17 days.. 1st attempt.. Roller coaster ride..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Honolulu Hawaii
Posts: 9
17 days.. 1st attempt.. Roller coaster ride..
This is my first post and first attempt at sobriety. I didn't really know the extent of my problem until I decided to stop drinking and the cravings kicked in. Alcoholism kind of snuck up on me over the last two years, I've always known that I don't drink like a normal person.. I don't have the voice that says "stop you've had enough already" I also have clinical depression and over the last year was using alcohol to irresponsibly self medicate instantly and escape. I was arrested last June for DUI (not convicted yet ). You would have thought that would have been the turning point, but instead my drinking increased to deal with the stress.. I knew things were bad when I started drinking my hangovers away..
The worse thing about the drinking though, is that it opened the door for things I would never consider doing sober like cocaine and extasy. I almost lost my job over it.. Long story short I went on a 2 day binge of cocaine and jack Daniels, and mouthwash.. I was drinking f*cking mouthwash.. I think it was kind of a passive suicide attempt. I ended up in the psych ward, and that was the last straw for me. It's an absolute miracle I did not drink the following 2 days after I got released from the hospital because on top of everything I faced job loss, and all kinds of drama from my current living situation. The stress was gut wrenching and the craving to relieve it with alcohol was beyond immense.
But I got through it.. Without alcohol.. It's been 17 days since cocaine and mouthwash day. I'm on proper medication now and am choosing a new life of sobriety... It's been crazy though on days 4 and 5 I had hatred and contempt for alcohol for the havoc it's wreaked on my life.. But today my mind is messing with me saying things like " oh look you stopped for this long, you're obviously not an alcoholic" and "just stick to beer you'll be ok" and "just have a drink on special occasions like new year's eve, or your birthday" And a slew of other rationalizations.. I have to learn to shut those thoughts down.. I want to turn my life around and that's not going to happen if alcohol is still a part of it.
Thanks for letting me vent..
The worse thing about the drinking though, is that it opened the door for things I would never consider doing sober like cocaine and extasy. I almost lost my job over it.. Long story short I went on a 2 day binge of cocaine and jack Daniels, and mouthwash.. I was drinking f*cking mouthwash.. I think it was kind of a passive suicide attempt. I ended up in the psych ward, and that was the last straw for me. It's an absolute miracle I did not drink the following 2 days after I got released from the hospital because on top of everything I faced job loss, and all kinds of drama from my current living situation. The stress was gut wrenching and the craving to relieve it with alcohol was beyond immense.
But I got through it.. Without alcohol.. It's been 17 days since cocaine and mouthwash day. I'm on proper medication now and am choosing a new life of sobriety... It's been crazy though on days 4 and 5 I had hatred and contempt for alcohol for the havoc it's wreaked on my life.. But today my mind is messing with me saying things like " oh look you stopped for this long, you're obviously not an alcoholic" and "just stick to beer you'll be ok" and "just have a drink on special occasions like new year's eve, or your birthday" And a slew of other rationalizations.. I have to learn to shut those thoughts down.. I want to turn my life around and that's not going to happen if alcohol is still a part of it.
Thanks for letting me vent..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Welcome to SR, Islandboy, and congratulations on your 17 days. You've found a fantastic place here - tons of support from kind people who want to help.
I think everyone gets those "look how long you've been sober, you're clearly not an alcoholic" thoughts, and that voice that tells us "just have one on special occasions" seems pretty common, too. I know that I've had those thoughts. It's all lies though... I'm sure you know that... you already said that you don't have the cut off point like normal drinkers do, and that's why it's so important to remember that the voice telling you that you can just have one is not to be believed. I love SR for the very reason that it reminds me daily that there is never going to be a day when I can just have one. So many try and so many fail at that, and being here really helps in serving as a reminder that sobriety is a forever thing for me. So I hope you stick around because this place is wonderful.
Stay strong - you can do this!
I think everyone gets those "look how long you've been sober, you're clearly not an alcoholic" thoughts, and that voice that tells us "just have one on special occasions" seems pretty common, too. I know that I've had those thoughts. It's all lies though... I'm sure you know that... you already said that you don't have the cut off point like normal drinkers do, and that's why it's so important to remember that the voice telling you that you can just have one is not to be believed. I love SR for the very reason that it reminds me daily that there is never going to be a day when I can just have one. So many try and so many fail at that, and being here really helps in serving as a reminder that sobriety is a forever thing for me. So I hope you stick around because this place is wonderful.
Stay strong - you can do this!
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Welcome to SR Islandboy,
My poisons were the ones you just mentioned. Spirits and cocaine. They say the first month is the hardest month you will do in sobriety but obviously it does depend on the individual. Are you beginning to see the clarity that cocaine was shielding. I felt weird at about 3 weeks. After my body had purged the last of the drug out and my mind was beginning to get back to how it would have been years earlier. It's not fully there now but it is getting there.
The addict and alcoholic in our head fills us with complacency. It's ok to use. You're fine. They're all common lines fed to us by our head. In my situation I know I cannot use or drink anymore. Whenever you get an urge to use or drink sit down for five minutes. Now spend some time thinking of all the bad things that have happened as a result of your drug and alcohol abuse. If you do this every time you get a craving eventually you end up retraining your mind to just associate negative stuff with your cravings. They don't go away but it does get better.
