I want to be sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 24
I want to be sober
After spending two days of my thanksgiving weekend completely intoxicated with my drug of choice (bottles of wine) and feeling sick and tired.. And wondering what I said the night before over the phone to somebody after I blacked out... I decided I just can't do this anymore. The smoking cigarettes has ruined me too, how they leave my mouth feeling dry and like cotton... I know that I drink and smoke because I am lonely and I do it to numb myself because I am depressed. Its the only way I know how to stimulate myself after a long day of work or on a boring weekend. Yesterday when I woke up from my blackout I felt like I was literally dying. I probably will be if I keep this up. I do want to be sober. I am just so scared to reach out to a doctor and get help around here. I work in a medical field... I am paranoid and anxious about anybody knowing about my struggle with alcoholism. I spent the entire summer sitting on my balcony pounding back bottles of wine and smoking after work and on weekends... I noticed I just feel tired all the time and I don't feel happy at all, my mood is always on the down side... It doesnt help that I dont have a boyfriend and every time I try to to date I get hurt very badly by guys who are just out to try and use me and I end up drinking even more.. Its a bad cycle... I've just decided maybe I should work on my sobriety and when I am healthy maybe I will attract a healthy person. But how can I get sober when I am so alone, am I going to keep falling back into this pattern? I am so scared and wish I had a way out of this cage.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Well first I will say that as you work toward sobriety you shoudnt be worring about dating at all. And once you have some good time behind you. And you meet someone by then you will know how to treat yourself ther for you will expect better than you have let yourself be treated.. IMO.
And many people here are in or were in the medical field. So dont think thats a excuse to get sober.. Almost everyone is scared of "the big secret" being let out. To many let that continue to keep using..
Your here and you want to start. I recommend AA it works for the once hopeless drunk..
And many people here are in or were in the medical field. So dont think thats a excuse to get sober.. Almost everyone is scared of "the big secret" being let out. To many let that continue to keep using..
Your here and you want to start. I recommend AA it works for the once hopeless drunk..
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Originally Posted by FetaCheese 
I've just decided maybe I should work on my sobriety and when I am healthy maybe I will attract a healthy person. But how can I get sober when I am so alone, am I going to keep falling back into this pattern? I am so scared and wish I had a way out of this cage.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
You have it within you to walk out of that cage and be free. I hope you'll see your doctor for help in quitting drinking. It's hard to do sometimes but it is possible. I didn't think I could quit but with the help of my counselor and the people on this site, I did, and my life is far better now than it's been in a while.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Hi FetaCheese. Congratulations on your assessment of the way things are going for you right now, it certainly seems that this is not sustainable in the long run by any means.
I drank the way you did too, and I did it until I was so depressed and angry that I couldn't function at work any more. That was when I really got down to business and started drinking from morning until night, every day. The depression got worse, no anti D med would help, and then the anxiety started up, and it became critical too so that I was afraid to 'risk' even leaving the house. You can see that this scene was a recipe for boredom and loneliness too.
The quit day came for me. There was an instant shot in the arm for me, knowing that I no longer 'had to' live like that, that I no longer had to do those things, the lying, the sneaking around, the chronic forgetfulness, the panic attacks. I didn't have to feel constantly sick, hungover, guilty and ashamed of what I had let myself become. It was an incredible sense of relief that came in that moment.
You have the ability to do this, FetaCheese. It is scary, true, but once you make this vow to quit, possibilities will open up for you, a whole new future. Since you can quit this alcohol addiction, you will have proved that you have strengths and abilities that you were not aware of.
How do you quit? You quit by believing that you can quit, by believing in yourself, by believing that you will quit. You really can, it happens all the time. Please see a doctor first, and then do this thing. Your only regret will be that you waited this long.
You have options and choices. AA has helped many people, but it is neither necessary nor sufficient for sobriety. There are evidence based approaches like SMART and LifeRing, and AVRT as well. It will never be easier to quit than right now. Onward!
I drank the way you did too, and I did it until I was so depressed and angry that I couldn't function at work any more. That was when I really got down to business and started drinking from morning until night, every day. The depression got worse, no anti D med would help, and then the anxiety started up, and it became critical too so that I was afraid to 'risk' even leaving the house. You can see that this scene was a recipe for boredom and loneliness too.
