The first beer is the problem
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester
Posts: 179
Missy, I can relate to your situation. Since stopping drinking I have had 6 relapses, and I only stopped since January! I feel so ashamed, pathetic, worthless, etc every time but I have to remember- Day 1 of the rest of my life. And yours too! There is nothing wrong with failing, but failing to get back into recovery will kill any true alcoholics. I know enough about this to know I am messing with a fatal disease. For me AA works, but only if I work it. I have seen so much recovery, but these people in AA made it their lives- their entire recovery- rather than me who felt he could just coast along and do the bare minimum. I recognize you get out what you put in.
If AA isn't your thing then try and find something, as I don't know you but it is clear whatever you are doing isn't working properly. Good luck and welcome back-stick around!
If AA isn't your thing then try and find something, as I don't know you but it is clear whatever you are doing isn't working properly. Good luck and welcome back-stick around!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
AA's "How It Works" spells out my problem in very simple language.
I just have to accept it and quit analyzing it and tearing it apart.
Alcoholics Anonymous - How it works
RARELY HAVE we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided that you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it - then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought that we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power - that One is God. May you find him now.
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we were willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought.
How it works - Chapter 5, page 58-60 of the Book,
Alcoholics Anonymous
© Alcoholics Anonymous
I wish you the best.
Bob R
I just have to accept it and quit analyzing it and tearing it apart.
Alcoholics Anonymous - How it works
RARELY HAVE we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided that you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it - then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought that we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power - that One is God. May you find him now.
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we were willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought.
How it works - Chapter 5, page 58-60 of the Book,
Alcoholics Anonymous
© Alcoholics Anonymous
I wish you the best.
Bob R
Nothing Left to do but Smile.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 808
It was never about a beer or two for me. It still isn't. If it was, I wouldn't be on this forum. My mind still after 4 months keeps conjuring up scenarios where I can get blasted at a concert and go back about my business of sobriety the next day. Unfortunately, I am an alcoholic and can't control myself. I know this, so I pray that I never give in to that first drink. Never having another drink is a hard concept to wrap my head around. So, not drinking today works much better for me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
I see things differently then some. I don't see myself powerless over alchool.
I finally realize that I can and will win this battle. If my logic tells me that drinking as become a treath to my health, my work, my relationships, my entore life...
My logic decided to leave this behind once and for all. That litle voice will still be there ocasionally but I realize the voice is not ME, it's external. I call it Evil, the temptation.
No surrender, no mercy. My Avatar is exactly how I feel
I finally realize that I can and will win this battle. If my logic tells me that drinking as become a treath to my health, my work, my relationships, my entore life...
My logic decided to leave this behind once and for all. That litle voice will still be there ocasionally but I realize the voice is not ME, it's external. I call it Evil, the temptation.
No surrender, no mercy. My Avatar is exactly how I feel
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Hi Missy;
I'm remembering that this thread is about you, (not a promotional program debate).
you know how it starts and you know how it will end once you start drinking...I've done the same, more times than I have fingers....You don't want to be the hungover hot mess that cannot function in the morning, you deserve a better life.
If you keep company with booze, soon booze is going to be your only company. Sometimes the best way to stay sober is to take a long look inside yourself.
You can come back better.
I'm remembering that this thread is about you, (not a promotional program debate).
you know how it starts and you know how it will end once you start drinking...I've done the same, more times than I have fingers....You don't want to be the hungover hot mess that cannot function in the morning, you deserve a better life.
If you keep company with booze, soon booze is going to be your only company. Sometimes the best way to stay sober is to take a long look inside yourself.
You can come back better.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Not sick of you, Missy - now or ever.
What Fandy said is how I feel as well. Been there many times, but the last time I got it right. I finally really understood that there can never be just one or two for me. If it's one, it's 20. Then a hair of the dog the next day - and into oblivion for God knows how long.
You still have the need and desire to kick this crap out of your life, and we know you can do it Missy. We're with you all the way.
