juliusgulius

some of you might remember me from about two months ago. I was on here discussing my problems trying to get into a detox center. Well after I got out of that detox center I set a short term goal of not drinking for 6 months, Just so I wouldn't get overwhelmed by saying I'm never drinking again. well here I am just over 2 months later and I just relapsed on the weekend hard.I didn't do anything that I was supposed to do. I was smoking weed the whole time because my friends told me it would help..... I didn't go to meeting or come to this site or go see a counselor or anything. I am going to get back on that wagon though, but right now I am pretty depressed and could use some support, and maybe words of encouragement. I was just reading up on anhedonia caused from cocaine use and it scared me a lot( I need to stop researching negative things on the internet). It's weird, but for some reason I'm scared to go full blown into recovery mode because I'm scared that I will feel like **** even after I try everything and then lose all hope, at least right now it's like ok I feel like **** because of my lifestyle, but if I try recovery and it doesn't work it will be like ok I am just one ****** up individual that is destined to feel this way( probably just some hardcore justification for drug and alcohol use). Anyways I am in the crash stage right now from the cocaine and could really use some words of support. Thank you Julian

P.S sorry for any spelling/ grammatical errors I just don't have the energy right now to put enough effort into proof reading this

Chrisy

You are in the right place.. Glad you are wanting to get back on the wagan and wanting to go to meetings again... Do you have a sponsor that you can call?

Good Luck.

Chrisy

Sapling

Looks like you know what the problem is....Recovery is an action deal. You get out of it what you put into it. As far as encouragement goes....I know you can get out of it and live happy without it...I've done it and seen others do it.....I know you can do it....Simple question....What are you willing to do to make it happen?

bjames

You sound like me when I relapsed after rehab. I was like you... didn't do meetings, didn't see a therapist, etc. This time around I went right to AA, did an outpatient intensive group program, got a psychiatrist, got a therapist. I'm about 75 days sober now and I feel great. We need to work at staying sober. Reach out to whatever resources you can. It really makes a difference.

juliusgulius

at this point I'm willing to do anything, I need a change. It is just so hard in the early stages to take action and get motivation to do the things I know I am supposed to do. It's like I tell myself that I need to stay away from drugs and alcohol for long enough and then I will just want to go to meetings and have the energy to do everything that I am supposed to, but it's not that easy is it. This is probably gonna be some hard work ahead of me

juliusgulius

sounds like you are doing good. Were you doing drugs as well or just drinking ?

DisplacedGRITS

how about you focus on staying sober (weed included) just one day at a time. you always have a sober day in you. and the next day, you stay sober one day at a time. you shouldn't have some lofty, finite goal like 6 months. sorry, hon but that's setting yourself up for failure. number 1, you're going to freak yourself out because 6 months is a long time to stay sober for anyone who's been actively using. it's really easy to get discouraged and overwhelmed in the beginning. you start thinking "if the first few weeks is this hard, how the heck am i gonna make 6 months?? it's too much!" and your goal is suddenly working against you. number 2, you make it to 6 months then what? party time? do you fall back into your old ways? was that 6 months of sobriety just a trial period? do you give yourself permission to start using again "occasionally." many of us have tried at moderation. many of us have failed. most likely, you aren't that one in God knows how many who can moderate so why risk it?

what i'm saying is, don't set a goal of 6 months, a year or never using again. just set the goal of "not today." the longer you go, the more you'll be able to take it in bigger chunks like "not this week" and even "not this month" but stick with "not today" always. many of us struggle with "never again." i know i do. it freaks me right the heck out. i get goosebumps and i catch my breath when i think it. so i don't. but "not today?" we can all do that.

Sapling

I didn't do squat until I was ready...I just got to the point I couldn't live like that anymore...That's what my doctor told me....You keep doing what you are doing and you're not going to live very long. They told me if I go to meetings.....Read the book....Get a sponsor and work the steps I can live a happy life without alcohol...I did that and 15 months later they were right. Hard work?.....The hardest work I had to do was get honest with myself....That's not easy...Doable...But not easy.

ReadyAndAble

Hey, Julian, welcome back.

First off, stop Googling medical stuff. If you're worried, see a doctor. Web searches will not tell you anything at all about your health. You'll just terrify yourself. Catch a cold and Doc Google will tell you it's ebola...

I think it's great you're ready to take action. Coming here was a big step in the right direction. Nice work!

For what it's worth, one thing really surprised me: quitting for good turned out to be much easier than quitting for a little while. Whenever i tried quitting for a set period of time, I found it excruciating. The obsession remained with me in full force. When I finally committed myself 100% to never drinking again, things got a lot easier. I realized life without alcohol is a gift, not a sacrifice. That's why "never" no longer scares me. It's a huge source of comfort.

