Im ready to admit it now...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 67
Im ready to admit it now...
Im ready to admit it now...I have a drinking problem. Its been a long time since I have been on this website and posted anything, yet this was the first thing I thought of today when I finally admitted to myself today that I have a drinking problem. When I first came to this site I was looking at motivation and support on not getting drunk anymore, but was not ready to fully quit drinking. I was not even fully ready to admit to myself how bad my problem was. The ironic thing is since I was last on here I actually had cut my drinking down by a lot. I didnt drink as often, hardly went out, and was able to have "a" drink instead of multiples. I thought I was doing much better and actually felt better mentally and physically. That was until last night. One night has changed everything for me. Long story short I blacked out and dont remeber too much from last night. I lost my phone, lost my shoes, lost my freaking mind!!!! Not remebering how I got home scares the crap out of me. I mean I know I didnt drive since I took a cab out but still, who knows what could have heppened to me. Thankfully God was looking out for me last night and luckily nothing horrible happened to me but it COULD HAVE and that is what scares me the most. That fear of loosing control and so easily taking it too far is what has prompted me to finally admit to myself that I Sara have a drinking problem. So Im back. Ready to start day 1 of my life. Free from this fear and guilt. Im ready to free my body from this poison that I have been injecting into it. Ready to free my mind. My soul. Im ready to be me for the first time. And today is day 1...
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome back, sara!
I had a lot of mornings like that, asking myself "why did I do this to myself - AGAIN?" I only had one blackout - it was in college, long before I developed a drinking problem (in my 30's). I still remember the feeling, though, of people telling me what I did and not being able to remember a thing about it. Definitely scary - I've never forgotten what that felt like.
Glad you're ready to get sober. I promise you, you will enjoy being the best possible you and you'll regain your joy in life again. Just stay with it and give it time. You can do it!
I had a lot of mornings like that, asking myself "why did I do this to myself - AGAIN?" I only had one blackout - it was in college, long before I developed a drinking problem (in my 30's). I still remember the feeling, though, of people telling me what I did and not being able to remember a thing about it. Definitely scary - I've never forgotten what that felt like.
Glad you're ready to get sober. I promise you, you will enjoy being the best possible you and you'll regain your joy in life again. Just stay with it and give it time. You can do it!
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Welcome back Sara and C23! You both deserve the second chance at life that you both seem to be giving yourselves. What are you guys going to do differently this time? I made it by in hospital detox, AA and here on SR, counseling, and the support of friends and family. I could not do it alone. And white knuckling never got me past my first couple of shots in my coffee at 8AM. Then one day I decided, and sounded much like you, two years and a few weeks ago. And never looked back. I can never drink or smoke again, and reading stories from folks like you taught me that. So thanks for the reminder that today I can only stay healthy by not falling under the delusion that I can moderate now, or ten years from now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 67
[QUOTE=Itchy;3614372]What are you guys going to do differently this time? QUOTE]
Good question Itchy! It is so easy to say that this is it but until we take steps to truly end it those are just words. I am going to start seeing a counselor. And no more going out for me right now. I dont even want to be in a situation where Im tempted to drink. Its going to be hard work at first but I know that if all of you guys can get through it I can ge through it too!
Good question Itchy! It is so easy to say that this is it but until we take steps to truly end it those are just words. I am going to start seeing a counselor. And no more going out for me right now. I dont even want to be in a situation where Im tempted to drink. Its going to be hard work at first but I know that if all of you guys can get through it I can ge through it too!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Yeah admitting it was big for me....Walking into an AA meeting and saying it out loud was the best thing I've ever done...Now I was accountable to myself and this room full of people....People that wanted to help me get better....And they did.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Sara to quote Higgins in My Fair Lady:
"By George she's got it, she's really got it!"
You got that right, if a wretch like me can regain my self respect, and pull out of my nosedive with all intact and working just before hitting the ground, you most certainly can too!
My experiences and needs, as well as my demons and how I dealt with them will of course differ from yours. My way is the perfect way for me. But only perfect for me. Your way will of course share a lot of the motive to survive and actually struve, to live well. What social and coping skilss we each need to learn for the first time that we used liquor to avoid, or relearn because liquor was easier, will differ quite a bit. But we remain in common cause.
