Sara23

My finace and I got into an argument over my drinking and I am having a hard time dealing with it. Long story short he is affraid that all I am going to want to do is party with my friends and not grow up. I have promised him many times that I am not going to be that person but he seems to doubt me. I have definitely given him reasons to be concerned. He has had to carry me out of places, take care of me when I am sick, dealt with my mood swings when I am drunk, etc. I dont want to be that person anymore and I promised him that I am really going to work hard at not being that person anymore but I feel like he doesnt believe me. I know I am going to have to work hard to show him that I can change and that it wont happen over night. It just upsets me that I let it get so bad that the one person who has always loved me and had my back is now tired of me. I dont want to loose my realationship over my behavior but I dont want him doubting me either. I guess Im stuck in a tuff spot...

MissyShelle76

The best advice I ever received was this "Don't tell, show"

If you truly want to save your relationship, improve your life, don't tell people you are going to, show them.

Hugs.....and welcome to SR.

Weasel1966

Sara,

I can tell you from my experiences that when I tried to go to rehab... Tried to not drink.... Tried to not be "that person" for anyone else other than myself.... I never ever succeeded.

For me... I had to do this for myself alone. I am hoping others see the changes and feel different about me. But that's all I can do....Pay attention to me.

All my best to you!

Ken

SoTiredOfThis

That is great advice, I haven't told anyone, except you guys that I stopped drinking. Just waiting for someone to notice, which I know will take some time. Good luck with everything, Sara!

MIRecovery

The alcoholic views themselves through the eyes of their intentions while the world views them throught the eyes of their actions

Hate to tell you this but he has every right to doubt you based on your actions but the good news is you can regain his trust by remaining sober and showing him you are a differant person but it will take time.

AA is the only thing that worked for me and I am slowly but surely gaining the trust of the people that love me

Sara23

Thank you for all the advice. You all are right. Actions speak louder than words and I have got to show him, not just tell him. Its going to be hard work but it is worth it so I have got to just keep swimming...

Fandy

Have you stopped drinking yet? do you have plans in progress for a wedding?
this is a BIG RED WARNING from him.

PippoRossi

Sara ~ Sounds like you know what you need to do. When we drink we not only hurt ourselves but we hurt others as well and it takes awhile to win back their trust. It seems to me like he has a legitimate concern. You must prove to him that you will change or you will lose him. Think about it. You don't want him to doubt you, but can you make it without his support?

PippoRossi

SoTired ~ That's how I went about it, as well. I just up and quit drinking and didn't tell anyone about it. When my husband, who rarely drinks, offers me a drink I tell him I'm "back on the wagon" and that's that! The way I see it, this is my demon to overcome. I get a TON of support from these forums and it's especially useful because you all know where I'm coming from. That's priceless.

risktheblossom

And I'm feeling very positive about this change in my life.

Sara23

Yes I have quit drinking. I wasnt an everyday drinker to begin with. Maybe once or twice a week. But when I go out down town or hang with friends I drink too much and that is the part that he has a problem with because I just take it too far. So I have decided to just quit all together. Its the only way I will know my full potential and show him that I am serious and that I will make a great wife/mom. I deserve his reservations, I just hope I didnt do too much damage and can redeem myself. In his eyes and mostly in mine.

MIRecovery

Staying sober takes a lot of planning. What happens when your friends invite you to hang out?

Sara23

Right now I am just not going out. If I get invited out I will politely turn it down. Not drinking isnt my problem. Its the going to far part that is. So in order to not go too far I need to not drink all together. So yea if I get invited out I just wont go. It is going to give me the opportunity to find all the other fun things in town that dont involve drinking.

freshstart57

Sara, what you have written here sounds great to me, you are hitting all the right marks it seems. You have a choice here, the life you see with yourself and your fiance, or that blowout wooHoooo BigDrinks person. Make your plan to not drink anymore into a solemn vow, just as solemn as those nuptial vows ahead of you.

You have the power to choose here. You have everything you need already - no ruby slippers required!

risktheblossom

That's very similar to my problem. I don't drink every day all the time, but when I do drink I generally can't stop and end up in a black out. Things came to a head for me this week when I learned I did something....well, let's just say awful and it crossed some serious lines for me about who I am when I'm blacked-out drunk. So much so, that for once in my life, I know I'm truly done. That I can't EVER touch it again. Not ever, because one drink leads to way too much most every time.

Day 1 and counting. So far, I'm not missing it at all. But I know there's going to come that day when what I did will have lost it's sting, and that alchy part of myself is going to whisper in my ear "Hey, how bout you just pick up a couple 24 oz cans? A couple won't black you out..." And that is the day I know is coming....and I need to be READY for it!!

trikuza

Sara, I have gone through the same situations with girlfriends, my parents, and my best friends many times. I think your fiance will understand that major reform isnt gonna happen overnight. But you will have to prove to them that youre taking it seriously, and not just talking the talking!

MIRecovery

So what is your plan to be ready for it? As I said before staying sober requires a lot of planning. So when your addictive voice starts calling what defenses will you have in place because we both know the alcoholic in you will not go away without a fight.

risktheblossom

My plan is to simply focus on other things. Things that bring me joy without alcohol involved. I know how to have fun without it, and I honestly don't think too much about alcohol as a rule. Since I'm a deep thinker, I've spent alot of time in the past gaining understanding of why I do what I do, and how the past has brought me to today. I understand what my true triggers are.

So, I plan to be very, very aware. Embrace but not be a victim to my triggers (anger over the past, loneliness, lack of family, etc) and when those emotions flare up again (and they will)...I plan to go hit the gym, take a walk, go work on some crafts, call a trusted friend, and more importantly...sit down for a few minutes reflecting on all the misery & embarrasment my past blackouts have caused.

I have a wonderful life in so many ways. It's time I stop letting the past ruin my today.

Anna

Sara, I know it's frustrating when you feel like you are committed to a sober life, but the people close to you don't believe you. Sadly, that's the situation we create for ourselves. As others have said, be patient and show your boyfriend how you are changing. It sounds like you have a great attitude.

dSober

You are in a VERY dangerous spot; from MY experience.

I was the same way. I didn't drink often but when I did; I DRANK.

I drank this way for most of my life, many years (I'm 55 now). The trouble is, when I felt like I needed to drink, for personal "reasons", the only way I new how was to drink a lot. I started drinking a quart to a half-gallon every day. It didn't take long before I was a "full-fledged" alcohilc. Not drinking meant withdrawl; extremely unpleasant.

I wish now I had stopped then, but no. I continued to drink while my WHOLE life got continually worse.

Friends, family, work, money, etc.. From my experience, it's "hasta la vista baby" for the alcohilc.