LucyI5

I am the girlfriend of someone who is trying to recover (I think). My bf and I have been together for 8 months. When we met, he was doing great. He was 3 months fresh out of rehab and living in a sober house. He moved out a few months into us dating and seemed to be doing well still. He hit a rough patch and relapsed after he lost his job. He told me about this and to my understanding, he only used a few times, but had stopped. Now, months later, he tells me he's been using consistently since then and just didn't know how to tell me bc he was afraid I'd leave him. For the last week and a half, he's been trying to ween himself off. He gives me his drugs and all his money so that I have control of the 2 and I give him what he needs for the day. I also recently found in his phone that he had been shamelessly flirting with other women. I guess the reason I came on here is for advice and others' perspective of my situation. I love him very much, but I find myself guarded now. And don't know what to do. I want to trust him, but am not sure how.

mecanix

Hey Lucy,
There are some useful links/threads at the top of the forum i'll post now :-

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

What do i think ? At the moment the drugs are more important to him than you, by giving you control of the money he's dragging you into his crazy world and almost having you condone his use .

Only 8 months and he's got you involved in all this ? I'd seriously consider what you get from this relationship and if he's able to give you the things you want for a happy life .

Remember to look out for and look after yourself first ..

Bestwishes, M

Natom

Hello Lucy

I'd be inclined to agree with mecanix. It sounds to me like your boyfriend got you involved to make his drug use all the more acceptable. Now he is most likely in a comfortable situation. If you really wanna see him get better you have to stop enabling him. You need to lay down the law and tell him that you aren't going to help him anymore.

YVRguy

Hi Lucy

I guess I second what mecanix said. I won't even think of any relationship till I am at least 18 months clean. I think once you read a few posts on the link above ( I read some of them from time to time to ensure I see the other side of my problems and what chaos I created/create when I use) that it can take a long time for a person with substance issues to enter a long period of sobriety and stability.

I reflect that if some folks had taken a tough stance with me I may have clued in quicker as to how serious my issue with alcohol was and is. They would have done themselves and myself a big favour. I slid along as I was in denial and thought I was "okay". I wasn't okay at all.

Look out for yourself first.