The quit day came for me. There was an instant shot in the arm for me, knowing that I no longer 'had to' live like that, that I no longer had to do those things, the lying, the sneaking around, the chronic forgetfulness, the panic attacks. I didn't have to feel constantly sick, hungover, guilty and ashamed of what I had let myself become. It was an incredible sense of relief that came in that moment.
You have the ability to do this, FetaCheese. It is scary, true, but once you make this vow to quit, possibilities will open up for you, a whole new future. Since you can quit this alcohol addiction, you will have proved that you have strengths and abilities that you were not aware of.
How do you quit? You quit by believing that you can quit, by believing in yourself, by believing that you will quit. You really can, it happens all the time. Please see a doctor first, and then do this thing. Your only regret will be that you waited this long.
You have options and choices. AA has helped many people, but it is neither necessary nor sufficient for sobriety. There are evidence based approaches like SMART and LifeRing, and AVRT as well. It will never be easier to quit than right now. Onward!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
I am in the medical field and go to AA meetings.
There are a couple of people that go from the hospital and have met patients family members too.
If you do not address the problem now, you won't have a job anyway.
I would do AA first.
It is not on any record.
It will give you sober friends.
Don't give up.
There are a couple of people that go from the hospital and have met patients family members too.
If you do not address the problem now, you won't have a job anyway.
I would do AA first.
It is not on any record.
It will give you sober friends.
Don't give up.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Read the "stickies".
At the top of the Alcohol and Newcomers to recovery forums.
Lots of options.
Some people get sober with just Sober recovery and/or a therapist.
You say you are lonely.
That is why I recommend AA.
(Once you go, you will learn about the program. But just the fellowship/company alone will be wonderful)
STAY AWAY FROM DATING UNTIL YOU ARE STRONG!
At the top of the Alcohol and Newcomers to recovery forums.
Lots of options.
Some people get sober with just Sober recovery and/or a therapist.
You say you are lonely.
That is why I recommend AA.
(Once you go, you will learn about the program. But just the fellowship/company alone will be wonderful)
STAY AWAY FROM DATING UNTIL YOU ARE STRONG!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Home - there's no place like Home
Posts: 974
Welcome to a new and better way of life, Feta. Spent many, many, many a day/night/year on the balcony blacking out on bottles and boxes of wine, knocking over and breaking glasses, stepping on the glass barefoot, drunk dialing or texting or emailing, breaking bones, burning and or cutting myself trying to cook a meal that never got consumed. You name it, I probably did it - at home - alone - after a long, successful, productive but hungover work day. Your statement of attracting a healthy relationship once you are on solid ground yourself is right on the mark. Take care of you - really GOOD care of you, and happiness will follow. Peace and serenity feel fantastic and are yours for the taking. Support and wisdom and lots of love will be with you here at SR - so happy you are with us!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 24
Thanks everyone for the replies I got through yesterday ok but I feel so tired, lethargic, its a struggle to get up for work... All I can think about is having a bottle of wine next weekend but I know that is not the answer it will just give me a migraine and feel awful yet I am craving it and craving cigarettes. I wonder if this ever gets easier... I'd like to make it to AA I used to go to it back in my home town until anxiety took me over. But I am just SO tired all the time...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
It does get easier Feta! I had the whole lethargic thing too, SR is an excellent option for that because it requires very little effort to hang out here I was grateful for feeling tired in a way. I didn't have the energy to go out and buy beer! Have a look at some of the AVRT or SMART stuff for cravings, I think they're quite practical on stuff like that. Keep at it x
I was grateful for feeling tired in a way. I didn't have the energy to go out and buy beer! Have a look at some of the AVRT or SMART stuff for cravings, I think they're quite practical on stuff like that. Keep at it x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 14
Dear Feta,
I did much the same that you are doing. I had been drinking since I was a teen and it got steadily worse of course. But when my husband and I separated and he would have our teenaged kids for the week-end I would be so lonely (I was lonely all the time actually) and afraid and I would watch myself drinking that wine or vodka and smoking like a chimney. I would definitely do the drunk and dial and call people in an effort to stave off the loneliness, but I would end up being embarrassed wither the next day or even during the actual conversation when I could no longer think clearly. I know that you have the strength within you, it just got buried with pain and fear maybe. I always knew I had a few sober friends but I couldn't reach out to them for fear they would never understand. Could you maybe see a therapist where you could feel free and safe to speak the truth? Obviously there is AA and the other groups folks have mentioned but I know I wasn't comfortable with that approach. Stay connected on here. If you can just go one day without the alcohol and then maybe another day will follow. I am on day 10 finally and I swear I am starting to see possibilities! I have more energy and feel much more positive about the future. Please keep in mind that you are worth it and you deserve better for yourself!
