lost myself
 

I am only on day 4 clean but I am already starting to realize how much I have lost myself. I turned into something that just isn't fun to be around. I feel like I am dumbed down from the drugs and it is hard to focus and express myself properly. I even have to double check if I spelled some of the words correctly lol. The way I was acting while I was using was very embarrassing and I just didn't see it all these years until now. I really wasn't being myself. Even down to the way I dress and talked to people. I came off like..just not me. I am glad now that I am starting to realize this though and will make the changes that are neccessary. Just needed to vent. I'm sure you all know what I mean and have been through at least some of what I am saying. thanks for listening.

Good to read your post, and keep up the day count.
I know for me, I can't believe how long I numbed myself with alcohol. Wish I had stopped it earlier, before some of those last awful months, but just glad I'm not doing it anymore.

Did you have a chance to look into AA or some other support system to help you along?

yeah I do plan on going back to AA/NA when I stop feeling sick.

AJ-I understand that feeling of loss of self. My alcoholism turned me into someone I don't know, as well.

41 days sober and I have a long journey ahead of me...I'm looking at my sobriety as a rebirth. Not only will I rediscover the person that I was, I will find that someone I've always wanted to be.

The song by Rascal Flatts just popped into my head, "Life is a Highway...I want to ride it all night long"...

Life is too short and I am so ready to start living it again. Congrats on 4 days sober!

You talk about making the changes that are neccessary. That's how you do it.....Hope you feel better soon and congrats on 4 days!

I'm glad you're here and working on your recovery.

I can relate!! It gets better. I was just starting to be able to eat at 4 days I think. The meetings help a lot.

AJ that's the best part of being sober for me-getting myself back and acting in a way that I recognize. Starting to enjoy things I used to like-swimming, reading, crafts, cooking-things I never had time for while drinking. It did take quite awhile for it to start coming together so hang in there!

My night vision, spelling, and math skills have improved after just two and a half months. Kind of a cool result I wasn't expecting.

Withdrawl sucks big time. The only blessings are that it's because you're taking the first step and it's short.

The longer term problem is all mental. You're in the right place. Keep coming back. Everyone here, and at local brick and mortar meetings, can relate.

Oh man stairs, you can say that again: "... the whole family gets to play.

I'm grateful today that my daughter will find me here, at Sober Recovery, when she comes home from school in about an hour, rather than passed out drunk on the sofa, bed, floor, whatever.

Congrats on your 4 days! I know exactly what you mean about not being the real you. I didn't know it either until I got sober - it felt like my soul started coming back. It was there all along - I'd just covered it up with alcohol.

It keeps getting better, too. You're going to love being the new (old) you!

welcome A :)

You will find yourself again - I promise. It's been one of the great gifts of recovery for me :)

D