jennikate

WWG-the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking. You don't have to come into the first meeting with the first step already accomplished. I do understand that it's a mental hump to get over. It sounds like you want to want to go to meetings. KWIM? The whole thing just didn't fit the mental image of who I thought I was. Funny because neither did the drinking and the things that I did while drunk but I somehow got over it enough to do it. Funny looking back that I was embarassed to go to AA but not embarassed to be slowly drinking myself to death.
As for sponsorship, we do sit down weekly and work on the steps together but we also talk about life, philosophy, or whatever else. She has helped me immensely.
AA has made huge changes in my life well beyond not drinking. I am so grateful that I walked into that first meeting.

sugarbear1

AA was founded by working people (okay, the founders may have had difficulties in the end of their drinking, but it was for those with a problem who wanted to remain anonymous---read the history of AA). The word "anonymous" was quite important as no one wanted to be known outside the AA circle as being "an alcoholic." Anonymity is alive and well!

In the Washington DC/Northern Virginia/Maryland area there are many lawyers, judges, and other "Very Important People" who attend meetings. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help the newcomer.

My sponsor and I work together on the steps and on AA-related stuff. We also have great conversations about other things, too. I love sober gatherings. The honesty is absolutely incredible! Real relationships (friendships) do develop!

It's about fully human interaction. Too cool!

walkingwithgod

I tried to talk to my wife last night, but I think it was too late and she was exhausted. I said that my sobriety is working out great for her and my daughter, but it is immensely hard for me to do this. She said that she did not know what to tell me other than she is happy when I don’t drink. She said that maybe I need to go to AA. I am a broken record of fear and shame when it comes to AA. I have anxiety disorder that I am working on in therapy, and the thought of walking into the room freaks me out. The other part that I am scared or when it comes to AA is making “amends.” I have seen on TV and movies that you have to go around and apologize to all the people that you have hurt or ruined an event with. To be honest that really scares me. Anyway, I didn’t sleep at all last night. I just kept thinking what to do. Sorry to ramble, just lost and lacking any courage to walk through that door. Dealing with this without a program is not easy.

Sapling

Bottom line WWG....You're overthinking it and getting way ahead of yourself....You won't get anywhere like that...You've had suggestions given to you to call your locall AA number and set up someone to go to the meeting with you....Have you done that?....You have to learn to live in today.....My suggestion to you....Don't drink today and go to the next available meeting....And as my sponsor told me...I needed to grow up and get out of my comfort zone....Guess what?....He was right...All that overthinking was just wasting my time.

Dee74

WWG
Amends is a long way down the track...there's an order to the steps for a reason. Amends are near the end not the beginning.

I'm sorry this has gotten you so upset. People are suggesting AA because of the support and help - it actually makes things easier I think not harder - but it's your call.

As you say, it's a lot harder on your own, but that's achievable too.

I never went to AA but I made a promise I would if I drank again.

I worked hard and never drank again so I never had to hold myself to that promise.

I hope you won't have to either

D

tomsteve

heres a line form the big book that is hitting home with me this morning:

Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself. To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy.

i wish you the best, WWG.

walkingwithgod

I am so darn frustrated at this point. All I can think about is AA, but can’t bring myself to go.

Mark75

I don't have that anxiety thing, so it's hard for me to identify. Sure I get nervous in situations where it's normal... but I wasn't terrified with going, maybe a little concerned about who might be there, LOL... but rooms full of people, meh, if they seem friendly no big deal. You could call AA and ask them if there is someone you could meet there, or before... to accompany you.

But, WWG, you are all over the map in this thread... yesterday it was that you didn't seem ready to admit that you had lost control... and as you can see in the responses, you don't have to admit anything, even to yourself...

AA will always be there when you are ready. We would love to have you join us! Your recovery helps all of us to recover.

MIRecovery

Then do not go. You best friend alcohol will welcome you back with open arms. It will be only too happy to kill you but not before it destroys everything and everybody you love

Grace2

Hi again WWG

Definitely over thinking, definitely taking too much notice of what you've seen on t.v and definitely creating obstacles for yourself!!

Your wife thinks it's a good idea for you to go, you were worried about that yesterday, now today you're worried about walking in on your own in a room full of people.( which I can truly relate to. You can phone A.A and have a chat with them and like one of our friends here advised, someone would be more than happy to meet you or even pick you up and go in with you. You went to a concert last week where there must have been hundreds of people!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry, I don't mean that to sound harsh, just pointing out a fact.

To be honest, you don't have to go to A.A, you just need to do whatever is right for you. Maybe you're just not ready yet. Due to unforseen events that have happened in my life over the last couple of years I am unable now to go to meetings, which is why I am forever on here, as I need that support. Although I'm managing very well at the moment, I am forever aware that A.A will be there for me should my circumstances change in any way.

