Tesla

I am at Day 50 and I should feel great but I am also apprehensive. I count because it helps and I know that it is one day at a time but the "forever" part of the recovery seems daunting at Day 50. I am still having flashes of anger and irritability. People ask, what's wrong? I cannot tell them that I am in recovery, that makes things worse. I go to meetings and it helps but marking this milestone makes it feel like there is an "end" to this but I know there can be no end. Wow, that is daunting. I am worried that at day 100 or day 365 my mind will try to convince me (as it does everyday) that I can start drinking again. Half a lifetime of sobriety and then falling off the wagon (years of each) tells me I cannot. I am scared. I have never achieved FOREVER in anything I have attempted (career, relationship, spirituality, etc). Any suggestions?

Dee74

I kept focused on 'today' until 'forever' held no trepidation for me Tesla...I look back and I see now all forever is is a string of todays anyway

I kept counting too, until it made more sense to count months and then somewhere after that I stopped counting...

I don't count my calendar age in days - it just is...same now with my recovery

50 days is awesome but I reckon it's the beginning of the journey not the end...

D

RobC420

let's not project what you are going to feel like on day 100 and day 365. Unless you have a time machine and know how to use it, you don't know what you will feel like on those days.

people ask you what's wrong? who are these people and why can't you tell them you are in recovery. Depending on who they are, maybe they can be helpful....

Uninvited

I think it's good that you recognize the danger. At 100 I lost it and started drinking again. Within 30 days I was as screwed up as I was before I started sobriety. I'm going to try to just focus on one day at a time this time around, and try to recognize that 100 is no better than 99 or 101. They are all the same.

MilesSmiles

I actually found my recovery to be easier once I stopped counting. I'm not sure what day I'm on anymore. By not counting, I realized that whole days passed when I didn't think about drugs at all. I'm more focused on my new life and less on my history.

Miles

artsoul

I think the mental part takes the longest. I dedicated the first year to learning how to stay sober and getting free from the cravings. There were days when I questioned my progress, but a few months into sobriety I noticed I had gone many hours - almost a whole day - without thinking about a drink.

You might want to read up on PAWS. It helped explain a lot of things for me.

Try to stay in the moment as much as possible and be patient with yourself. It takes time to heal, renew our interest in things and learn to deal with emotions again. 50 days is awesome, and it really does keep getting better......

Tesla

Thanks for the encouragement and practical advice. For me, part of recovery is all about maintaining momentum and just as I was worried it was bleeding off, these replies serve as an added "push" to gain some more.

Natom

Hi Tesla,

I can relate to what you are saying. I used to count the days but I ended up becoming apprehensive and complacent whenever I hit a milestone. I've stopped counting the days and it helped me a lot.

mecanix

Seeing the pain and anguish of the new people starting out helps me stay humble before my own alcoholism whichever day number it happens to be .

Bestwishes, M

IndaMiricale

Like others said one dont project that far, because then your not living one day at a time. And its good that your thinking about it , because thinking is growing..


You said you go to meetings and that is wonderful, but can I ask. Do you have a sponsor and are you working the steps..

You will hear this over and over, and I see it all the time.

But you cant take the elevator to meetings , only the steps will work for you to have long term sobriety..

CaiHong

Tesla I like what you said about the momentum, so true. I am never good at sticking to things either, 15 months is a first for me.

This is a lifetime thing for me, no thought of ever being able to drink "safely" in the future.
Good on you

CaiHong

Maylie

Day 50 is a great achievement! I try not to count the days since once I get to 3 weeks I always seem to think I am "cured" and that I have been doing "so good so what's one night?" and that is dangerous thinking!

It is important that you noticed this change in your mood because the first step is noticing it and then you can try different things to get passed it (meetings, writing, reading, anything that helps you).

Keep moving forward!

hugs

Maylie

jobei

Think of today, not tomorrow or yesterday, as today is really the only day that matters. You're sober and safe today, be proud of yourself!

Soberjanedoe

Don't focus on milestones as the be all and end all. Focus on today. I got to 90 days of sobriety and powered through my milestones happy and loud but then fell with a big loud bang.

Today is all you have and today you are sober.

I've fallen for the "i went X many days without drinking, so I must not be an alcoholic" voice many times and for me that voice was lying. The simple fact that I recognised I needed to stop drinking X many days ago means for me, I am an Alcoholic.

Focus on today and remaining sober today.

YVRguy

After seeing some longer term cakes at meetings , every one of those folks said it was "one day at a time". Many went out after years and came back and did it "one day at a time".

Not every day is good but its never bad enough to drink. I have no clue what today or tomorrow will bring I just know a drink will never make it better.

Weasel1966

Forever, for me, is something that happens when I look back not forward.

Curses are for those that wait for bad things to happen... and when they don't they say it was meant to be.

And my final tid-bit today is...

Happiness is far less elusive if you stop trying to hide from it.

My point... keep doing what you are doing. 50 days is awesome!!!!!!!!