Congratulations on your 17 days sober. It's weird isn't it. Having some clean time when you can't even remember being able to go a couple of minutes without racking up another line. Have you got a support network or are you following a program of recovery like NA/AA?
Natom.
My poisons were the ones you just mentioned. Spirits and cocaine. They say the first month is the hardest month you will do in sobriety but obviously it does depend on the individual. Are you beginning to see the clarity that cocaine was shielding. I felt weird at about 3 weeks. After my body had purged the last of the drug out and my mind was beginning to get back to how it would have been years earlier. It's not fully there now but it is getting there.
The addict and alcoholic in our head fills us with complacency. It's ok to use. You're fine. They're all common lines fed to us by our head. In my situation I know I cannot use or drink anymore. Whenever you get an urge to use or drink sit down for five minutes. Now spend some time thinking of all the bad things that have happened as a result of your drug and alcohol abuse. If you do this every time you get a craving eventually you end up retraining your mind to just associate negative stuff with your cravings. They don't go away but it does get better.
Congratulations on your 17 days sober. It's weird isn't it. Having some clean time when you can't even remember being able to go a couple of minutes without racking up another line. Have you got a support network or are you following a program of recovery like NA/AA?
Natom.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,352
welcome aboard Islandboy 
I pushed the boat right out...and yet like you I found myself arguing with myself that maybe I could do it again...
we both know we can't - and you'll find a lot of wisdom and support here to help
Congratulations on your turning it around and on your 17 days
D
I pushed the boat right out...and yet like you I found myself arguing with myself that maybe I could do it again...
we both know we can't - and you'll find a lot of wisdom and support here to help
Congratulations on your turning it around and on your 17 days
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Honolulu Hawaii
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by Natom 
Welcome to SR Islandboy,
My poisons were the ones you just mentioned. Spirits and cocaine. They say the first month is the hardest month you will do in sobriety but obviously it does depend on the individual. Are you beginning to see the clarity that cocaine was shielding. I felt weird at about 3 weeks. After my body had purged the last of the drug out and my mind was beginning to get back to how it would have been years earlier. It's not fully there now but it is getting there.
The addict and alcoholic in our head fills us with complacency. It's ok to use. You're fine. They're all common lines fed to us by our head. In my situation I know I cannot use or drink anymore. Whenever you get an urge to use or drink sit down for five minutes. Now spend some time thinking of all the bad things that have happened as a result of your drug and alcohol abuse. If you do this every time you get a craving eventually you end up retraining your mind to just associate negative stuff with your cravings. They don't go away but it does get better.
Congratulations on your 17 days sober. It's weird isn't it. Having some clean time when you can't even remember being able to go a couple of minutes without racking up another line. Have you got a support network or are you following a program of recovery like NA/AA?
Natom.
My poisons were the ones you just mentioned. Spirits and cocaine. They say the first month is the hardest month you will do in sobriety but obviously it does depend on the individual. Are you beginning to see the clarity that cocaine was shielding. I felt weird at about 3 weeks. After my body had purged the last of the drug out and my mind was beginning to get back to how it would have been years earlier. It's not fully there now but it is getting there.
The addict and alcoholic in our head fills us with complacency. It's ok to use. You're fine. They're all common lines fed to us by our head. In my situation I know I cannot use or drink anymore. Whenever you get an urge to use or drink sit down for five minutes. Now spend some time thinking of all the bad things that have happened as a result of your drug and alcohol abuse. If you do this every time you get a craving eventually you end up retraining your mind to just associate negative stuff with your cravings. They don't go away but it does get better.
Congratulations on your 17 days sober. It's weird isn't it. Having some clean time when you can't even remember being able to go a couple of minutes without racking up another line. Have you got a support network or are you following a program of recovery like NA/AA?
Natom.
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
Aloha Islandboy. You're in the right place brah.
I can tell you, from my own experience, that Listerine not only tastes like crap, and feels like crap in your stomach, it'll turn your crap blue/green.
Like I said, you're in the right place.
The sooner you stop getting high, using whatever, the easier your life will be. It can get much, MUCH worse if you let it.
I can tell you, from my own experience, that Listerine not only tastes like crap, and feels like crap in your stomach, it'll turn your crap blue/green.
Like I said, you're in the right place.
The sooner you stop getting high, using whatever, the easier your life will be. It can get much, MUCH worse if you let it.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome IslandBoy and congrats on 17 days!
I'm glad you found this forum - it helped me turn my life around. In the first weeks/months, the cravings come and go and it really helped to come here every day, like MrsKing said, to stay motivated and keep those irrational thoughts from taking hold again.
We're essentially retraining our brains and it takes a little time, but it's worth it!
I'm glad you found this forum - it helped me turn my life around. In the first weeks/months, the cravings come and go and it really helped to come here every day, like MrsKing said, to stay motivated and keep those irrational thoughts from taking hold again.
We're essentially retraining our brains and it takes a little time, but it's worth it!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
