brighteyes88

I'm sure there are lots of us out there. It's said to be somewhat genetic which I believe but I'm also convinced that growing up with addiction makes an impact as well. It's interesting that some never go near drugs or alcohol and others end up exactly what we never wanted to be.

MrsKing

I didn't grow up with alcoholic parents - my parents drank occasionally and I can't remember them being drunk at all. My aunt has been an alcoholic ever since I can remember - I saw her drunk many times. My cousin (her daughter) lived with us from the age of 8 - 13 because of her mother's drinking. When I was about 17 or 18 my mum started drinking a lot, and now drinks at least a bottle of wine a day. My dad drinks every day - maybe 5 beers. My grandma drinks at least a bottle of wine a day. Alcohol seems to be everywhere in my family. I've been aware of alcoholism all of my life and the impact it can have on everyone. I started drinking alcoholically when I was 19 or 20. I'm so pleased I've stopped - I look at the people in my family who drink excessively and it makes me so sad.

However, my childhood was a good one and not made chaotic or unhappy through alcohol, so despite being anxious and upset by my mother's drinking now, I didn't have those concerns when I was younger and for that I am glad. My cousin spent her life (she died when she was 13) constantly worried about her mother and she saw things that no child should ever see.

ForMyGirls

My Mom was/is an alcoholic. Runs rampant on her side of the family, beginning with my Grandfather on that side. He was a Marine in the Pacific during WW2, was wounded/disabled, and used alcohol to numb himself to what he went through/saw over there I guess. He died when I was 12. He finally quit drinking 2 years before he died.

Between my Mom and her 5 siblings, everyone is pretty much either an alcoholic or recovering alcoholic (or dead). Many cousins on that side are bad off too... She quit for years, and then started drinking again "occasionally" a couple of years ago after my Dad retired. She seems to be managing her efforts at being a social drinker so far. I really hope it works out for her.

My Dad has always drank a few beers every night, but he is not what I would consider an alcoholic. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've seen him "drunk"...

That being said, I really did have an excellent childhood/upbringing, in spite of my Mom's drinking. I could not have asked for better parents or examples to live by (obviously aside from the drinking). They're wonderful Grandparents to my children now as well, and they know what I am going through now and are very supportive with my choice. They recognized a long time ago that I had a problem...

I'm one week in today!!!

IndaMiricale

Both my grandfathers were alcoholic and my father is alcoholic, and my mother is a herion addict. (recovering thankfully).

I have been around drugs and drinking my whole life. And I do believe its genetic also. I am 41 now and been in recovery for over a year. But it want them that made me drink I did all that on my own. I learned this in recovery. There is nothing or noone to blame but myself..

sweetlife

Isnt there another way to take responsibility without blaming???? I know that I beat myself up a lot more than is healthy that is part of the problem.

FreeFall

We have alcoholics on both sides of the family. I had a normal happy childhood, and don't feel dad's drinking had a negative effect on my life. The main thing is I learned you celebrate happy occasions with booze. Even though mom wasn't a drinker, holidays and family get togethers always featured booze. Hard to undo a lifetime of that but I'm trying

dSober

To me it's quite obvious that growing up in an alcoholic household has a tremendous impact on children. Children learn by watching those around them. They spend a lot of time with their parents, especially in the early years.

My alcoholism certainly contributed to my oldest daughter's abuse of alcohol. I feel tremendous guilt over this. It's been one, just one, cause of my many relapses. Thank Good (that's what I call my Power) she's living in a dry county in Texas now and I don't think she's gotten high in over a year. I speak with her several times a day. She has been in the hospital for almost 2 months now, for unrelated illness, but I believe Good will watch over her.

I don't think my 2 younger kids, 17 & 18 and living with me, are drinking. I hope it will stay that way and have faith it will, especially if I stay sober. The state removed them twice, the second time for over a year, because of my wife's and my drinking. Forunately they were able to stay most of it with my wife's brother, also in New Jersey now. They stayed in a foster home for 2 weeks, in an unpleasant neighborhood, before we could get them to their aunt & uncle's. My regret over that removal has been another source of my many relapses.

Does parental example contribute? Yeah, I think so; but it's only one, albeit major, factor. Genes and peer pressure are also factors.

Obladi

Both maternal grandparents, Paternal grandfather.
Five uncles, a cousin and a brother.

I wrote a paper on this for a college course, "Alcohol and Other Drug Abuse." This was when the study of ACOA was young (and so was I ). I had and still have this notion that there is something unique about socialization in a multi-generational alcoholic family. This is not to say there's not somethig unique/special/dysfunctional about any family (what's normal anyway?), but I guess my position was that families who rely on alcohol for coping do not do well at teaching their children how to be mature adults. And when this is passed through generations, it further confounds and complicates things.

