misterritter

I know the answer I will get from most people here to this question, so I guess I am just wanting to say this 'out loud' and see how it feels.

What is so much better about sober life? Its been about a week and a half for me so far. Last night I was so desperately lonely, didn't feel like doing anything, and didn't even feel like sleeping though it was past midnight. I so wanted to open that bottle of wine in the fridge that some friends gave to my wife and me that I was saving for a special occasion between us. And now I am pretty sure there will be no more special occasions between us except signing divorce papers (wow that was hard to write).

I know I can't go back to the way I was for the past couple of months, so right now I am torn. I don't want to give up the sober time I have (probably the longest in 17 years), but I (my beast) wants to spend the day getting trashed and then carry on without drinking for a couple of weeks or so until the opportunity presents itself again.

I guess I can't do that though.

Sometimes life just sucks and I want something to take away the suckiness. But, I guess that's just it: sometime life just sucks. And, if I think about it drinking life sucks more. Damn, that was not the conclusion I wanted to come to when I started this, but such is life.

Just have to learn to deal.

Zube

Everything.

Zube

misterritter

I can see from many people's post on SR that that statement is true for them. I am just trying to figure out what is true for me.

Charon

There is nothing so bad that drinking can't make worse.

desertsong

So many things in life get better ... your health, your attitude, your emotions ... but life is life and it doesn't magically become all sunshine and roses when you get sober. I wish it did! But I find that the problems of life are so much easier to manage sober than drunk. I simply could not function when I was drunk ... couldn't drive a car, couldn't fix meals, couldn't clean house, couldn't participate in family life ... even the smallest things felt overwhelming. I always felt horrible, both physically and emotionally. That's gone now and it is such a gift.

You are still early in sobriety and your body and brain are still healing from the effects of alcohol. Give it time. It gets better every day, but you have to be patient and let the process happen. And it will! I can tell you now that my WORST day sober is still way, way better than my best days drunk. It is a much happier way to live.

freshstart57

Being sober means that you get to listen to that small voice inside that appreciates joy, beauty and peace without the constant roar of shame, guilt and anxiety drowning it out. Maybe try and can hear it? I am sure it's there.

ricmcc

This is a diificult post to answer honestly, as my honest belief might might not be a palative, and I honestly have no desire to increase your pain. I know that I sought and seek sobriety not at all in any belief that it would magically cause my problems to go away; I did not expect it to, so was not dissappointed in that regard. I did have a hope that in not drinking I might be able to get off my bum and aadress my problems, that is, do something about them other than remain drunk an imagine a life without problems. In this, I have not been dissappointed, by which I mean that be putting myself in a position to chip away at any number of problems, they seem to become of a more managable size, and have therefore become issues that I can concieve of tackling----no magic there, just a bunch of hard work. I have only been without drink since Apr. 30th of this year, so am still in early recovery, but I can say that life does seem much more enjoyable now, perhaps espesially in my relationships, perhaps in my sense of more positive self regard. Unlike you, I was not burdened with pre-cognitive gifts, so I have no idea exactly how "most people will react to this post" I do wish you well, tho, and do hope that you grant yourself a bit more than 9 non-drinking days before coming to any firm conclusions. I am going to seeing if spending the rest of my days will allow me to draw any valid conclusions. At any rate, all the best to you, and please try not to give up before giving an honest effort---Rick

Happier

Sorry you are having a rough go of it. It can get better.
Do you have a plan of recovery? Just wondering if you are seeking other means of help and support. As many have said, there is a big differenct between 'not drinking' versus being truly 'sober'.
In my case, drinking was only a symptom that was used to cover up real root causes. I believe learning what those real root causes are and then dealing with them without drinking is the key to making life seem less sucky. That may be why so many of us need help. Our own minds aren't very good at recognizing or dealing with these issues or we probably wouldn't have found ourselves in our addiction. Scary thing is that addiction further dimenishes our capacity to see things clearly and can quickly spiral us down the road of progression.

Sorry to ramble. Just typing from my experience for what it is worth. I can honestly say that my life is truly better now. Tough scary road though with several failures. We just can't give up!

misterritter

I definitely know I have other issues and am in therapy working on them. The reason I quit was because I could definitely see how drinking had hurt me in the past: physically, emotionally, and in relationships with others.

I can, I think, still see times that drinking did not hurt me and those are what I miss. I don't think I can have one without the other, though, which is why I quit and remain committed to quitting.

Just having a crappy couple of days I think.

Thanks for all of the support.

dSober

You're right about that Misterritter, "drinking life sucks more".

What you might not yet know, is how much more... Take it from who's been there: Drinikng life sucks a lot more, MUCH, MUCH MORE. And the longer it goes on, the worse it gets. MUCH, MUCH WORSE.

There are many here who will tell you the same thing. Listen to them. They know from experience and want to help you avoid the misery that they all know will follow you down the drinking path.

Anna

It's not about the 'not drinking'. It's about the other changes you make in your life. That's what recovery is about.

I started taking long walks after supper. That helped me feel physically better and improved my outlook on life, in general. I paid attention to my neighborhood, to the beauty around me and really appreciated it. I learned to say 'No' without giving a reason or apologizing and it felt enormously freeing. I learned to stop controlling my family and my life because it was driving me crazy.

cfm

true story:
This guy told me he could not stop drinking because he just couldn't imagine himself not being able to have a drink at his daughters wedding. He did not have a daughter.