What Fandy said is how I feel as well. Been there many times, but the last time I got it right. I finally really understood that there can never be just one or two for me. If it's one, it's 20. Then a hair of the dog the next day - and into oblivion for God knows how long.
You still have the need and desire to kick this crap out of your life, and we know you can do it Missy. We're with you all the way.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
The thought of never drinking again used to scare me too. That fear was only the voice of my addiction telling me that I didn't have to accept never drinking again, that there was a possibility that I was going to change my mind and drink again some day.
I used that fear of never drinking again to show me what my alcoholic voice sounds like, to help me identify it, help me recognize it and understand it. This let me realize that it was just part of the scam, just another lie to keep me drinking. I decided to stop listening and to stop believing that garbage any longer.
Now, the conviction that I will never drink again is a comfort. I never again have to be that alcoholic I once was. I just read about Step 1 of the 12 Steps described as
I used that fear of never drinking again to show me what my alcoholic voice sounds like, to help me identify it, help me recognize it and understand it. This let me realize that it was just part of the scam, just another lie to keep me drinking. I decided to stop listening and to stop believing that garbage any longer.
Now, the conviction that I will never drink again is a comfort. I never again have to be that alcoholic I once was. I just read about Step 1 of the 12 Steps described as
I get it: What I’ve been doing (drinking/drugging) is self-destructive. I need to change.
For me, that is enough.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by BlueEyedBoy 
I can totally empathise with that. The thought of never drinking again scares me, so I just do it for today.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
I'm not sick of you either Missy
It took me a long time to accept that I was different, and that I needed to change my life.
It took me a long time to accept it was that first drink that lost me too.
I think you're well ahead on the self awareness and the epiphanies compared to me.
I know you have the courage in you to see those revelations through into action.
I have no doubt you'll get there - it's inevitable really, I think
D
It took me a long time to accept that I was different, and that I needed to change my life.
It took me a long time to accept it was that first drink that lost me too.
I think you're well ahead on the self awareness and the epiphanies compared to me.
I know you have the courage in you to see those revelations through into action.
I have no doubt you'll get there - it's inevitable really, I think
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
So glad to be here on SR. I'm struck by the fact that we all know everything we need to know to make this work. It's a conscious stupidity that I keep accepting. Thank you for being kind. I'm going to live through this day.
Just recycled the bottles now I'm watching TV. I will need a plan, and I'll make one tomorrow.
Just recycled the bottles now I'm watching TV. I will need a plan, and I'll make one tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Colorado Springs
Posts: 27
Another Turn at Bat
Hey there. Thanks for the honesty, that's why we are all here. We all tried to quit a million times (it seems) and we were all "sick and tired of being sick and tired". So you have tons of people who can relate and we are NEVER tired of hearing about it from those who try. You know that no ones wins a basketball game 100-0 and that the BEST hitter EVER in baseball was successful 4 out of ten trips to the plate. So, accept the times you have struck out, dust yourself off and get back at the plate for another swing....but first....you might want to improve your odds by joining AA. They give you the tools you need to connect against all of the curve balls life throws at you. AA is more than meetings, it is an approach that does more than count days, it builds skills and emotional strength (something we all need). Don't despair and don't stop coming back to SR. That's why we are here.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Originally Posted by Missy7
I'm struck by the fact that we all know everything we need to know to make this work. It's a conscious stupidity that I keep accepting.
Keep at this, Missy7.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Down under
Posts: 84
I totally relate, Missy. I am going to give `not picking up the first drink' a whirl again tomorrow. At the end of the day, I think that you and I both know that we will keep on drinking if we get started. Somehow, we've become trapped in maladaptive reward cycles which convince us that the comfort of drinking outweighs the ways in which drinking screws up our lives. For me, building up the resolve to abstain from the first beer is going to involve convincing myself that the disadvantages of getting drunk outweigh the comfort that the first couple of drinks can bring. That is easier said than done, of course. I wish you all the luck in the world. :-)
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 12 (0 members and 12 guests)