Sapling

Never no longer scares me either...Early on it was easier to wrap my head around one day at a time.....That's all I felt with dealing with at the time.

DisplacedGRITS

i can't wait to be where you are, Sapling. i don't quite know why never still scares me but i know there will be a day when it doesn't. i just won't push it. i think that's part of the reason i personally failed so many times in the past. i looked too far ahead and set my goals so high they became overwhelming. so many of us are overachievers. i think that's why we must not focus on the long term in the beginning. you can't rush time. you can achieve every day. we must not allow ourselves to belittle how important an achievement a day of sobriety is. whether you have 10 days or 10 years, you got that time by being sober one day at a time. so that single day is important every day. every d*mn day counts. respect it and respect yourself every day.

Jitterbugg

Hi julius,
I know that cocaine 'crash' all too well. You're probably paranoid, anxious, and jumping out of your skin, but there is nothing you can really do except wait until passes. I would watch TV or listen to music to distract me.

ReadyAndAble

Oh, yeah, totally. Sorry, I didn't meant to suggest otherwise. I meant that when I specified a time limit—like saying "I will quit for X number of days/weeks/months"—I was basically creating a plan to drink again when that time elapsed. At least that's how I twisted it around in my mind. I had to totally abandon the idea that it would be somehow OK to drink after a certain amount of time. And when I did—I used the word "committed" earlier, but I could have just as easily said "surrendered"—things got easier than they had been during short-term breaks. That's all I meant.

IndaMiricale

All I can say is I relate. I used and used for decades. Drank and drugged..


As long as your breathing there is hope.. No one is meant to be that so called f***** up person..

You know the things you didnt do, and for heaven sake , dont listen to people that tell you to take something that altars you mind to help.. aka marijuana maitance program doesnt work so well.

Keep coming and post, and get a meeting book and wear it out..

hypochondriac

Welcome back Jullius Glad you're here.

You know what you need to do I can empathise with the lack of energy but some of your recovery can be pretty lazy. Hanging out here for instance. I found I really needed this place just to counteract what my friends were saying. Although I avoided them like the plague early on, the odd comment like I was 'boring' for not drinking would really throw me, and I needed this place to bring me back to reality. Yeah you will have to put some effort in though... I like it when people say you need to put as much effort into recovery as you did drinking and using. It's funny how many of us have it the other way round and somehow even though we have been drinking for years that we will automatically 'want' to be sober and do sober stuff. Like we'll automatically grow up. I definitely feel like I have to practice being sober and force myself to do stuff I don't want to sometimes.

Good luck xxx

Sapling

You know Grits...The promises in the Big Book do happen if you take the steps. Maybe someday.

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.

As long as I live my simple 3 step program everyday...Steps 10, 11 and 12....My recovery is pretty effortless....It's more of a routine. The drink problem is gone....No more....Those promises come from the 10th step....How do you get them to come true?....Work the first nine steps.

mecanix

Did i hear you right ? you nearly did 2 months ?

i think thats great to build on, have you got a handle on what caused you to relapse ?

I'm sure there's lots you could try to make it stick this time .

Bestwishes, M

MIRecovery

I was one sick puppy as were many of us SO IT CAN BE DONE but how? The biggest problem I had to over come was I want to get fixed and I wanted to get fixed NOW! I could take a drug or a drink and that would fix me so why can't recovery be the same way. Here are some helpful hints that worked for me.

1. Understanding that recovery is a process not an event
2. Being an addict is a lot of work and I had to put just as much energy into recovery as I did my addiction
3. AA/NA is the only thing that worked for me and I tried a lot of things to the tune of $10,000+
4. AA/NA is as easy as it gets
5. I went to a meeting every day and did not drink inbetween
6. I got a sponsor with 5+ years of sobriety and did what they told me. I thought some of it was crazy but I did it!! I see now why he had me do the things he did but at the time I could not understand because I had no experience in sobriety.
7. I came to meetings early and stayed late. It was essiental that I got to know on a personal basis others in recovery. These people became my support network
8. I had to be honest with my sponsor, the group, and myself
9. I Live in the day and moment. My only goal is to stay sober today and to do what is necesary to stay sober today
10. I did what the winners do. Soon I discovered they all do more or less the same things
11. Repeat

There are many paths to recovery but for me the above steps worked and are still working. I live in the moment and day. If I do what I am suppose to do the chances are I will be sober today. There is no need to worry about tomorrow because it has not come. All I have to do is not take the first drink or drug and embrace the program of AA/NA