself, and sadly, being around her is probably not in your best interest if she is not willing to commit to sobriety. Leave her alone, and no, don't stop her. Talk to her, but ultimately you each are on your own, harsh as that sounds. Good luck, I feel for you.

zanzibar

You can't control her actions or make her quit. It's obvious that although you may be ready, sadly I don't think she is yet. I think the "losing the same sobriety date" has given her the convenient excuse she needed to keep going. As DoubleBarrel said you have to focus on your own sobriety. There's also a friends and family forum on SR, and I bet you'll get a lot of ideas in deciding your next step there. My personal belief would be don't this damage your own sobriety.

Dee74

Hi and welcome PazOOkie

It's really hard to get clean and sober - it's even harder for a couple to get clean and sober I think.

It's commendable for you to worry about her recovery as well as yours but in my experience you just can't run someone elses race for them.

It just doesn't work like that.

Do you guys have any support outside yourselves?

I think it's good to have some outside support, a fresh perspective someone else to share the load and take the pressure off.

D