zorah

I passed 60 days a week ago and today I am sitting on my hands not to go out and buy some red wine. The only way I will avoid that right now is not go out at all. That is how intense it is. I know I will do it. That scares the hell out of me. I've felt cravings but this is bigger. Also...I used to think that I only drank to medicate myself because I have a couple of severe mental disorders. But I felt great today. In fact I felt like I had a break through and saw some real truth about myself and it freed me. After that I wanted to celebrate this, and you know how. Since then, I've been clawing the walls. Aside from walking the dog I don't dare go anywhere. Why do I want to sabotage myself just when I'm making progress?

Please send me some good energy or prayers or whatever....

Thanx.


Zorah

pipparina

Zorah-

think through that first glass of wine - what will happen next? And why do you want it? Are you bored, anxious, tired? If you can identify the feeling that is driving the urge to drink, you can take care of that feeling in a healthy way.

Now, if you really wanted to drink, you wouldn't have posted here asking for help. So give yourself credit that you stopped yourself, reached out here first.

The urge to drink will pass. The potential repercussions of drinking may not.

Sending you good karma and thoughts.

MIRecovery

Go to an AA meeting what can it hurt? They are the only fix that works for me

hypochondriac

That AV is a tricky little s**t. It'll try and make us drink to celebrate and to drown our sorrows, whatever excuse is more convenient. My 'reasons' for drinking have changed as time goes by, it's like it's tried that one and it didn't work... how about this! Milestones are usually a big one. It means your succeeding Zorah and your AV is scared. Keep doing what you're doing, crawl the walls if you have to just don't drink xxx

Admiral

In my opinion the worst thing about relapse isn't a hangover, but the tremendous feelings of guilt and disappointment felt long after the event, and remember; you will NEVER wake up the next day and regret NOT drinking!

For me sometimes there isn't an excuse or reason, sometimes I just want to get F***ed up, it is that simple. But I think back on all the negative aspects; hiding my actions from others, the paranoia, the depression, the guilt and shame the next day, feeling like I've spent months climbing out of a hole only to fall back down to the bottom...

The good news is that it never needs to happen again, it's my choice and if I can make it through a bad day I feel really good about it the next day, alcohol can never offer such a feeling. If you feel like you can't go out then don't, or take a walk but don't bring any money or cash cards, that's what I used to do, I would get scared that I might end up at the liquor store so I would take only my ID ( in case something happened to me and I needed to be identified ) and leave the cash and cards at home so I had nothing to buy alcohol with.

BlueEyedBoy

I am no expert, and I have messed up enough, but I know in those circumstances, where I want a drink but don't really cos I am asking for help....AA helps. Maybe if you don't do AA go for once and see how you feel. It can't hurt can it?

Also, have you checked you aren't craving because you are hungry/thirsty? May sound basic but there were times in the past I craved because I was genuinely thirsty and hungry and after eating and drinking the urge would pass.

Keep it in the hour for now- the minute even if you have to- and take your time. And remember you deserve your recovery

zorah

thanx everyone. you always help me. i logged on here because i didn't want to give in. i also texted by sponsor. those two things helped me to ride through the cravings. i did go to an aa mtg. it wasn't the best but there were good nuggets i could grab onto. honestly i don't know what i'd do without all of you. someone always answers. someone always makes me feel i'm doing ok and i can go on...

MycoolFitz

I am there today. I'm just reading anf breathing. You take care,

FreeFall

Zorah, as much as you think you wanted to drink, it appears you wanted to NOT drink more. Your actions tell the tale. You came here, you attended a meeting, contacted your sponsor, and thought it all out. Nice coping skills!