sinker123

Hey Everyone,

I have 61 days and my daily meeting at 12:15 made feel like I am totally failing at this program...We had a 90 day speaker and she was so happy and is turning things around with new friends in sobriety that I feel like such a failure.

I have been going to meetings and working at a good clip with my sponsor (at step 8) but I don't really take part in any kind of fellowship. And I really think that is one component of this program that will really make me feel like I am moving forward. I need sobriety to include friendships and while I have met people and I get calls I don't feel like I have a circle of friends...I feel like a failure not becasue the circle doesn't exist but because I don't take strides toward it. I literally have zero confidence anymore and talking to girls especially is near impossible. Where I use to have no problem (even when I was sober when younger I could approach girls) no I have huge issues....Its so hard to me to speak to people as I am constantly thinking they will end up not liking me and I will fail at building the relationship....

Any insight would help..

Anna

It sounds like you're working hard on your recovery, so be proud of yourself for achieving 61 days sober.

I'm not an AA person, but I know that all the components of my recovery didn't fall into place right away. Some things take longer to work out. I think trying to form friendships with sober people is a great idea, and if you're nervous talking to girls, stick with the guys for now. Your self-confidence will improve as your recovery continues.

soberjim

sinker123....61 days in. I'm on day 2 after many day 1's. From where I'm at, are you ever a success! One thing to be sure about, drinking alcohol will not help you in the long run.

Wish you the best.

Jim

bbthumper

There is a great promise in the book. It tells us that "you must remember that your real reliance is always upon Him. He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave."

Your working the steps. That's beautiful. You are building a relationship with the most important friend you will ever have. Trust that as you continue this process the above promise will materialize for you. He or (She or It) will show you how to create the fellowship you crave. Don't for a second believe you are a failure. That's your ego screaming because you are doing exactly what you should be.

MIRecovery

Sometime quickly some times slowly. They will alway materialize if we work for them.

You are doing great!!!! Your brain is in the process of unscrambling it's self give yourself a break!

I have found coming early and leaving late helped me feel part of the program. I also discovered that if I reached out to people they reached out to me. I thought friendship was something I should get but I discovered it is something earned

waynemali

Mate,

61 Days is fantastic, you are certainly not a failure.

I've kept a daily journal through my recovery, I just read my 61st Day, i had a bad day a bit of low really, but I wrote this at the bottom of the page:


Today marks 28 weeks for me and life is good, it get better I promise you.

Keep the faith and keep your chin up your doing so well.

UR>
Wayne

cfm

Don't try to get to well to fast. You'll end up getting sicker quicker without liquor. Just let it unfold

awuh1

Sinker, there are times when making comparisons with others is just not fair. We all start the journey of sobriety (and life for that matter) with somewhat different assets and liabilities. Appropriate comparisons are more along the lines of noticing differences between where you were yesterday, (or a week, a month or year ago) and where you are today.

If you sincerely attempt to bring more to a friendship than what you take away from it, you will have no shortage of friends.

Dejvice

61 days is by no means a failure. Everybody has his/her own way. What you want achieve in the program will come in its own time. You as a person must be doing something right to get so far. And for sure a lot of people on this site would love to achieve what you have achieved and will continue to achieve.

Mark75

Identify with others... don't measure yourself against them... that's just your ego, as was mentioned above. It can make you think all sorts of crazy shiite. Crazy stuff like... you are a failure... You are not.

Relax. 61 days is awesome and I am proud of you, I am proud of any alcoholic doing the hard work of getting sober! But 61 days is still early sobriety, and last I heard, early sobriety still sucks... Hang in there, stay close to your sponsor, work those steps... and have faith... it does get better, sooooo much better.

Hollyanne

If 61 days is failing, there are a lot of people who wouldn't mind failing right along with you!

Sobriety is not measured in the number of friends, numbers, coffee dates etc accumulated. I know many people who started off the life of the party in AA and forgot the program!
You are right where you are supposed to be. No rush at all.

As someone before me suggested above, go early, stay and clean up. That way, you meet those doing service and can have less stress meeting people.

You are doing great!!!!!

CaiHong

Sinker 123,
Lots of sound insights, can't add much more than to say you are doing great, keep going and your best friend is your HP.
Love
caiHong

missingtheoldme

I agree with caihong...lots of great stuff to listen to...congrats on day 61...I am day 11 and you are a god to me. you will figure it out just you have this so far. Be easy on yourself and kinder you deserve that . hug

DisplacedGRITS

do you have any hobbies or other outside activities? i'm kind of in the same pickle. i've got 7 months but i haven't really made the effort to go out and meet any new people. i think AA is great and all but i want to make friends that aren't just all gathered together in the spirit of sobriety. i'd like to make friends who share other interests. for me, that is very difficult as i'm not sure how to get involved. i'm looking into volunteering, maybe joining a knitting group or painting group or finding another community group activity in my area. the thing is, don't limit yourself to just AA meetings to find friends as long as you're committed to your sobriety in other social circles.

Threshold

Someone told me to not judge my insides by someone else's outsides.

ErraticEuphoria

61 days sober is A pretty huge feat. Than it itself is a monumental accomplishment. Please don't beat yourself up and feel like you're failing at anything. I can sort of relate to you though. It use to **** me off when people would be at 20 days sober and they just seemed like their life was already being completely turned around, and I'd be at 3 months and still felt like I was being skull dragged.
Where we're all in the same boat early in recovery, not everyone is in the same position as others in life. Some people hit lower rock bottoms than others, and some like myself didn't have support set up immediately as to where I noticed others seemed like they already had 45 people they trusted and could rest their head on. What helped me was I needed to stop comparing myself to them other people and accept the fact that I would have to work at getting myself a support structure. I'm not at all into the meetings so it made it even harder for me to make acquaintances.
I really wish you the best, and for you to have 61 days is a miracle in itself. Keep working what has been working, and if you feel joining A fellowship it won't hurt to try it.There's a lot of people that totally rely on their HNI commitment as something extremely conducive to their recovery. You don't know me but i'm proud of you .

Auvers

Congratulations on achieving 61 days, big accomplishment. Someone else wrote that you are still not through the early recovery phase and I would like you to know that I found I did not start feeling a bit perky until a few weeks further along. Be proud of what you have done, keep on keeping on, you will feel more outgoing and confident with a bit more time.

notsleeping

Congrats! Be strong, you have a lot of admirers.