Whatever you decide I wish you luck. Keep posting and stick with us.We will always be here for you.

Gxxxxx

soberjim

Hey Matthew....Catching up on some posts...Lots of good advice here. (BTW Nice post Grace )

Dee makes a good point..Remember all these folks are posting because they want to help and support you! That is what SR is about.

I know you have been struggling with AA for a while. To you you have some real reasons for both wanting to go AA, and for not wanting to go to AA. Trust me I get it. I am very introverted don't deal well with crowds myself. Also, I understand the aspect that once you go you have 'admitted' to yourself you have a problem.

For what it is worth, given your thinking (or overthinking AA) one way to deal with it may be just to go. Jump into the water sort of speak. You may find it is right for you or may find out it is not. BUT you will know...

Whatever you choose to do WWG, keep posting. You have a supportive wife and have come a long way over these past several weeks. 11 days is something to be proud of.

Jim

outdoors

You and I are similar. I'm 30, married, have a child. I was doing things that made my home life difficult, but still existant. I tried to "manage" or quit drinking for about 8 years. When I finally had my moment of clarity, or bottom, or whatever term you want to use for it- I got online- I found SR and found the newcomers meeting closest to me. I went.

That was almost 2 months ago. I have been sober for the longest time in my life since I was 14 years old.

I was scared to go in, of course. But everyone there is in, or was in, the same boat you are in currently. You obviously need to reach out or you wouldn't be here. You will have the same anonymity at AA as you do here.

Just go, if you don't like it then don't go back. I'd bet you a dollar you find that the hardest part is to go in the first time. You don't have to talk, there isn't a secret handshake, you don't have to sign up or pay or pray or talk about your wife, or the things you've done, or anything. You only have to take 1 hour of your life and try out a new thing. I know I wasted more than that in the bottle- its about priorities. Once you get some momentum its easier- right now you are spinning your tires.

You might just find what you didn't know you were looking for gets said at a meeting. At my first meeting someone said something that stuck with me. I bet the same thing might happen to you. It can't if you dont walk in though.

And my group has good coffee.

Lost3000

This describes me to a T. And I forget how it was, even though it really wasn't that long ago. I was terrified to run into someone I knew. But like others have said, it's definitely a matter of getting over the hump.

Try a mind game, tell yourself you'll never see these people again. I do agree that once you go the first time, all this anxiety will be over with.

Everyone I know in AA worried about stuff far ahead of them, like the amends. But it's far off for you. I did my amends last month, and I didn't apologize to every single person I'd ever hurt, because that list would be just too long and I can't really recall every person anyhow. But I did apologize to three people, and it went far different than I had feared - which is a good thing.

This is why you get a sponsor, someone who will explain all this stuff to you and help you thru it. For now though, you gotta get to a mtg or a program because I believe you can only white knuckle it for so long before you drink again - besides, it's MUCH more comfortable on this side. I can tell you, I'm not a white knuckler at all.

WantToHeal

Again, my offer stands to come up to where you are and hit some meetings. You don't have to do this alone. Indeed, I am finding out that I CAN'T do this alone. Be well!

MegTheRunner

I hate crying. I don't like doing it, ever. I don't cry very much at all but there's something about AA meetings that makes me lose it. It's embarrassing for me so I don't go. I think about giving it another shot since maybe now I'm more strong. That is, I've been sober nearly 6 weeks now and maybe I've come to better terms with my sobriety. I don't really know why I break down, could it be that I'm finally facing my addiction head on? That the gravity and reality of it all hits me like a ton of bricks?? All I know is I don't like crying in front of people and that's why I haven't gone to more meetings. Lately though I've been thinking about how nice it would be to make new friends who are like me and trying to stay sober. I'm hoping my courage will build up and I'll go again. Thanks for listening, stay strong.

MIRecovery

Most meetings I go to have a few boxes of tissues around the room. I have seen a lot of tears shed including my own. Meeting are always emotional but that is part of the healing that is necessary. We all have deadend our emotions with booze for a long time and we are starting to feel again. Cry your eyes out it will do you good.

MIRecovery

That is a majorly cool offer. You are what service work is all about!!!!!!

Hexipuff

WWG- There has been loads of great advice on here, only you can decide which path to take.

Does your choice have to be AA? As has been said there are many other ways.
I know there is an online AA meeting on here too - why not try and join that. You know a lot of people here, we are all routing for you.

walkingwithgod

Would an OD meeting be okay for me to go to for my first time?

MIRecovery

Not sure what an OD meeting is? O usually stand for open but the D I not sure about