I did much the same that you are doing. I had been drinking since I was a teen and it got steadily worse of course. But when my husband and I separated and he would have our teenaged kids for the week-end I would be so lonely (I was lonely all the time actually) and afraid and I would watch myself drinking that wine or vodka and smoking like a chimney. I would definitely do the drunk and dial and call people in an effort to stave off the loneliness, but I would end up being embarrassed wither the next day or even during the actual conversation when I could no longer think clearly. I know that you have the strength within you, it just got buried with pain and fear maybe. I always knew I had a few sober friends but I couldn't reach out to them for fear they would never understand. Could you maybe see a therapist where you could feel free and safe to speak the truth? Obviously there is AA and the other groups folks have mentioned but I know I wasn't comfortable with that approach. Stay connected on here. If you can just go one day without the alcohol and then maybe another day will follow. I am on day 10 finally and I swear I am starting to see possibilities! I have more energy and feel much more positive about the future. Please keep in mind that you are worth it and you deserve better for yourself!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by FetaCheese
I'd like to make it to AA I used to go to it back in my home town until anxiety took me over. But I am just SO tired all the time...
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: CT
Posts: 28
Don't be so disappointed in yourself. You can do it when your ready. I feel when I think about the mistakes I have made and start to feel regret and disgust in myself, then I get depressed and then I want to drink. It's a horrid cycle, we drink because we are depressed and we are depressed bc we drink...or we drink bc we are anxious and we are anxious bc we drink...or we drink bc we've gained 20 lbs from drinking an we gain 20 more lbs because we drink. You need a hobby or something that makes you happy and relaxed after work. Yoga, knitting, a good book, or start a blog?
Originally Posted by FetaCheese
After spending two days of my thanksgiving weekend completely intoxicated with my drug of choice (bottles of wine) and feeling sick and tired.. And wondering what I said the night before over the phone to somebody after I blacked out... I decided I just can't do this anymore. The smoking cigarettes has ruined me too, how they leave my mouth feeling dry and like cotton... I know that I drink and smoke because I am lonely and I do it to numb myself because I am depressed. Its the only way I know how to stimulate myself after a long day of work or on a boring weekend. Yesterday when I woke up from my blackout I felt like I was literally dying. I probably will be if I keep this up. I do want to be sober. I am just so scared to reach out to a doctor and get help around here. I work in a medical field... I am paranoid and anxious about anybody knowing about my struggle with alcoholism. I spent the entire summer sitting on my balcony pounding back bottles of wine and smoking after work and on weekends... I noticed I just feel tired all the time and I don't feel happy at all, my mood is always on the down side... It doesnt help that I dont have a boyfriend and every time I try to to date I get hurt very badly by guys who are just out to try and use me and I end up drinking even more.. Its a bad cycle... I've just decided maybe I should work on my sobriety and when I am healthy maybe I will attract a healthy person. But how can I get sober when I am so alone, am I going to keep falling back into this pattern? I am so scared and wish I had a way out of this cage.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
I remember well, being caught up in the vicious cycle of drinking, regret/shame, depression, drinking again. I finally had to take a leap of faith and stop the cycle, because my health (physical and mental) was failing.
I strongly urge you to talk to your dr about your fatigue. If you were depressed before you began drinking, it's possible that medication might help you. I needed to do that. If your depression is a result of drinking, then sobriety should help you feel better.
Know for sure that you can do this.
I strongly urge you to talk to your dr about your fatigue. If you were depressed before you began drinking, it's possible that medication might help you. I needed to do that. If your depression is a result of drinking, then sobriety should help you feel better.
Know for sure that you can do this.
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