Married to an addict
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: cifton, nj
Posts: 6
Married to an addict
Hi,
I have been with my husband almost nine years, married just two years a week ago...Yes when we first dated I didnt know of his addiction until over a year after dating, he disappeared for a few days. Yes I fell in love with him and it was hard to let go but I was adimant about not dealing with drug addicts, but somehow I overlooked it because he said he relapsed after two years, and we went for help. He attended meetings groups, yada yada and we took it from there. Well Now after almost nine years together, he has been clean 3-4 years out of it and now he has relapsed. He suffers from depression, his mindset is always work work work and if he doesnt work he goes downhill. I have done all I could with trying counseling, going to meetings with him (but he always allows his state of mind to bring him down) especially when his children come to visit, he drowns into depression when they go back home. Its not easy dealing with him but I do love him but also very very tired. What am I to do...I want to walk away but heart says another but Im tired of mood swings, and lack of stability...What am I to do...
I have been with my husband almost nine years, married just two years a week ago...Yes when we first dated I didnt know of his addiction until over a year after dating, he disappeared for a few days. Yes I fell in love with him and it was hard to let go but I was adimant about not dealing with drug addicts, but somehow I overlooked it because he said he relapsed after two years, and we went for help. He attended meetings groups, yada yada and we took it from there. Well Now after almost nine years together, he has been clean 3-4 years out of it and now he has relapsed. He suffers from depression, his mindset is always work work work and if he doesnt work he goes downhill. I have done all I could with trying counseling, going to meetings with him (but he always allows his state of mind to bring him down) especially when his children come to visit, he drowns into depression when they go back home. Its not easy dealing with him but I do love him but also very very tired. What am I to do...I want to walk away but heart says another but Im tired of mood swings, and lack of stability...What am I to do...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 507
Are you going to Alanon meetings, SGNJ? Or his AA/NA meetings? The people you meeting in Alanon will most certainly have experiences to share with you that may help with your decision.
I don't know that you have to either be "all in" or walk away completely. Perhaps you can separate until he can get himself together. You need to take care of yourself and your well-being.
Check out the Family and Friends section on this website. You'll get some great suggestions for others going through what you're going through.
I don't know that you have to either be "all in" or walk away completely. Perhaps you can separate until he can get himself together. You need to take care of yourself and your well-being.
Check out the Family and Friends section on this website. You'll get some great suggestions for others going through what you're going through.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Welcome, SGNJ40. Lots of great information here for you to read. Like Silly says above, please check out the friends & family forum (about midway down the SR home page).
When you don't know what to do, best to do nothing and wait for more to be revealed. In the meantime, sharing with others who understand your situation is very helpful. Keep coming back!
~T
When you don't know what to do, best to do nothing and wait for more to be revealed. In the meantime, sharing with others who understand your situation is very helpful. Keep coming back!
~T
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Alanon will help you tremendously. If you have been together for 9 years there has to be a ton of co-dependent behavior. Get a sponser and work the steps. You have been dancing the same dance for a long time.
Although I am sober my wife goes to Alanon and loves it and it helps me too because she is happier and can recognize when I am doing things that are unhealthy in my recovery. The bad news is it is harder to pull my addictive BS with her.
Although I am sober my wife goes to Alanon and loves it and it helps me too because she is happier and can recognize when I am doing things that are unhealthy in my recovery. The bad news is it is harder to pull my addictive BS with her.
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