Elphaba

I came so close yesterday, I actually picked up a can of beer. I held it in my right hand while I was tapping the trigger of it with my left hand thinking what to do, what to do? In that moment I was oblivious to my mental resources. I asked my husband what I should do, and he told me to go for it if I thought it wouldn't lead me to sitting at the dining room table getting hammered by myself every night. It was the right thing to say because I know what the honest answer to that question is, and it empowered me to make the decision. But I can't believe I came so close being just shy of 6 months of sobriety. I feel shaken.

pipparina

El-

do you know what triggered this? that is way too close for comfort. What support program (besides SR) are you using?
I'm glad you feel shaken, because that one beer would lead to all kinds of problems. Remember, it would not stop at one.

Natom

Your husband told you to go for it?!?!?!??!

MrsKing

That's something my husband would have said to me, too, if I ever said something like that. He would know the answer and I would know the answer, and it would be the perfect question.

I have just passed the six month mark, and to be honest the last week or so I've been feeling a bit... low, or something. The fact I was coming up to six months made me feel a bit edgy - like it was getting serious and was I ready? I paid little attention to it and disregarded it, but now I'm looking back I can see that the last week I've probably been feeling on edge because the six month mark was coming up. I've heard a lot that people find 'milestones' quite uncomfortable. Could this have been the case for you?

I'm so glad you didn't open that beer. Good for you. I would suggest that it's time to consider if you need anything else in place - even if that's just mentally. It's not worth taking the risk that this could happen again and that next time your husband may not be around to reason with you.

Congrats on your upcoming 6 months

MIRecovery

My house is alcohol free. It is one thing to pop a beer it is another thing to go out and buy it. Sobriety is all about choices and you made a very good one

MIRecovery

I have very mixed feeling about sobriety birthdays. In my case I acknowledge them but try to not make it a big deal. 6 months or 6 years the date is just another day I choose to be sober

copperfield

Way to go Elphaba!!!
Good for you - question is your name from Wicked?

MrsKing

Yeah I think it's best I stop even thinking about them and even, in some ways but not entirely, try to forget how long it's been etc... I am starting to think it's not healthy mentally!

Katelyn

I can totally relate to this. I am almost 3 months sober and was with my husband at a wine-tasting restaurant last weekend. I wasn't feeling the urge to drink - we were there to eat - but he got a glass of wine and I instinctively reached over to just "take a sip" before I caught myself. Then started the mind games of "what would just a sip do anyway? I can just take a sip.." I didn't take the sip but I am still learning how to cope in these situations - to unlearn my old behaviors.

Maylie

I'm so happy that you were able to put the can of beer down! I'm also really happy that when you're husband asked you that question you were able to be honest with yourself and say no.

Keep moving forward and although this was a very close call, I hope you give yourself credit for being honest with yourself and getting through another day sober

Maylie

MIRecovery

I know it is silly but I almost think that sobriety birth date coins in AA should be in 24 hr coins. So at a year you get 365 (a whole bag of them) I think this is much more representitive of your sobriety than saying it has been one year or six months, what ever.

We have to gaurd our sobriety on a daily basis and do what is needed to maintain it. Just cause I was sober yesterday does not mean I be sober today. Today is all I have and there is a pretty good chance I will go to bed sober because I did what I needed to today. Tomorrow will bring what tomorrow brings

Live2Run25

Good for you. These are the kind of tests we will unfortunatley face during our sobriety. You made it out on the other side unscathed.

hypochondriac

Ouch. If someone had said that to me I probably would have just heard to 'go for it' bit! Glad you have more sense than me Elphaba x

Elphaba

Hey thanks everyone for your replies, I really appreciate it, it helps when other people get it. Yes my online name Elphaba is from the musical Wicked, I saw it a year ago in June and loved the twist on the wicked witch of the west. I've given some thought on triggers associated with milestones, and perhaps there is truth to it. I don't know if it's the addictive mind feeling threatened with the finality of it all, or perhaps knowing that others struggle with milestones could result in some kind of self fulfilled prophecy, or maybe it's just flat out complacency? Again, I don't know but I'm going to chart my course based on all three. Although I subscribe to the big plan mentality, I also have a bit of a one day at a time element in my repertoire. Ever since acute withdrawal symptoms subsided I always felt grateful in the morning for the affects of my new found sobriety, and I would use this gratitude later in the day to carry me through moments of weakness. I need to revisit this, and spend a few moments every morning to recharge my gratitude battery so to speak. I also honestly believe that every positive thought I've ever held about alcohol is an illusion, so I need to think about what bs am I buying into and why. Again, thanks everyone for your replies. I feel recharged, and hopeful. In retrospect, given that's it's Thanksgiving for us Canadians this weekend, I'm glad I had my moment of weakness on the Wednesday night prior, and not surrounded by my indulgent family on Sunday night.

BlueEyedBoy

El- well done! That took real strength!

Mizzuno

Great job. I've had a similar moment. We grow from things like this. I am very proud of you. This post is the type that we all need to see. You thought about it and then thought better. BRAVO!!!!!