Telling my alcoholic father I'm an alcoholic...
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 18
Telling my alcoholic father I'm an alcoholic...
It hit me two weeks ago that I had a major problem. I had woken up from a night that I don't remember. My husband was talking about events that had happened that night and I couldn't remember a thing. I began to panic...and panic I did for about two weeks. I continued to binge drink, and feel horrible amounts if guilt in the morning. Last Wednesday was the final straw. I had been on a binge, woke up at 2:30 puking my guts out and in a full blown anxiety attack. I called in sick to work and called my mom. Immediately she knew something was wrong. And I unloaded on her. She thought all the years I drank "socially". She was floored when I told her it was a full blown problem.
My dad is 25 years sober. He talks about his recovery a lot. My mom first suggested that I talk to him. I couldn't do it. I could not after 28 years of listening to him tell me how bad alcoholism is go tell him I am an alcoholic. I had visions of this sad disappointed face looking back at me and I just couldn't do it!
I got in my car, and it steered itself to his house. My mom was there and had told him I was coming over to talk. He was back on the patio table (where we do our most serious talking) waiting for me. We bagan taking about my stress in life that is piling up. How stressed I am with work and school and how I'm not managing my anxiety very well at all lately. I then I just said it...just blurted out, I'm drinking...A LOT. I couldn't even look at him in the face. And all he replied is, well, is it helping? I said no, it's making my life worse. And he said, well, there's your answer. We talked, we cried, he sobbed, I sobbed, he gave me a book and we read certain pages together. How wrong was I to think he would me mad, or judge me? The weight that has been lifted from my shoulders is indescribable. I hid things for so long and the emotional burden I carried became too much. We talked for hours. And when I left he made me promise to call him when I felt like a drink. He wants to see me get some serious help and will do anything I can to help me do that.
This man can make me crazy at times. He can be difficult, and rude and selfish. But when I was at my lowest of lows, he gave me encouragmeng and hope. Yesterday will be a memory I will cherish forever. I view my father in a completely different way now. I feel strong and confident about my recovery because I've got him on my side.
My dad is 25 years sober. He talks about his recovery a lot. My mom first suggested that I talk to him. I couldn't do it. I could not after 28 years of listening to him tell me how bad alcoholism is go tell him I am an alcoholic. I had visions of this sad disappointed face looking back at me and I just couldn't do it!
I got in my car, and it steered itself to his house. My mom was there and had told him I was coming over to talk. He was back on the patio table (where we do our most serious talking) waiting for me. We bagan taking about my stress in life that is piling up. How stressed I am with work and school and how I'm not managing my anxiety very well at all lately. I then I just said it...just blurted out, I'm drinking...A LOT. I couldn't even look at him in the face. And all he replied is, well, is it helping? I said no, it's making my life worse. And he said, well, there's your answer. We talked, we cried, he sobbed, I sobbed, he gave me a book and we read certain pages together. How wrong was I to think he would me mad, or judge me? The weight that has been lifted from my shoulders is indescribable. I hid things for so long and the emotional burden I carried became too much. We talked for hours. And when I left he made me promise to call him when I felt like a drink. He wants to see me get some serious help and will do anything I can to help me do that.
This man can make me crazy at times. He can be difficult, and rude and selfish. But when I was at my lowest of lows, he gave me encouragmeng and hope. Yesterday will be a memory I will cherish forever. I view my father in a completely different way now. I feel strong and confident about my recovery because I've got him on my side.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
That was a lovely post Erin! I'm so happy it turned out that way for you (and your father).
I agree about unburdening ourselves. No one in my family would have understood, but here at SR when I came clean I felt such a relief. It meant everything to not be alone any more.
Happy for you - everything's going to be alright.
I agree about unburdening ourselves. No one in my family would have understood, but here at SR when I came clean I felt such a relief. It meant everything to not be alone any more.
Happy for you - everything's going to be alright.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,334
Erin,
My dad has a 38 year sobriety record. I told him I'd stopped drinking alcohol in June and he had tears in his eyes. He'd been worried about my wine consumption. I'm attending a family wedding next week with an open bar and lots of wine. I'm sticking close to my Dad
My dad has a 38 year sobriety record. I told him I'd stopped drinking alcohol in June and he had tears in his eyes. He'd been worried about my wine consumption. I'm attending a family wedding next week with an open bar and lots of wine. I'm sticking close to my Dad
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,868
I have often wondered how that conversation would have gone with my father. He died of cirrhosis, but I don't think he ever considered himself an alcoholic. When he died, I hadn't yet crossed that line, but in the years since, I have often thought about talking to him about my own alcoholism.
I am so glad to know that your father is sober and that you were able to have that talk with him. I'm sure he will be valuable support for you.
I am so glad to know that your father is sober and that you were able to have that talk with him. I'm sure he will be valuable support for you.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by suki44883 
I have often wondered how that conversation would have gone with my father. He died of cirrhosis, but I don't think he ever considered himself an alcoholic. When he died, I hadn't yet crossed that line, but in the years since, I have often thought about talking to him about my own alcoholism.
I am so glad to know that your father is sober and that you were able to have that talk with him. I'm sure he will be valuable support for you.
I am so glad to know that your father is sober and that you were able to have that talk with him. I'm sure he will be valuable support for you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
My father died of alcohol poisoning--probably. He had been to AA but certainly didn't work a program. I'm guessing he did not think of himself as an alcoholic. So I doubt we could have had that conversation. What is important is that I become a different kind of alcoholic than he was. I need to be the type that owns up.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by Missy7
My father died of alcohol poisoning--probably. He had been to AA but certainly didn't work a program. I'm guessing he did not think of himself as an alcoholic. So I doubt we could have had that conversation. What is important is that I become a different kind of alcoholic than he was. I need to be the type that owns up.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
I'm so glad your talk with your dad went so well. It must feel like such a relief.
I miss my dad. Being sober is letting me think about him and mourn him more. I did a lot of numbing with booze when he passed away.
I miss my dad. Being sober is letting me think about him and mourn him more. I did a lot of numbing with booze when he passed away.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 200
This post is absolutely beautiful.
My father and I had an understanding that we both knew we were alcoholics and we both kept our mouths shut about it... being daddys little girl was hard when I couldn't share with him the thing that was hurting us both so badly. He passed two years ago at age 42 without us ever talking about it too much in depth.
You're very lucky and I am very very happy you have your family's support.
God Bless
My father and I had an understanding that we both knew we were alcoholics and we both kept our mouths shut about it... being daddys little girl was hard when I couldn't share with him the thing that was hurting us both so badly. He passed two years ago at age 42 without us ever talking about it too much in depth.
You're very lucky and I am very very happy you have your family's support.
God Bless
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by Ragamuffin
This post is absolutely beautiful.
My father and I had an understanding that we both knew we were alcoholics and we both kept our mouths shut about it... being daddys little girl was hard when I couldn't share with him the thing that was hurting us both so badly. He passed two years ago at age 42 without us ever talking about it too much in depth.
You're very lucky and I am very very happy you have your family's support.
God Bless
My father and I had an understanding that we both knew we were alcoholics and we both kept our mouths shut about it... being daddys little girl was hard when I couldn't share with him the thing that was hurting us both so badly. He passed two years ago at age 42 without us ever talking about it too much in depth.
You're very lucky and I am very very happy you have your family's support.
God Bless
I'm very sorry you were not able to talk to your father about the pain you both were feeling. I'm sure that has been difficult for you. I'm sure if he were here though, he would be extremely happy to see you getting help and getting healthy. Best wishes to you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