I decided that I was finally willing to do whatever it takes, with none of my previous reservations and "conditions" on my sobriety, and giving up my self indulgence and self pity parties, however disguised they may have been. That I had become in my own mind, Albert Einstein's poster child for his definition of insanity:
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
So no drinking when my younger brother died one month after I quit and the plane broke stranding me in Dallas with no way to make the funeral. No drinking when things are overwhelming and take time. No drinking when I am afraid, or angry, or sad and grieving because while I can't control my feelings, I can control how I think and act on my feelings.
I think you will love the new you. My new me isn't brittle and breakable any more. I am flexible and bounce back, then rest and tackle the imoirtant things again, and drop the delusional expectations of daily happiness, and once let go, it seems to come on irs own, along with a dash of peace, love, and accomplishment.
It is enough.
"By George she's got it, she's really got it!"
You got that right, if a wretch like me can regain my self respect, and pull out of my nosedive with all intact and working just before hitting the ground, you most certainly can too!
My experiences and needs, as well as my demons and how I dealt with them will of course differ from yours. My way is the perfect way for me. But only perfect for me. Your way will of course share a lot of the motive to survive and actually struve, to live well. What social and coping skilss we each need to learn for the first time that we used liquor to avoid, or relearn because liquor was easier, will differ quite a bit. But we remain in common cause.
I decided that I was finally willing to do whatever it takes, with none of my previous reservations and "conditions" on my sobriety, and giving up my self indulgence and self pity parties, however disguised they may have been. That I had become in my own mind, Albert Einstein's poster child for his definition of insanity:
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
So no drinking when my younger brother died one month after I quit and the plane broke stranding me in Dallas with no way to make the funeral. No drinking when things are overwhelming and take time. No drinking when I am afraid, or angry, or sad and grieving because while I can't control my feelings, I can control how I think and act on my feelings.
I think you will love the new you. My new me isn't brittle and breakable any more. I am flexible and bounce back, then rest and tackle the imoirtant things again, and drop the delusional expectations of daily happiness, and once let go, it seems to come on irs own, along with a dash of peace, love, and accomplishment.
It is enough.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Newark, England
Posts: 62
Sara, Laceybug, Wolfman & C23
I remember the day I made my decision to sort it all out after another episode with a penknife in my depression, my drinking had brought my 15 year relationship to an end and I was lost, time to sort it out.
On the Monday 19th March 2012 life started again, I called my now Pastor first thing that morning, met him later that night and confessed everything, the next day life felt so much better, I was still drinking but I had cut it down a lot.
The next night I got a message in my head that I must listen to a song, this message came at me all night, so as I walked home I listened to the song "Healing Begins" by Tenth Avenue North, I broke down again as walked down the road in floods of tears to that song on my iPod.
I listened to the song first thing every morning and last thing every night, when I was stressed or struggling and even when I was happy. I prayed for the first time the next night for the strength to get through it and on the 29th March gave up altogether.
There was a power in that song that reminded me of what I was and that things could be different, try listening to it or anything similar that can lift you & inspire you, it can help.
Good luck, be strong & you can do it.
Wayne
I remember the day I made my decision to sort it all out after another episode with a penknife in my depression, my drinking had brought my 15 year relationship to an end and I was lost, time to sort it out.
On the Monday 19th March 2012 life started again, I called my now Pastor first thing that morning, met him later that night and confessed everything, the next day life felt so much better, I was still drinking but I had cut it down a lot.
The next night I got a message in my head that I must listen to a song, this message came at me all night, so as I walked home I listened to the song "Healing Begins" by Tenth Avenue North, I broke down again as walked down the road in floods of tears to that song on my iPod.
I listened to the song first thing every morning and last thing every night, when I was stressed or struggling and even when I was happy. I prayed for the first time the next night for the strength to get through it and on the 29th March gave up altogether.
There was a power in that song that reminded me of what I was and that things could be different, try listening to it or anything similar that can lift you & inspire you, it can help.
Good luck, be strong & you can do it.
Wayne
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 83
Hi Sara. Your story seems very similar to mine! I too am recently back after thinking that I could drink in moderation. I have had too many nights not remembering everything and being thankful that I was safe. It scares me to think that one of these times I might not be so lucky! It feels so good to think of never waking up with that feeling again doesn't it? 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,346
welcome and welcome back to you too laceybug waynemali and wolfram 
I can recommend the 'Class of October' as a good support base, if you haven't found it already
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-2-a-2.html
D
I can recommend the 'Class of October' as a good support base, if you haven't found it already
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-2-a-2.html
D
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