when will it get better
 

I don't have the energy to even explain my situation. I relapsed last weekend on alcohol and cocaine, and have been depressed since then. no more pink cloud just hopeless depression, I feel like I wrecked my brain....I feel like no one cares, I try to sleep and I get overwhelming disturbing thoughts about the futility of life, I even feel like the people that love me the most don't care... I feel so alone.....so alone... so alone

For it to get better for me, I needed an extended period of abstinence Julius...

brief pockets of sobriety were undeniably good for me, but they weren't long enough for me to make the fundamental changes I needed to make in my head, my attitudes and my life in order to stay sober.

That why support was very important for me. Staying sober before the rewards come in is tough - you have to run on faith and trust that it will get better.

A lot of us find that tough going - that's why support - people to call on - is so important IMO.

D

i think sometimes it's really hard in the early stages of recovery, when your body and mind are so battered and bruised and your spirit is crushed and weary, to see the light. a lot of people getting off booze or drugs for the first few times float on the pink cloud but when you've relapsed a few times you get get exhausted and beat down. it does get better. you just need time to heal, physically, mentally and spiritually. you're not alone. at the very least, you have this wonderful community behind you, supporting you, rooting for you. we're not just text on a screen. we're actual people gathered together. we here for a reason and we're here for you so know that you're never really alone. none of us are. we are a fellowship.

A few months ago i relapsed on booze and coke as well. The stuff definitely alters your mindset and makes you feel like everything has gone to ****. But after two weeks of sobriety im already feeling a lot better. I screwed things up with friends, family, and my girlfriend by being a blacked out drunk *******. But in the end, they all still care. Hell, even the people on this site care lol.

The loneliness caused by alcohol is the most devastating loneliness I can imagine. It devastates all who are close to it.

I don't know how many times I googled "dealing with loneliness", only to find words that didn't relieve it at all. There is no way to describe the emptiness that feeling lonely leaves us with, it's like a hollow shell inside of us.

To my knowledge there is no special way to disspell the loneliness, however it can be dealt with. Sometimes that's all we can do. We deal with the struggles of life, and refocus our energies toward living life to the fullest.....from today forward. What happened last week is beyond our reach, but today is here and we can do better today. It only works that way, there is no other way to deal with it; loneliness, regret, shame, guilt, remorse, all can only be dealt with today, one day at a time.

In time, with great effort and determination, we begin to fill the void within us with approaches to life that work, we begin to fill up inside with joy for the opportunity to live today differently than we did yesterday. Then we become able to embrace the lonely times in our lives that allow us to fully enjoy the times of love and joy that we experience when we are with our significant others.

Loneliness is one place where love can begin, for when we learn to love ourselves, we are then able to love others as well.

Sorry to hear you're not doing so well Julius x I have suffered with those thoughts all my life and they didn't really go away early on, it takes time and effort. When I first quit I still had those feelings but I knew that alcohol made them worse and had been doing that my whole life. I just had to not drink and trust that things would get better. The one thing you should know is that you really are not alone. Sometimes people close to us find addiction issues very difficult to deal with but there are many of us out there who want you to get sober and see you right. Could you maybe go to a meeting or talk to you doctor about getting counselling? x

As others say , you really have to give yourself a good bit of sober time to get to a place where you belive you can make it . Me 9 months and I still consider this early days , but boy are things getting better .

I would like to second what Dee said, get back on the wagon and keep going,you felt better when you were sober. Embrace the awful feelings that you are experiencing,its life telling you enough is enough, time to change. Would the outcome have been better if you had a great time getting drunk or high.
Sooner or later we all had to face it, life without the cushioning effects of drugs or alcohol.
You are not alone, we are here for you as you are here for us.
Keep posting and reading, get a workable program.

Love
CaiHong