"Friends" and judging me
 

Some (or most) friends have been supportive with my choice to be sober and not go out with them or to avoid events where I could be tempted. But then there are others who insist on their sense of entitlement to tell me that I am wrong, or that I shouldn't be doing it, so on and so forth.

My anxiety is through the roof right now as my best friend is texting me non-stop about how "AA is horrible. They aren't actually helping you. They are just making you recite 'laws'. Why would you even bother doing that? Just 'cause you drink doesn't mean you have a problem. You're being ridiculous. Just stop going out. Who cares. You're overreacting."

It's so frustrating to not be supported and to be judged in such a negative way when it is my life, my decision, my body. And most importantly: they are not me.

I feel absolutely horrible and sick to my stomach.

How does one deal with these negative friends? Remove them from your life?

Try to keep the focus on you...this is about you.

Let me let you in on a little secret about support - the ones you expect to be there for you will more than likely disappear while the last one you expect for support will be holding your hand.

Don't let yourself get sick over it. I've lost many "friends" including the one who was supposed to be my "best friend."

To be honest anyone who has no knowledge of a recovery fellowships comments should all be taken with a grain of salt. Only you know what you want to do and only you know how to go about getting. Recovery is selfish, it has to be. You have to put yourself first in order to recover successfully. If that means letting go of people who aren't supporting you then that is what you have to do. You can sieve out who actually cares and who doesn't and once you know who does it makes recovering a hell of a lot easier for you.

Hi Krispy,
Keep going to meetings and keep on your sober path.
People can be strange about AA/ sobriety.
They are afraid they will loose you or that AA is a cult or they may ask themselves if they too have a problem or you are simply upsetting the status quo?
Just text your friend back that you will be doing this and that really, the constant attacks on your sobriety are
"tiresome, unhelpful, and frankly, puzzling".
Mind me asking, how old you are?

I'm 25. I haven't been to any AA meetings yet, I am still uncovering the courage and have found myself getting closer and closer to doing so. Just a bit nervous. His words have not pushed me away from going, though.

And your 'best friend' has been to AA and understands the fellowship?

And your 'best friend' wants you to be well, sober and happy?

I know is difficult when those you believe are close to turn out to be against what you are doing - it is like others quite rightly have said - Expect the unexpected with some friends

I have one who is on the whole lovely and supportive but has said - Well it's like a hobby isn't not drinking - you will be bored of it by Christmas and we can go let our hair down

I did explain that no it wasn't a hobby and yes - we can let our hair down at Christmas but my way of celebrating and hers are different so it would probably involve a lovely meal out with friends and me slipping away whilst they hit the bars.

She's ok with all this now. Thankfully one conversation was enough.
I give the doubters. persuaders and down right rude one chance and then make my excuses and move on

Hard, harsh but necessary.

Did you begin drinking at 18? I believe they say that the newly sober mind picks up where it left off before it was intoxicated. That could be part of your reason for feeling that way.

You can go to a meeting, you don't have to talk if you don't want to. If you find it's not the right one for you, search for another one. There are many programs out there to check out. AA isn't the only one so if you find AA doesn't suit you, there are lots of options.

Good luck with you sobriety :)

Thank you. And yes, I did not start drinking until I was 18. That would make a lot of sense as to why I still feel much younger than I am on many levels.

Yes, I think you do remove them from your life. That's what I did. The surprising thing was, that almost immediately, two amazing women appeared in my life. One became a close friend and one was a true mentor.

Usually someone's over the top reaction says more about them than it does about you. To be honest, I haven't told that many people but the ones I have have been more concerned about what my alcoholism says about them. I think most people think that if you have to give up drinking then they might have to too. Quite frankly it scares the s**t out of them!

Stand your ground and eventually they'll accept it. I kind of think that it must be hard for our drinking buddies too when we get sober. Not only does it hold a mirror up to their own habits but they may feel like they're losing a friend themselves. People don't like change. But they'll just have to get used to it :) x

He was forced to attend AA -- or something similar -- after multiple DUI convictions. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact he was forced to go, and then also the possible realization on his own part that maybe he has a problem and the fact I am willing to admit my own makes him think. Maybe not, I cannot know that for sure. But it's possible.

I suggest telling him what you told us here. I might add something like, "Thanks for you opinion on it. I'd don't want to talk about it any more."

If he's a real friend, he'll drop it.

It's very common for us to have to change friends when getting sober.

It sounds to me like your friend has a problem with alcohol. That is like an over eater bad mouthing Wieght Watchers because they are still over wieght but never followed thier progroam. I know of no one who knows much about AA because they were on a winning streak.

There are various pathes to recovery but AA has been around 80 years and I personally know 50+ people with 10+ years of sobriety and know at least 30 with 20+ years of sobriety so it works for a lot of people not to mention numerous 30+ years.

I would question whether this person is a true friend. All of my drinking and non-drinking friends are extremely supportive of my AA involvement

So when people say I act like a 12 year old it's most likely true.

Anyone who discourages you to get help, is most likely threatened because they have a problem themself. Did you ever go drinking with this person? If that's not what it is, they probably don't want to accept the change. You WILL lose friends in this process. Everyone does. If they don't support you in whatever you choose, being sobriety, sports.. anything.. they aren't worth having around.

25! Good for you.
I think that you will enjoy the meetings.
Sober friends all on the same path.
Sorry, but you might want to avoid said friend. Sounds angry and bitter.
Stick with the winners.

Ohhh, I seeeee....... LOL.

Well, this is a hard journey early on, and as much as it hurts, I don't think that an active alcoholic's (I am assuming, but it's a safe assumption what with multiple DUI convictions) words should be taking up ANY space, NONE, NADA... in your head as you begin this AWESOME journey of recovery.

Get to a meeting, you will wonder what you were so afraid of...

:)

It was actually a Floridian who gave me my Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) and a meeting schedule for NYC.
A beautiful and amazing woman.

I have the feeling that I will feel exactly that way haha :emb

Believe me Krispy the worry about going to your first meeting is far far far worse than actually being at your first meeting.

Screw up the courage to go. There is no expectations of you when you get there. It is the getting there that is the hard bit

Go for it and keep posting here. We're all with you and here for you just as we are for each other and just as the people in AA will be when you meet them