positivelady67

Hi Guys

Just wanted some advice, I am just over 6 months sober and things are much better for me, but the old behaviours of isolating and finding things overwhelming (simple tasks) are still there. I will make plans to get together with friends only to want to get out of it on the day. I did this all the time when I was drinking and blamed it on wanting to drink without others seeing me get drunk.

I actually enjoy my time alone but think its a bad thing to want to have my own time. I work full time and spend lots of time with my married daughter and 2 grandsons and when I am alone in my flat I do enjoy it. Should I worry? Also the day to day tasks of cleaning my flat get me down a bit again like it did when I was drinking. I seem to lack motivation, I am not attending AA at the moment due to a knee infection but don't feel this has hinder me one bit. My thoughts are that in the past I was depressed and it went untreated and its still lurking even without the drink.

Please guys I valve all your opinions, have any of you felt the same and if so what did you do to change it.

Thanks

Ally
x

DisplacedGRITS

i get overwhelmed with cleaning tasks a lot. i've found my best way to tackle them is to break a room down into quadrants and clean it like that. i designate an area in the room where i can make piles for things that need to go in other rooms (stuff in my place tends to wander from room to room). so i clean quadrant by quadrant and take a short break between if i need to. it helps for me to listen to music or a radio show too 'cause i can't take silence. i really enjoy listening to shows like This American Life or RadioLab. they make the time pass quickly and i'm entertained while i'm doing my task. same thing for cleaning my kitchen (ugh, i HATE cleaning my kitchen but i love to cook! such a Catch 22 there!).

i think we still want to isolate even when we're sober and doing fine because it's what we've become used to. we isolate a lot in early recovery too because of all the crazy emotions we're going through and mood swings and because we might not be secure enough in our sobriety to be around people who don't know what's going on. i think it's an important step in our sobriety to start associating with people again. you don't have to be a social butterfly or anything but keep some of those social engagements. just like when you first quit drinking, it's going to be a bit difficult and feel kinda strange at first but the more you do it, the more you'll settle into it and the more comfortable you'll feel. i'm trying to get there too. much like you, i am very happy being by myself and i like being alone. but i recognize that there's something missing in my life. lunch with a girlfriend. hanging out with someone who isn't your spouse (in my case). my life feels so complete except for this big, gaping social hole and that's just not right. people need friends. so in my humble opinion, give it a shot!

trikuza

Ever since sobriety, i have been spending a lot more time cooped up in my room, watching movies. You really shouldnt think of it as a bad thing. Instead of going out all the time, you can listen to your own thoughts for once. Your best friends will learn to understand that you need some time off from going out, your crappier friends might not understand.

MrsKing

I'm just over six months too, and though my depression has gone almost entirely, I do get days every now and again where I want to hide away from the world and like you, find normal everyday tasks overwhelming. My way of dealing with this now is to understand that I'm having a bad day, not berate myself over it, and know that it is going to pass. There's nothing wrong with wanting alone time, either - I cherish my alone time!

Threshold

When you do keep the dates you made with friends, are you enjoying the time or are you wishing you were back home alone all the time?

Since you've experienced depression before and recognize that this may be more of it, perhaps seeing a therapist might be a good idea, at least to get a better handle on what's going on and whether or not something needs to be done about it.

hypochondriac

I could have written your post Ally. I feel exactly the same. I'd recommend having a chat with your doctor about this. I have some medical issues which contribute to feeling lethargic, but I also think I might have some underlying depression which needs looking at. Or maybe this is just normal sobering up stuff. Only time will tell I guess. In the mean time I am trying to do more because I do think it makes me feel better. I try to keep a balance if I can. I keep a journal of how I am feeling too which should help sorting it out with the doc x

emhow2

I'm the same way. If you're worried you'll start drinking bc of it, then yes it's a bad thing, if you are depressed bc you have 'no friends' then yes it's a bad thing...but if you genuinely enjoy time alone, why worry?! I'm a stay at home mom and honestly would rather stay in coloring and watching movies and eating Dino nuggets rather than go out with my friends (but I really don't have any I like to hang out with...so) you also say you have a lack of motivation though...just read that. If you feel uninterested and down you might just want to go talk it out with a therapist, especially if that's not how you were pre-alcohol.

notsleeping

Good advice i struggle with that too.

Blondie0419

Listen to your own thoughts for once - so true! I have noticed I have tried to keep myself super busy, or drunk, to not listen to that voice inside my head for some reason. I think it is so good to take time to listen to your own thoughts, thanks for sharing, a good reminder I need to do this more!

onlythetruth

Ally,

I don't think there's anything at all wrong with wanting your alone time. Perhaps, like me, you are an introvert and need that alone-time to recharge your emotional batteries!

Of course, though, there's a difference between needing that alone time and truly isolating yourself from society. Self-isolation is not a good thing. The trick is to know the difference between isolation and the normal need for alone time that introverts all have to some degree.

I've been known to isolate at times, and I've found there's a real qualitative difference between that and the simple need for alone time. It's actually quite easy to tell: when I'm isolating I feel lonely and afraid. When I'm not, my alone time gives me a sense of peace.

Anna

PositiveLady, I enjoy and need time alone too. It might not be for everyone, but for me it works. Balance is very important. I work in the public and deal with people all day long. My daughter, son-in-law and two young grandchildren live nearby and gladly take up a lot of my time. So, I am careful about plans that I make. I don't isolate, but I am not as social as I used to be and my alone time has helped my recovery a lot.

dSober

Wow, you raise some important issues.

In my experience, substance abuse, and early recover will frequently cause isolationism and a strong feeling of being overwhelmed. Sounds to me like you've already defeated much of it. You're working, spending time with your family and posting here. I belive meetings are important too. I haven't gone in over a year but am going to a very local one tomorrow night to reconnect with a lot of old friends. I'm on day 27 now. This last, was not, by far, my only relapse.

The old timers (many years) all tell me it gets better and better. There are many of them at meetings and right here. I believe them. You should too. Keep fighting. Recovery is different for everyone. One thing we have in common though is a world wide support group to help us. Keep using it to save yourself from what you know awaits you if you don't.

positivelady67

When I get home I think ok I did enjoy that, sometimes when I am actually at out I want to come home.

I am going to see my GP next week and see what they say.

positivelady67

Thank you for your post, I am going to see my GP as I really do think that I have depression and have had for some time and its been totally untreated. Good idea about the journal, again I started one and lost the motivation to keep writing it.

Good luck with your recovery