Sobersunshine

Hi mist, I am new to recovery (just over a month) so I have no words of wisdom, really, others have shared some wise words. I just wan to say I know exactly how you feel. Exactly. I had a rough weekend last week and just kind of white knuckled it. I'm really glad now that I did not choose to drink at that time. What helps me at these times is just reminding myself that a drink will not make anything better (only take away the pain very temporarily) and will most likely make things much worse. I also told myself that I could always drink tomorrow if I had to, but I wasn't going to drink today. Repeat when tomorrow comes. One day at a time really helps me. Hang in there. Life just sucks sometimes, sober or drunk. But you'll never regret not drinking. Wish I had more magic answers! But I really have to believe that life gets better with sobriety.

Also, for those of us newly sober, our poor brains and bodies are going through a lot of adjustments. I'm having crazy moods swings, going from euphoria to depression to bla to feeling just ok, all in one day! I have to let my emotions even out, which takes time. Right now my reflexive reaction to any problem big or small is, "I need a drink.". I don't need a drink. I need to feel the emotion and deal with it sober. Even if dealing with it means a little pity party. Lol.

Are you in AA? Meetings, big book, listening to speakers on my iPad all help me greatly.

Tell the beast to f off. He's not going to win.

Congratulations on your sobriety!

dSober

Lol cfm. Yeah, we all become liars but not necessarily good ones.

misterritter

Yeah that's where I am at. The other day I started my commute down to NYC in great spirits and by the time I got there I was pissed (and only a little because of traffic). Then as I was leaving to come home, it was all I could do not to start crying on the walk back to my car. And I had some very dark thoughts on my way home.

I guess, especially at this point, I need to accept that I am not going to drink. I have done that, as I think about it. I also need to accept that some days life just sucks. That is the part I am still working on.

As I have thought about it, the thing about yesterday was I feel like I did everything right and as I should have but still ended the day lonely and depressed. I was active, accomplished things I wanted to and still ended up feeling like crap. That is what felt so bad. But just another thing to learn to accept about life.

So, time to accept and move on.

Thanks for all of the words of encouragement from everyone. I hope to be able to return the favor some day.

MythOfSisyphus

There will be $hitty days, drunk or sober. But if you keep drinking the crappy ones will become more and more frequent, and you'll keep finding new things to lose. Sobriety is something you have to choose, something that's ultimately selfish: it's for you. I guess I've been approximately where you are now, and I admit it sucks. Once my wife left there really wasn't anything I could do for her, that ship had sailed. But not just saying this, it honestly gets better.

misskris

If ANYTHING bad happens now or a situation I cant handle I just say to myself "at least im not hungover" HAHA I lived about 95% of my life hungover and the other 5% drunk. When you are constantly feeling ****** and well just not normal, it makes life so much easier. It took me a good 6 months to realize this and for my brain chemistry to level out again but once I arose out of the "alcoholic fog" I felt like a kid again! I didn't have to be drunk to have fun, I could remember every conversation I was having, I lost weight, I made good honest friends, I could hold down a job and pay bills no problem! Its true there are still crappy days but now my crappy days are a little hiccup where as before one bad day would send me on a huge drinking binge and make me very depressed and want to say screw the world. Now I just say "dammit that sucked, moving on!" lol

firestorm090

After reading your question, I wondered when was the last time you looked in the mirror and liked what you see? That is the true essence of recovery, changing to the extent that we actually like who we are and where we are in life. When it is said that success is an inside job, it is true.

Changing your life to save your marriage doesn't work, for I know how d*mned hard I tried. Trying to salvage a job that you've destroyed doesn't work either, nor does changing to save friendships. Okay, it does help to change for health reasons, but then again how many alcoholics, like me, gave a hoot about my health when I wanted a drink? Not many.

So the conclusion is that we can only recover to save ourselves, and by doing so, we have a chance to change our life and the lives of those we love and care for. By becoming a new person, from the inside out, life takes on new meaning. Many of us think of fantasies and try to make our lives meet the fantasy, while the real answer is to face reality and make that reality into the best reality we can. That's what sobriety allows us to do.

Dee74

Hi MrR

I was a really impatient person...I wanted everything *now*...years of immediate gratification with the bottle did not help.

But I had to remember - I spent 20 years drinking - it was crazy to think I'd get used to not drinking in a week, or two, or even a month....

It's a long haul...and some days are rough...if it was easy everyone would just quit and we wouldn't need SR

Like Anna says I found just not drinking was just the tip of the iceberg for me. Recovery is about working out who I want to be and how I want to live and doing that

what makes it worth it for me?

I can look myself in the eye in the mirror again.
I love my life and I like who I am.

Those things are priceless to me - and they all started with me not drinking.

D

DisplacedGRITS

i think one of the nicest things about my sober life has been my relationship with myself. i'm able to be alone and at peace with who i am. i've lost self hatred and self loathing. i've found pride in myself and i genuinely like myself for who i am. the longer i'm sober, the more i want to get to know me and find out more about myself. what IS my spiritual life like? i'm exploring that. what DO i like to do? i'm discovering new hobbies and interests in my life. i'm learning that while i'm sober, i'm better able to be of service to my fellow people and that makes me happy and like myself even more. and i couldn't be doing all this if i wasn't living a sober life. learning to live with me, love me and share my kindness with everyone i come in contact with. that's just part of what's so great about sober living.