Understanding these dynamics doesn't need to be "blaming," but it gives me some insight when I look at my own thought processes and behaviors.

dSober

Right you are Obaldi: "Know thyself". And of course the ever (un?)popular: "To thine own self be true".

youbetcha

Alcoholism/Codependancy runs rampant in my immediate family and back for generations on both sides. Lots of chaos growing up, and my drinking condoned from an early age as well(hey, kids drink in Europe right?). Early in my alcohol recovery I did a lot of ACA, therapy, and later Alanon along side the A.A. I'm the only member of my immediate family that's in "recovery" so I'm kind of the black sheep(or white sheep?), but I sense they respect me and care about me even though they can't figure me out, but that's OK. I know I frustrate them when I don't tow the party/family line, but they're used to it after 21+ years of this recovery stuff. I'll probably fly back "home" for Thanksgiving and watch the "fireworks," it always reminds me how far I've come, thanks.

DrunkTx

Obladi, I was going to post the same, only not quite as learned. I think what many of us miss when growing up in an alcoholic household is the "why". Every person I ever met who grew up in an alcoholic household was acutely aware of the problem, and seemingly swore off alcohol lest they end up like dad. Then a stressful situation pops up - or not even that stressful, but just anxiety inducing and the first thing we turn to? The bottle.

I have my own example of this. My father took ativan his entire life. When we were kids, he always told us it was because he had nightmares (the howling in your sleep kind). And throughout our life, we always thought dad was addicted to ativan that we knew nothing about except that he had a pharmacist hookup where he never got a prescription. Evil Dad, Evil Dad. In the last ten years, I have grown to recognize that I have huge anxieties - anxiety if I am not totally in control of my situation. Anxiety when applying for a mortgage, anxiety when disciplining my children, anxiety when my boss gives me feedback, anxiety when my wife is preoccupied with her mother. What did I do? I reached for the bottle. Coincidentally, whenever my dad used to get wrapped around the axel, what did he reach for? His ativan. Not until i got to this site 37 years into my life did I learn what Ativan was for.......my big aha! Part of my upbringing, what instilled in me was anxiousness of my surroundings, because that is what my parents felt. My dad reached for ativan (which now I understand to be clinically valid), I reached for Mr. Cabernet and Ms. Merlot.

In a nutshell - I think we spend too much time generalizing an alcoholic upbringing, and not investigating why everybody was drinking.

zanzibar

I grew up with alcoholic parents, but generic or not I don't blame them for my drinking. They never encouraged me to drink. I believe I'm responsible for my own actions and I started drinking on my own free will.

Dee74

for those who don't know, we also have a ACOA forum here:

Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

Mark75

My dad was alcoholic... he recovered and stayed sober 26 years before he died (too young @ 63) ... sober... My mom, I think really is not an addict or alcoholic, but she loved pot... she first shared a joint with me when a was 12. I grew up in the 60s and 70s and our house was definitely not what you saw on Leave it to Beaver or The Brady Bunch... LOLOLOL... I never felt unloved, but weekend long parties, swinging, loud music, peace marches, pot smoking, well stocked liquor cabinets, bottles of pills (speed), cannabis plants in the "garden" out back, skinny dipping with other families, drug addicts on the run from abusive husbands...all that... were part of my day to day life at home... I myself would wander around town at 12 and 13 trippin on acid and pot, they were easier for me to get, down by the university, than alcohol. My brother is in AA and sober for 28 years. My sister is, I guess, "normal" as is her life.

I rebelled (LOL) against all that when I graduated HS and put myself through college and graduate school and began my life and did my part, with my wife, to establish a very normal, nurturing family life, I even have the white picket fence, LOL... 4 awesome kids... all that... So, uh, WTF happened, that I found myself awash in shame and at a treatment center to begin the hard work of saving my career?

I don't blame anyone but myself. But I do believe that the childhood I had played an important role in everything about who I am. The good... and, well, the bad.

Pondlady

My paternal grandfather was an alcoholic. My Dad was, but has been sober since 1974.

I'm not sure what led my grandfather to drink, as things were pretty hushed up back then.

Blondie0419

Great posts, I have been thinking about the genetic aspect a lot today. I believe that I do have a genetic disposition to alcohol. I don't use it as a excuse for my behavior, because I am responsible for my own actions, but I do believe there is something different in my genetic makeup than someone who can drink alcohol in moderation. My dad is an alcoholic, but has been sober for 30 years, I do not remember him drinking since he stopped when I was just 1. He got into a car accident while drinking and after that he has never had a drink again. I had a very happy childhood and feel very lucky because my older siblings remember him drinking and had times where he let them down. In some ways I get mad at myself because I should have known better than to start drinking,. I have seen all the medical issues he has had to deal with from the car accident, and never thought I would end up here. Guess I had to learn this on my own too, just like he did. I have talked to him about my recovery, and my recent relapse, and he has been very supportive, so I am happy to have him to talk to.

PaperDolls

I don't really think about the genetic aspect much although I think there is some truth to it. I take responsibility for my actions and choices in life.

I was raised by two alcoholics. One sober and in AA recovery and the other active as a child. All of it most definitely had an impact on me. Some good, some bad.

My father has been sober for 40 years this year and my mother 9 years + or -.

MIRecovery

Grand Father, Grand Mother, Mother, Father, Brother

What is interesting in my case is my parents did not become alcoholic until latter in life. So I grew up in a non-alcoholic household but I became Alcoholic none the less. I believe this strenghens the arguement for the genetic component