Lying about time after a slip
 

So I had 20 days sober and had a slip. I got right back on the wagon and now have 14 days sober.

My therapist thinks I have 34 days sober. I've had many, many false starts before, and really couldn't face telling her I missed yet another session because I slipped yet again. She was considering telling me she couldn't see me anymore because of it already... I was too afraid to tell her I did it again, and just made up some excuse and have been sober since.

I've been to therapy 2x since then and I sit there knowing I'm not telling her the truth and she sits there and looks at me funny wondering why I'm suddenly not really enthused about 34 days sober. It's really bothering me.

I'm thinking that once I've been a good girl for a while longer, and she can see for herself that I mean it this time, then I'll tell her, because I won't fear her telling me to find another shrink.

I just needed to get this off my chest. I'm just a terrible liar, I am totally obvious if I try to do it in person and even on the internet I can't pull it off because I've been avoiding this board over it. I'm so neurotic LOL.

I'm sure there are plenty of people who wouldn't give this a thought. I've been telling myself that it has been 34 days since I started my sober journey, and a slip doesn't consist of leaving my recovery, it was part of it because it reinforced it (and it did, that's for sure).

What do you guys think?

Don't lie BackBeat being honest with yourself starts with being honest with other people.

Your therapists job is to be there for you and support you without judgement. At the very least you need to be honest with your therapist.

A slip up DOES NOT negate the 14 days you had! It was a slip up. It happened once so you have 34 days minus one day that's how I'd think about it.

You made a mistake by drinking like many of us do in early recovery. But lying about something is a choice and it causes us a great deal of guilt. You don't want to have that right?

I would jut be honest with your therapist and people in AA as for everyone else, it's really none of their business but I think you need to feel like you have people in your life you can be honest with, without worrying about judgment.

Learning to be honest is (from what I understand in my one week in AA) a VERY important part of getting sober.

So start here, tell her what you told us and I bet you'll feel a lot better.

But please don't think 1 slip up means you're not committed to this or that you're unique in your relapse. I bet if you asked people that in AA everyone would tell you they had a similar relapse.

Be kind to yourself!

I'm quite sure your therapist knows what the score is. She's probably just waiting for you to get honest.

Our secrets eat us alive. Get the cards on the table and get on with recovery.

In our AA group, our sobriety is measured in "uninterrupted" sober time, the time since our last drink.

All the best.

Bob R

Well, I have been in therapy for years and from my point of view it is not the therapists job to judge you on your drinking. Your therapist is there to help you with your problems. Alcohol has been a problem in your life and I am sure there are other problems and her job is to help you see the reasons as to why BLAH BLAH BLAH...... Get what i am saying? Judgement is not her job. Tell her the truth so that you can move on and get down to the real work. Holding this "Secret" in is stopping anything productive from happening. If she decides that she can no longer see you then you will have to find another therapist.
Has she stated that she will terminate therapy if you drink again?

Only a alcoholic could say I had 40 days sober but drank one .. so subtract it... ;)


Like Bob said, AA is about uninteruppted sobriety. I hated having to re-introduce myself but always felt better after.

But nothing is in vien your learning and growing.. Keep going forward lying is just standing still.. :)

Was it because of the drinking, or because of missing appointments? I just can't imagine a therapist who would give up on a patient - it doesn't seem right to me. (It's OK if she doesn't feel competent to deal with addiction, but she should have recommended someone). Just my opinion.

But yeah, you'll feel so much better being honest about your slip. Don't feel bad about it, though. We get used to lying when we're drinking or using....it almost becomes a habit. Sounds like you're doing all the right things, backbeat. Keep up the good work!:a122:

do you pay this therapist, or were you somehow assigned to her, or she's through a free clinic or something, because I think that is WAY wrong to "bully" a client into doing something with threats of shunning.

If you cannot be honest with the therapist, I think there is no point in continuing to see her. If you cannot be honest because she's threatened to punish or abandon you, she's NOT a good therapist for someone in recovery.

I do want you to have solid recovery and slips and relapses are not preferable, but they don't mean "game over"

I don't know the score or the deal with your therapist, only the bare threads information here. So please first be very honest with yourself concerning that situation. It's not her job to keep you from drinkig, but it IS her job to be there as you work this out for yourself.

BB, well done on 14 days. AA stress honesty as vital to recovery. I recommend you tell your therapist, for yourself and so she can better help you.

Maybe you need to find a different therapist that's a better fit? It doesn't seem like she will be very helpful. Quitting drinking is an ongoing process and there may be slips along the way. Seems to me she should be helping you to analyze it all, and that you should feel comfortable telling her the good and the bad.

If you can try to stop thinking in terms of "good girl" and the reverse "bad girl" that might help you. First, because you're not "bad" if you slip. Human, yes, but you're dealing with a disease, it's not just a behavior issue. Second, because many of us like to let the bad one out to play-it's the rebel in us. Being "good" feels stifling and boring.

I'm not sure if my advice will help- after all, I have a lot of experience at being drunk and just a little at being sober!:rotfxko But I agree with the previous posters, better to fess up and be honest. I also agree if that if that person is hanging threats over your head you may want to consider a referral for another therapist.

Don't beat yourself up no matter what. Sure you had a slip but no one said it would be easy. Most hardcore alcoholics can't kick it cold turkey on the first try. Just hang in there and do your honest best. That's why they say one day at a time.

i think you need to be honest with your therapist. also be honest about why you didn't fess up immediately. honesty is one of the very important bases sobriety is built on. also, it seems like unless you get this off your chest, you're going to carry this guilt with you and that can be a detriment to your recovery and your therapy sessions. how can you be honest with your therapist all the time if your constantly carrying this guilt and covering up this lie?

I will not stay sober if I am dishonest. It's that simple to me. I have told my deepest darkest secrets in my 5th step and I am still loved. I have nothing left to hide and no reason to be dishonest.

If I were you, I would print your post and then go in and read it to your therapist:

JMO, but it's not just the AA definition of sobriety, it's any definition of sobriety means totally abstaining from all alcohol and other mood-altering, idk, stuff. Maybe this isn't a technical definition but it's always been what I understood it to be.

If this therapist has threatened to cut off the therapeutic relationship altogether... well I think that is a form of bullying and puts you in the position of deciding whether you should lie or find a new therapist. But maybe you should tell her the truth and then decide if you need a new therapist.

I agree with what other people have said about periods of uninterrupted sobriety. I have 5 months clean today. But you if subtracted the days I had used over the last 18 months I would have 22.5 months clean which makes no-sense at all really. It's not the getting clean that's the hardest part in my opinion. It's the staying clean. Once you get honest with your therapist you can get honest with yourself. Once the honesty kicks in then you will find that slipping isn't such a major thing in incredibly early recovery. It happens. But if that slip makes you want to work harder for your recovery then it has done some good.

My therapist threatened to end our sessions if I refused to address my alcoholism.
She was correct.
She was a wonderful therapist.
She knew that it was pointless trying to address my issues while I continued to drink and refuse to see how big a problem it was.
Once I went to AA and TRIED to quit, that was a new beginning.
Just my experience.

Edit: I wanted to avoid the drinking issue in therapy, which was unrealistic.
I would leave therapy and get loaded. Kind of pointless. I did however always attend. Rarely missed appointments.

Who really cares ? You know what your problem is, and you're trying to become abstinent. Be more easy on yourself :)

Backbeat IMHO you're being to hard on yourself. You had a slip and came right back. You are here now. I would tell your therapist about it because feessing up does makes us feel better about ourselves. You may be surprised at her response.

Best wishes to you

Natalie

Backbeat I have to tell you I see a therapist. Just last night he found out my true day count. Although we don't discuss days he asks me if I drank and I simply say i have been doing well. I never lied but simply omitted the truth. Same thing really.

My point is did she threaten to not see you because of missing appointments or drinking? Missing appointments I can see. But for drinking? That's why you see her.

If my doc threatened me with that I would find a new one. I need this person to help me and no one ever got sober because someone threatened to take something we need away. She should be there to totally support you, slips or not.

That's just my view. Don't feel guilty. That's just another way to have your AV try to undermine you.

You sound like you are doing great! Keep it going!

K

I see a specialist alcohol team at a Unit for alcoholism, and have therapy. If they sacked us all off for slipping they would have no patients! Be kind to yourself!

Honesty is a huge part of my recovery, personally I would tell her. If she stops seeing you because of it, find a new counselor.